My brother ain't heavy

[Brengirl]

Everyday I have a heavy heart in that me and my brother just cannot communicate. We live in the same town and if we happen to meet it is just a polite "how you doing". I suppose we have always been opposites. I tend to be the easy going one and he is confrontational. Each and every time we meet he winds me up to the extent that I explode. He then becomes aggressive verbally and as has been known to be down right offensive. I decided that I could no longer be drawn into conflict with him and to just play it cool. We are brother and sister for god's sake so why are we 'enemies'?

[Bren In Pots]

Just because you share a parent or two that doesn't make you friends, well that's what I've been telling myself for years.

[Snadger]

You can pick your friends, you're lumbered with your relatives!

[rustylady]

Brengirl, the old saying is sooooo true. You can pick your friends, but you are stuck with your family. I am the eldest of four. One brother, 11months younger than me, and a set of twins (boy and girl) 10 years younger than me. The only one I've ever really got on with is the younger brother. There was a lot of rivalry between me and my older brother which as far as I can remember really started when I passed for Grammar School and he only got Secondary Modern, although we'd never been playmates. (I was the "brainy" one, but he seemed to be the favourite - in my eyes at least). It was quite an old-fashioned family, boys were the "important" ones, and girls were just expected to do reasonably well, possibly get a job as a secretary for a few years, then get married and have babies and keep house. It was very complicated, so won't go into any more detail here and now. I have just had to accept that even though we're siblings we're never ever going to be best friends.

[Brengirl]

Brengirl, the old saying is sooooo true. You can pick your friends, but you are stuck with your family. I am the eldest of four. One brother, 11months younger than me, and a set of twins (boy and girl) 10 years younger than me. The only one I've ever really got on with is the younger brother. There was a lot of rivalry between me and my older brother which as far as I can remember really started when I passed for Grammar School and he only got Secondary Modern, although we'd never been playmates. (I was the "brainy" one, but he seemed to be the favourite - in my eyes at least). It was quite an old-fashioned family, boys were the "important" ones, and girls were just expected to do reasonably well, possibly get a job as a secretary for a few years, then get married and have babies and keep house. It was very complicated, so won't go into any more detail here and now. I have just had to accept that even though we're siblings we're never ever going to be best friends.

Sort of similar scenario Rusty. My bro and I are a pigeon pair. I am the elder and was saluted when I passed the 11 plus. My brother also gained entry to grammar school but it seems to me he as spent his life playing catchup. For some reason or other he resents me, my achieivements and my wonderful family. To me he is a very very sad man searching for the happiness in life that I have found.

[FionaH]

Ya can't pick your family. I have an elder brother that I have barely spoken to in ten years. I intend to keep it that way too

[Jardiniere]

everyone here has made me feel a lot better..... I hardly ever talk to my brother .....its not that we dont get on its just that we have never ever really talked to each other.

[Two_Sheds]

I think there's a lot of rivalry & resentment between siblings, whether admitted or not.

[Hans Mum]

i dont speak to my sister, helps she lives in another country now, she has always thought she was better than the rest of us and the straw that broke the camels back was when my mum went to stay for a week and had to entertain herself cause they were too busy for her.... they invited her for goodness sake She knows who to ring though when she needs bailing out again!!!

My bruv is a great bloke & we get on really well now.... though as kids we fought like cat & dog.

[Pumpkin Becki]

I adore my brother - maybe thats because he lives in Southampton!! But as children I always felt like I could never compete with him. He was highly academic and applied himself dilligently to schoolwork, I was arty and a daydreamer. He got A+'s all over the place and I was lucky to get B's and C's (until GCSE year, when I outdid myself!). And we fought like cat and dog until he went off to Uni. Now he's a well paid GP, and I'm a BA (Hons) in Interior Design working as a PA in a company designing medical diagnostic equipment.

What surprised me the most was to find out that he had seen a Psychologist, during which time he (my bro) blamed our parents for pushing him too hard academically and effectively ruining his teenage years...I was like 'Huh? Take responsibility for your own life!'

Nonetheless, he was my rock during our mother's fight against cancer, and also during my own recent medical drama, his cool analytical mind really helped me cope.

I love him to pieces, but I'd probably kill him if we ever had to live under the same roof again!!

[TonyF]

I have a sister who I haven't seen for years. We did speak a few times last year but she's always been a game player and such a brat, she's now just a much older brat and heavily involved in internet porn and fleecing guys for money. I'm not a saint by any stretch of the imagination but there comes a time when you have to realise that family doesn't actually mean too much for some people.

We now have no contact because of her game playing with members of her family and I don't care at all. As far as I'm concerned she and her tribe of amoral inbred ingrates don't exist now - not that I'm being judgemental you understand!

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

It seems to be a common problem. Like many other Grapes I haven't spoken to my twin for years - won't go into details. Mr Frosty hasn't spoken to his brother and sister for even longer. In his family the brother and sister are very strong control freaks. Mr Frosty and a now deceased other brother have/had similar personalities - soft and gentle.

[Incy]

Reading this thread has made me feel very sad for all those who don't get on with their siblings (my OH included) and very blessed myself.
I come from a huge family 6 boys and 6 girls and although we now live all over the world we all love each other unconditionally and would do anything we could to support each other. When we do get the opportunity to get together it's fantastic. Sadly not frequent enough and usually at weddings or funerals, however, it is like we've never been apart. Don't get me wrong, we all have our different personalities and are quite capable of having rows etc. but they always get put behind us and sorted out pretty quickly and none of us hold a grudge over them. I grew up believing that most families were like this but as time goes on I realise just how lucky I am!
Big hugs to those of you who don't have this family support network, I just hope that you have good friends to provide a replacement 'chosen' family for you.

[binley100]

Ya can't pick your family. I have an elder brother that I have barely spoken to in ten years. I intend to keep it that way too

Same here and it's not through any rivalry or jealousy it's about protection .

[annacruachan]

My sister, younger than me, was always jealous of me; laughable since I've had a rollercoaster life with many difficulties and sadnesses. When my dad eventually died - I had been looking after him for 18 months - I realised that I no longer needed to put up with her sniping. I moved out of the area and deliberately stopped all contact with her.
Then I heard through an aunt that she was living in Leicester and thought that I was too! She was convinced that this woman, the wife of a university lecturer, was me and that I was ignoring her! It takes quite a level of paranoia to do this.
She has since died and I felt, and still feel, nothing. I know that breaking from such a source of hatred and spite was the right thing to do. Life is too short to waste it on people who have those feelings about you - even if they have the same parents.