Man! It's hard work...

[chris]

... being a parent.

Little Seren is 8 months old now, and has not slept during the night since she was born. (I seriously mean that) - my wife and I were at breaking point, pretty much a breakdown was going to happen that day - so thankfully El's mother said Ellie can sleep over hers and she'll look after Seren for the night and bring in for feeds, whilst I stay here and get a nights sleep.

So, out of 8 months I've had 1 night full sleep (and that wasn't really full, as I kept waking wondering why she'd not woken up and screamed the house down). Anyway, I don't think my wife has had a proper night sleep since she was born - so yeah, extremely hard work. You've probably had sleepless kids etc yourselfs so you know where I'm coming from - some of the thoughts I've had are scary, I can tell you.

Anyway... 7 months into being parents we just about get her settling down in her cot at night.... then we go away for our first holiday (bluestone in West Wales - quite nice, bit pricey). We had a semi-detached lodge and she _screamed_ non-stop all night. Fearing for our neighbour we did everything we could to keep her quiet (until the last bloomin' day we realised that there was no one next door!!!).

Turns out she had an ear infection after taking her to the docs (which my wife had, and her mother had - and are prone to apparantly (dare I say it... ya why not.... bloody welsh genes )). On top of this she was teething (first teeth cutting through) so we both felt quite bad for getting upset with her, so we now can identify this type of scream [makes you feel like a s**t parent, I can tell you - when you dunno whats wrong and someone just points out that blatantly it's pain ]

We've tried everything, controlled crying, changing her from baby-led weaning, to pureed jar junk (I'm not a fan), then to making our own, etc ec, porridge before bed to fill her up, seeking alergy advice, different doctors (4 I think?), nurses/healthvistors - man exhausting.

Erm where was I.... ya so anyway, enough!

Spoke to a work college who gave me some intruction on a form of controlled crying - so started it tonight.

We also started her bedtime routine 30mins earlier to catch her before the 'meltdown'.

Put down in cot, say "sleep" - leave for 10 mins regardless.

Go in after 10, put back on her back, again "sleep" -leave for another.

Repeat.

After 30mins, that's enough "stress" for the baby, so settle her the usual way you would, then repeat the following night until they begin to realise that the needless upset/stress is for nothing. Sounds easy, quite difficult to do.

Really shocked... first set of crying: 20mins, then alseep (albeit across the cot with feet hanging out heh).

2nd Set, around 20mins again, but realised now too that it may be also a touch of seperation anxiety (spelling?) - she stopped crying as soon as she saw me and went to sleep. Moment I moved out of her sleepy vision, screamed the house down again. So to comprise (probably not hte best thing) I stood back whilst still in her vision, and she settled her self back to sleep... this is unheard of in the Marks household!

So, so far, so good.. fingers crossed.. we're going to keep this up to see how we get on, as it'd been so tough (I can see why so many couples split up after kids, on top of their other worries!) To think this is just with one too, and I wanted twins!!

Once we're out of the woods with this little one I'm gong to take my wife away (just us two) for a weekend, as I've no idea how she puts up with it all day (though she's an amazing baby during the day, always laughing etc) and then through the night for me to get as much sleep as poss for my job (I just started a new job as she was born). --- any suggestions? Local to the UK as I know El won't want to be abroad away from her at such a young age.

Ahh, bit better that's off my mind! So ya, hats off to you seasoned parents out there.. we wanted to have another one (with El wanting 3 in total- HAH!) but we're seriously considering it now... We pushed as well to move into a 4 bed place from our 2 bed house as we didn't have the room, so bit of a "hmmm" subject at the mo!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe.

[sorry about my mini rant ]

[chris]

Thinking about it ...touch wood it's not just a one off !!!

[CaroltheCarrot]

keep going with the controlled crying ,its worth it in the end although it does seem cruel and heart breaking.My youngest son did not sleep all night till he was eighteen months,
Three totally sleepness nights for the controlled crying and job done.
He is fourteen now and cant get the bu**er to get out of bed !!!!

[bobleponge]

Console yourself with the fact that it only gets worse!!

Seriously though, mine are all growedy up now, and yes I had many sleepless nights with them, but it passes. At a stage when they are good and ready they sleep.
Yes I remember feeling like a s**t parent when I got cross or shouted or something when there was no need, but nearly 30 years on (in my eldest's case) I have a fantastic relationship with my kids so it clearly didnt affect them too much.

