children and treat-giving

[janeyo]

I am curious to know people's opinions on this as it's a matter that seems to cause arguments with my mum a lot!

She picked my son up from school today and gave him a few sweets. I have no prob with this, but then she leaves the packets at ours for the children to eat. My children do get sweets but not vast quantities of them. I asked her to take them home today as we haven't opened the ones she sent last time yet!
She gets a bit huffy and says she doesn't see them very often and likes to give them treats. Makes me feel mean for not letting them eat them all, even though their tea is only an hour away.
I can understand tthe not seeing them so wanting to spoil them (but actually she sees them at least twice a week and more in the holidays), plus both great nannies like to give them sweets and Aunty.....and so it goes on!

I have always been a big lass and presumably some of this is down to the fact that a sa child I was constanyl given sweets by well meaning relaitives who wanted to spoil me!

I have said to the rellies that if they want to treat the children a few pennies kept in a jar is fine or a cheapy book etc or, or just to sit with them and do a puzzle or the like is much appreciated - why does it always have to be food related?!?

I am the only one why has to battle with their relations about this?

ps we had so much easter chocolate last year that at xmas I was still using it up for baking!

[Jeanied]

Get them to contribute to a book fund / college fund instead!

[organic]

I was going to suggest getting them to give the money rather than the sweets but it looks like you've got that covered.

I'm one of those people with a frightenly good memory for details - not like a savant, but I can remember things like the layout of the room and what the chunky crayon holders looked like on my first day at school (25 years ago) and conversations I've had with people I've only met once. That should give some context for the next bit.

My nan used to like to treat me too, but rather than give me sweets she used to give me a bit of money. Now while in my overly-detailed memory of the past I can vaguely remember two occasions of sweet-giving (one was my first Cadburys Eclair - the other was the fake smarties in a walking stick - remembered mainly because they are AWFUL) I have perfect recall over several occasions where she asked me to fetch her handbag before fishing out a few quid, handing them over when noone was looking and, in hushed tones, telling me not to tell my Grandad.

Things like that make an impression, especially if the kid is encouraged to spend the money on something good rather than on sweets (I've got my first ever pocket knife on the desk in front of me - bought with "treat" money - and I still use it and still smile every time I remember it)... sweet giving "treats" are generally forgotten by the end of the day.


I don't have kids, but I'm sure that if I did I'd feel the same. Food treats/sweets just aren't as good as things that make memories or things that last.

[digthatchick]

Things like that make an impression, especially if the kid is encouraged to spend the money on something good rather than on sweets (I've got my first ever pocket knife on the desk in front of me - bought with "treat" money - and I still use it and still smile every time I remember it)... sweet giving "treats" are generally forgotten by the end of the day.


I don't have kids, but I'm sure that if I did I'd feel the same. Food treats/sweets just aren't as good as things that make memories or things that last.

What a great reply to a very good question.

[janeyo]

she gives him pocketmoney too, in a money box at her house and when he has enough he goes to the shop with her and buys something he really wants. Never sweets with this money always a toy he has had his eye on. He is only 5 so already understands a bit about saving for something.

I just have a problem with the constant sweet 'treats'. I imagine they will come to associate relatives with treats and expect them!

And Sunday he goes to his other nanna's and it starts all over then too.. she is of the attitude that a little bit won't hurt. Which it won't, but the way they hand out the sweets etc it's not just a little bit!

[organic]

Then there's only one solution!
Move house... somewhere far away should do it. No treating relatives = problem solved.

[janeyo]

Ah but then I'd lose all my babysitters!

OH has just said he thinks it's because they grew up in a time when chocolate was rationed and therefore a real treat and sweets were not so easily accessible. They therefore have it in their heads that sweets are treats.

[petal]

Then there's only one solution!
Move house... somewhere far away should do it. No treating relatives = problem solved.

Which is what we did! Our son used to be sick every time he came back from his Nans! not anymore.....and as for babysitting - there are plenty willing out there!

[Creemteez]

Hmm, tricky one. Being a grandmother, I can fully sympathise with your mum's desire to spoil her grandchildren, but on the flip side, I am not a great believer in dishing out sweets at every opportunity. When we visit or are visited by our GD we ALWAYS refer to her mum ans dad as to whether a sweet treat is in order. It usually is as we only buy very small items (Freddo Bars are popular). We certainly wouldn't hand over a whole packet of anything as a sweet treat should be just that - a treat!
At Easter, we do not buy chocolate eggs as we do not want to add to the chocolate glut that developes from all the other relatives. Instead we have bought a "Faberge-style" Tin Egg which comes apart in two halves. Our intention is to buy a small toy or piece of dress-up jewellery and put it inside. We are hoping to use the tin egg over successive years so that it becomes a family tradition - much like a christmas stocking, that our GD will have some happy memories of opening.

[taff]

I just have a problem with the constant sweet 'treats'. I imagine they will come to associate relatives with treats and expect them!!

well that's an easy one, just tell her you don't want him to associate sweet treats with her, you'd rather they associated her with something else, something they can remember , like a good day out, or reading, or some other thing.
might be worth dropping a hint about dentists being expensive...

[Florence Fennel]

I have 8 grandchildren. I buy them huge bunches of grapes and punnets of strawberries and they have them at my house, or I give them to their parents to have at home, or to put in their packed lunches for school. They look on that as a treat. I also listen to what they are interested in and I try to give them surprises of a desired book, DVD or toy. They do have sweet treats occasionally from me, but only after I have asked their parents if it's ok. I like to think I treat them with my love and attention and I will not buy chocolate Easter eggs or Selection Boxes at Christmas!

[BFG]

What about asking them to give healthy treats? Grapes, apples, nuts, raisins etc.

[kirsty b]

My mum and dad don't see pickle all that much because of the distance (45 miles) and I can only get over there once a month or so, so I don't really mind about sweet treats from them as its not all the time.

As for Easter - I used to dread the piles of eggs, but gentle encouragement towards a little toy or something has been successful! Pickle loves tat and cheap looking costume jewellery - love the tin egg idea Creemteez

[northepaul]

My eldest two, (who are now 22 and 19) used to get given sweets by well meaing relatives too, so I can sympathise with you. What i used to do is put them away in cupboard and they used to have them Friday after school all at once (obviously not all if there's loads, but with mine it was generally 2-3 things each) that way you get the sugar buzz out the way in one go, and save their teeth enamel a bit.

Hope that helps

[HeyWayne]

Part of my early life was largely spent in 'old people's homes' as both my Mum and Nan were wardens in one (separate ones). As a result I was a little kid oft found running about, playing on the out of tune piano in the 'communual room' as it was called, or hanging about in the laundry room (I still find some comfort in the smell of a laundrette.

I digress.

All the old folk used to want to give me 50p or a pound note every now and then, and my Mum was a bit funny about me accepting money, so asked if they would mind giving me food treats instead.

One old lady - Bridgette, used to give me Tuc biscuits, another old fella - Barry, used to give me those pink wafer biscuits and another old lady - Big Wynne (there was a Little Wynne too by the way) used to give me Garibaldi biscuits.

I can't stand any of them now (the biscuits, not the people, who are all sadly no longer with us) - so you can have lasting memories associated with food, but they may not necessarily be good ones.

I was fortunate I guess in that I had (and still have according to LadyWayne) a very fast metabolism, which she hopes Bean has inherited as we fear LW's Mum is likely to feed to treat, which neither of us are particularly comfortable with.

Personally I'd always prefer for Bean to be given rewards rather than treats, but I realise I can't control his life 100%, and occasional treats will find their way in. I'll just do what I can to educate and hopefully things will all work out.

It's a toughie, fo show!