Honest Little Blighters....

[Creemteez]

Grand-daughter (Lowen - Three in April) came over this morning with Daddy (Mr Teez' son), Mummy and baby brother. Adults and baby were sitting at the table having elevensies, while Lowen entertained Beau with the wrapper from a Freddo Bar. She suddenly became rather transfixed by a photograph we have up of her father, uncle and auntie, taken a few years ago as a gift for Mr Teez.
Me: "Are you looking at the picture, Lowen?"
Lowen: "Yes!"
Me: " Who is in the picture then?"
Lowen: " Uncle Jamie, Aunty Vikki and Daddy... with red spots on his face!"
(Daddy's coffee sprayed everywhere as Daddy was a bit of a pizza-face in his teens.
She also informed Grandad today that "..You can run away from Trolls easily because they've got knoberly knees"

So what little gems have your little ones come out with?

[bishop]

I have a daughter who is three in march, 2 or three weeks ago after taking her big sister to school, the first thing i do is make myself a cup of tea, Libby has a drink of juice and a biccy, but that morning Libby said can i have a cup of tea, my reply was no you have juice, Libby's answer was dad if you don't make me a cup of tea the monsters will get you.

[Flummery]

G'daughter - I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A FROG! (shout, shout)
Daughter - calm down a bit an then I'll talk to you.
G'daughter NO! I DON'T TALK TO SILLY FROGS!!

[bobleponge]

"Ok darling daughter, when we get back home, dont tell mum about that set of golf clubs I just bought and have hidden in the back of the car".
"Ok dad" comes the reply.

Hmm, no prizes for the very first words that left her mouth as we walked into the front door. That was about 20 years ago and I've still not forgiven her.

[northepaul]

Dad: "Ring the bell and see if Mum is home"
Daughter gives him a funny look, "Of course she is, its not like she's got a job or anything!"

[mrswadders]

a friend's little girl many years ago when she was about 5 was being quite naughty so mum told her to go up to her room and calm down. Well she went up as told but 5 mins later came down put her head round the door and quite calmly said ''I don't like you mummy you're mean and nasty and.......you've got a big bum'' and then promptly stomped up the stairs.
As you can imagine my friend and I were in absolute hysterics. I must admit I use the line if a pupil thinks i'm being a bit hard on them at school now - stops them in their tracks coz they just don't know what to say next!!!

[Eco-Chic]

18 months old niece slept in a cot at the end of her parents' bed. A time honored trick was to ignore her if she stirred in the hope she would go straight back to sleep.

This particular night she stood up but failed to engage them in conversation.

"Goodnight everybodies" she spat at them with withering sarcasm and flung herself down into the cot and went to sleep.

[janeyo]

My 5 yr old- mummy, what's a meron?
Me- I don't know, where did you get the word from?
My 5 yr old - daddy shouts it at people when we drive to nanna's


I didn't correct him this time lol

[Comfreyfan]

My 5 year old g'daughter has just interrogated me on my relationship with OH (and I really mean interrogated!) and informs me that I should marry him because then I'll get a nice ring!

[jackie j]

My 2nd son aged 7 / 8 came out of primary school and threw his bag on the floor folded his arms and looked miserable, face like thunder, one of the mums asked whats wrong with you, his reply was my girlfriends chucked me, we fell about laughing but tried not to hurt his feelings. Many girlfriends later we laugh at that one.

[zebedee]

Some years ago, I worked in a Primary School with the Reception class kids - all about 4-5 years old. The group I was with were drawing pictures of the family (it was the term's theme). One very sweet natured little girl was very studiously drawing a picture of Mummy getting out of the bath! It was a typically kids picture, all stick like arms and legs. However, she had included rather a lot of detail, including pubic hair! She assured me that Mummy wouldn't mind her drawing the picture. A short while later, I went back to the group, and found the little girl carefully rubbing out the pubic hair. Like an idiot, I asked why she was doing this.
"Mummy hasn't got them any more!" she replied "Daddy took them off!"
Exit Zebeddee for hysterical laughter in the staff room.

[Rabidbun]

60th birthday party, my toddler went to help get the cake ready.

I hear "Shhh, look, this cake is for granny as a surprise, don't tell her!" followed by the determined thumping of little feet through the hall and "Granny, Granny, cake, CAKE!!!!!!!!".

[reetnproper]

My now 18yr old daughter came home from school aged about 7 I think and asked Grandad for help with her history homework.

Grandad: I'll try but I might not be able to help you very much as history isn't my best subject.
Daughter: That's ok Grandad, this is easy. I just need you to tell me what it was like, being a child during the great plague.

[reetnproper]

OH! OH! And another from same 18yr old daughter (aged 5) - she just hates it when I remember all these things you know. I've stored them all in my mind for MAJOR embarrasment pay back

Anyway. She's horse mad and always has been and her dearest wish from being 3 has been a pony of her own. Well this was out of the question but, as a good alternative, I decided to 'adopt' one from Redwings Sanctuary.

I didn't tell her and so, when the addoption pack arrived she was absolutely delighted. So delighted in fact, that when she spotted the Schools Liason Officer from Humberside Police, in town later that day, she raced up to him shouting:

Daughter: PC (whatever his name was), do you know that we are SOOOOOOOOOOO poor that mummy can't afford to buy me a pony.

PC: Oh that's a shame.

Daughter: Yess, but it's not a problem any more because she's abducted one instead .

[Glutton4...]

OH! OH! And another from same 18yr old daughter (aged 5) - she just hates it when I remember all these things you know. I've stored them all in my mind for MAJOR embarrasment pay back

Anyway. She's horse mad and always has been and her dearest wish from being 3 has been a pony of her own. Well this was out of the question but, as a good alternative, I decided to 'adopt' one from Redwings Sanctuary.

I didn't tell her and so, when the addoption pack arrived she was absolutely delighted. So delighted in fact, that when she spotted the Schools Liason Officer from Humberside Police, in town later that day, she raced up to him shouting:

Daughter: PC (whatever his name was), do you know that we are SOOOOOOOOOOO poor that mummy can't afford to buy me a pony.

PC: Oh that's a shame.

Daughter: Yess, but it's not a problem any more because she's abducted one instead .

Coffee >>>> Screen!