Bottom line is you have a healthy and most of the time happy baby, so enjoy it.
And yes, having time for each other is also important, so a weekend away sounds a great idea.

[binley100]

We were really lucky with both of ours but my neighbour is going through exactly the same thing as you and they did with the first as well .
It will get better if thats any consolation ..

[janeyo]

OH MY GOODNESS it sounds horrendous, and I do not know how you have coped for so long.
Well done for finally getting some sleep and getting the litte one some sleep, it's is so important for babies to grow and develop.

I am SO lucky that with my 2 they both slept through (12 hours) from 8 weeks. Now they are almost 6 and almost 3 and they still do 12 hours! I swear I don't drug them lol.Had they not I am sure OH would have left as he is really grumpy if he misses sleep.

Fingers crossed it continues for you XXX

[chris]

Yep, thanks all - we know it'll get better, but damn sleep deprevation is scary! Most of our friend wth kids put theirs down at 7, and don't hear from them until 7am! I'd pay to have one of them!

Still, roll on when she comes in from a night out, hungover in the morning - then it'll be my turn to get her up early

[binley100]

Oh yes ......we have ways of getting our own back

[Helgalush]

Berlimey! I dont have kids (yet), and am now appropriately scared!!!

[CaroltheCarrot]

Helgalush they are worth it,or so i have been told!! still waiting for that day to arrive

[di]

Don't beat yourself up for being human.xxx
I can still remember the first time I snapped at Daisy(DD)for not sleeping...up until that point I never thought it possible that I'd be able to feel agitated by my precious bundle....sleep deprivation's a proper nuisance eh?
Hate to admit it,but I've lost count with the times I've moaned at them for dragging their feet or 'being awkward' and an hour or two later they've got a raging temperature.....but there's probably a whole lot more times where they've just been in an awkward mood and poorlyness wasn't to blame
It's certainly at times a challenging little adventure being a parent but one that's so worth it (nearly) everytime you look at them
Good Luck with the sleeping.They're all so different and I don't think one method works for all...we opted for the rather lazy method of having them in with us and have been lucky with very few sleepless nights...a friend however found hers just couldn't sleep in their bed and everytime her or hubbie turned the babe would wake and cry.
If you can find(hopefully you have)a method that works for her and you both feel comfortable with it then block your ears to anyone that tries to tell you different.
Don't assume that because one has had problems with sleep etc that another would be the same...Daisy used to have a three hour stint every evening where she'd do nowt but cry...Ash on the other hand rarely made a sound.

[tiachica]

Yep, our boy did not sleep through the night till he was 19 months old. We tried controlled crying at 6 months and 12 months of age, but he was just too hungry at night.

Hope it works for you.

[pipscariad]

I had to smile when I read this - it all came flooding back! With my lads (and yes, I did have twins ), I didn't get more than a handful of unbroken nights sleep for about 18 months - don't know how I managed to function, looking back! We did the controlled crying (awful, awful, but it did work), but then we seemed to have a knack of going away or some such just when things were going well, which would knock them all out of synch again. DD was slightly better (and there was only one of her ), but again, it took a while before sleeping through became the norm.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that things continue to look up for you - and the time does come when you manage to get a decent nights sleep every night.

[northepaul]

Hi Chris
I did the controlled crying with my youngest (whose now nearly 7) and although it seems cruel etc, its not, its just teaching them a routine. You must stick to it and I know you need to be made of steel to do it, but in the end you'll have a child with a good sleep routine and YOU WILL TOO!!
My daughter slept from 6 months old (we did it younger) from 10 til 6 in the morning, then as she became active (crawling etc) from 8 - 8 in morning. She still has more or less 12 hours a night.
So thats proof it DOES WORK!!
GOOD LUCK and HANG ON IN THERE!!

[Patchninja]

You've got heartfelt feelings from a lot of grapes here! My eldest, 30 this May! didn't sleep until she was 13 months old. We tried everything and nothing worked. My son came along 3 years later and slept and slept so don't let it put you off having another
My daughter now has 2 of her own - Harry aged 2 1/2 is a very bad sleeper but Oli, 1 today!!!!!!! sleeps really well. Who can tell?
You and your wife will get through it. Bob is right - you need to be very kind to each other. We're all fragile when we're exhausted.