Wrong to feel this way??

[lettucegrow!]

Some men are unbelievable and notice there are lots of us on here that have ex's like this 'orrible man, me included.(that's why they're ex's) I think one day your daughter will be in more of a position to vote with her feet and have nothing to do with him. Love the idea and sounds like it would suitably irritate him of paying bay small amount monthly in 1p coins.
My son once said to me after coming back from his Dad's 'I understand why you left him now.Wish I could.'
Hope your daughter's well. I think she's done really well to drive again so soon. Give her e big hug.

[jaykay]

You are justified in feeling so cross about this. I wouldn't expect to be 'charged' by a family member for providing help at such a time - don't think many people would. That, however, is this man's way, and your daughter will remember this for a long long time. Once she's finished uni she can choose how often and for how long she sees him. You can support her, listen, be kind, but she needs to come to her own conclusion about this man.

[Glutton4...]

So glad I am not the only one advocating mindless violence!

I knew I could rely on you Glutton

Now, do I take that as a compliment...?

Actually your neck of the woods - Wickford

Aaah, there's some real funny b*ggers down there! Not an area I frequent if I can help it LOL.

(But I'm sure they're not all P*keys, Dodgy Car and 'Antique' Dealers )

[selfraising]

Ha ha your right there glutton, dodgy area I think! That's not actually where he originates from and if I tell you, you will understand the arrogance! He's actually German and no disrespect meant to anyone of German origin, as I was born there too, but there is no doubt that some do tend to have this arrogance about them.

[TPeers]

I must say Selfraising I think you are incredible!

How you have managed to bite your tongue and not murder the little s*** is quite beyond me. The kids University fees not withstanding.

If you suggest he 'deducts' (read steal) the money, will he not take it as an opportunity to permanently reduce the amount she is given?

Get her to run up a set of accounts showing the true cost of the accident in terms of travel costs, lost study time and replacement of the car - cause I'm sure he didn't replace it! - the fact being to show that she cannot pay him fully now.

If you don't know how to do this pm me, I'll give you my phone number and talk you though it. There are several accountants and bookkeepers here on the 'vine, any of us will happily help.

The purpose of the accounting is for her so show a logical and reasoned argument for the slow repayment. I doubt he would accept it without such documentary evidence.

[Glutton4...]

Nah, sod that - bash 'im!

[RedThorn]

Nice reasoned argument TPeers, but am seriously tempted by G4's offer

[TPeers]

Yeah - so am I

[kirsty b]

Why doesn't your daughter offer to cook him a nice tea while they discuss it, and slip loads of laxatives into his dinner?
Hard to be arrogant when your breaking your neck for a c**p.........

could probably recommend some good ones to try

[coreopsis]

Sorry to hear that,SR.Unfortunately people like that hardly ever change.I'd pay him off even in installments and ignore such"daddy"afterwards.What a plonker.

[selfraising]

Not incredible TPeers just weak. Annoyingly all 3 of us (my two daughters and myself) are still very intimidated by him and let's face it, scared. When we got divorced 10 years ago he threatened to wipe the floor with me if I contested anything. He was never physical but threatened it on occasion, he is more subtle than that and breaks you down so you have no confidence

And you are right, we paid for the last car that got scrapped and this car including insurance and tax.

Thankyou for your kind offer, I will have a go myself first and see what I can do. He is supposedly coming down this week to 'drop in'. He won't knock the door, he will just walk in as if it's still his property

[Jeanied]

SR you are not weak at all. You have all suffered abuse, pure and simple. What a bully.
It sounds like you need new locks on the door! And a large GSD! With attitude!
Or even a few grapes in hailing distance - I'm not too far from you, you know...

[kirsty b]

Not incredible TPeers just weak. Annoyingly all 3 of us (my two daughters and myself) are still very intimidated by him and let's face it, scared. When we got divorced 10 years ago he threatened to wipe the floor with me if I contested anything. He was never physical but threatened it on occasion, he is more subtle than that and breaks you down so you have no confidence

And you are right, we paid for the last car that got scrapped and this car including insurance and tax.

Thankyou for your kind offer, I will have a go myself first and see what I can do. He is supposedly coming down this week to 'drop in'. He won't knock the door, he will just walk in as if it's still his property

I assume he no longer has a key. Just walking in is an intimidation tactic. Lock door and leave key in, so he HAS to knock and wait to be let in. Or be out. Don't wait for him to drop in, just get on with your life and if your not in, he'll have to go away and come back later won't he. Even people I like don't just stroll in to my house.

[Hazel at the Hill]

He won't knock the door, he will just walk in as if it's still his property

Well, he doesn't - change the locks!!!! If he's 'funny' about it, say you had to change them as one of you lost your keys.

What's your OH doing in all this? It's clearly upsetting for you and your daughters to have a great big ogre's shadow hanging over you - why doesn't he just say something? He's a bully, as you know, and will remain being a bully until someone does something about it.

With regard to the university fees, I thought that's why they have student loans? Why doesn't your daughter talk to the university burser/pastoral carer/bank manager to chat through the money side of this?

Frankly - I'd take a break from uni for a year or so and get a job to earn the money to fund myself rather than be dependent on anyone - and especially on a man who seems intent on ruining your lives.

[FionaH]

He is supposedly coming down this week to 'drop in'. He won't knock the door, he will just walk in as if it's still his property

Or even a few grapes in hailing distance - I'm not too far from you, you know...

Me too! You want me to accidentally pop in for a cuppa that day? I am so much better with other peoples bullying ex husbands than I was with my own