Appearances

[zebedee]

Why do people judge immediately on appearances? I know first impressions are supposed to count, especially in critical, ie, interview situations, but in every day life, why can't people judge on who a person IS rather than what they look like.

You see a young man walking down the road, long hair all over the place, thick bushy beard, dressed in grunge style, and it appears the commonest reaction is, 'scum-bag' or 'junkie'.

My youngest son looks like that! We brought him up to think for himself, to make his own mind up, to be who he is, NOT what people think he should be. We have been told, he is extremely polite, very well mannered, very helpful, yet he is labelled a waster. WHY?

[Jeanied]

Sorry to hear that, Zebedee - clearly some incident has sparked this post.
I always try and keep an open mind when meeting someone new - specially the groups of youngsters who would be labelled as 'hoodies'.
In the course of my work, I usually find them to be anything but the stereotype! And even if they do conform to the steretoype in some ways - they often have many saving graces. They are just learning.

[OllieMartin]

Sadly it's both a blessing AND a curse.
Due to the evolution of the human brain we have developed enlarged frontal lobes that allow us to do a number of things that no other species on the planet can do. One of those is to experience a situation without it actually happening to us.
This allows us to predict the outcome of an action or encounter before it happens and protects us from danger as well as saving us time. It is basically the source of our intuition and is fed from our previous experiences.

If we don't judge a person by their appearance consciously, then we do it subconsciously as a defence mechanism. E.g. If a burly man in a balaclava knocks on our door and asks if he can read our electricity meter we are likely to think, "Something's not right here!".
Sadly this also means that if every time we encounter a blue-eyed person we have a bad experience, then we are likely to assume there is something amiss with people with blue eyes. This is also true of the experiences we are told about by other people, often why people become racist without ever spending any time around people of other races.

So if people are constantly told negative things, or have negative experiences related to young men with long hair and big bushy beards, our intuition tells us to formulate an opinion about them before we actually meet them.
Sad, but true.

[HeyWayne]

Your son sounds a lot like how I used to look - similar mannerisms too. I was very conscious of my appearance (I was very skinny at the time), and it got me down to a large degree - I was convinced my appearance was the reason I'd never had a girlfriend.

To some extent that may have been true - I cut my hair all off and some months later met LadyWayne. Yay.

However.

Several years later (engaged to LadyWayne) we were in a local Sainsburymarket and apparently one of LadyWayne's male colleagues spotted us from afar. He wouldn't come over and say hello because he was scared of me.

I had a skinhead at the time.

Moral of the story - long or short hair, I'm still the same dude.

[Seahorse]

Your boy sounds a lovely young chap Zebedee and I totally agree that it's infuriating when people just assume things. It more or less washes over me now but I know plenty of people see me with my eccentric hair and large tribe of offspring and make instant assumptions as to my background, beliefs and lifestyle!

Ollie, I'm not sure I totally agree with you. When people look 'scary', that's one thing but far too many people judge you for just looking 'different'.

However, if it's any consolation to Zebedee Junior, I find there is a certain camaraderie between people who look a little unconventional. One of the biggest smiles I've ever had (and given) was when I was walking down the street with turquoise hair and wearing a pink coat, only to meet a lady with pink hair and a turquoise coat

[taff]

because most people are diots...however, we of the type that are judged on appearance, are usually much nicer people and we all know it

[OllieMartin]

Ollie, I'm not sure I totally agree with you. When people look 'scary', that's one thing but far too many people judge you for just looking 'different'.

I'm not saying it's okay, just that quite often people can't help but to judge, it's an automatic reaction hardwired into our systems. It's the same system that keeps us away from unsavory characters that causes us to generate opinions on everyone else.

I have people judge me too, but the only time it's shown is the occasions when I've been asked if I'm gay, I just laugh and assume it's because I've looked after the way I look (rather than that I might look like a pervy old man!)
Last time I was in a gay club (yes I know, but there are lots of heterosexuals in there too, and it's actually a really good night!) a girl came over to me and asked, "Can he have your number", pointing to a male friend of hers. I replied, "Sorry, I'm not gay", to which she said, "There's no way you're not gay!".
Can't help but laugh!

[Alison]

Ollie, to be fair, I think the fact that you were in a gay club may have had something to do with the girl thinking you were gay! Yes I know not everybody is (some of the clubs and bars in Manchester are fab and it's a great girls' night out) but there was a clue in the title

[lindyloo]

o.p :my son too!! he wears a hoodie and long hair, rips in his jeans,etc. and is a kind well mannered young man.

personally, i like people who dress with a bit of personal verve, and find some of the gothic and more advant-garde dress and hair very interesting; i like the fact that the people who dress individually, have the courage to do so.

in a way, i think the press has generated alot of the negativity about hoodies and baseball caps, etc., and as a species, a good proportion of us tend to run with the crowd and feel threatened by anything different.

thankfully, i have always been a strong individual and do my own thing ( yes- i'm an old hippie) and think for myself. i am a free spirit and admire others who express themselves in a more individual way, and i think this is harder to do in todays society: i think, it has become far more homogenized and conventional as a general rule, with a lot more importance being placed on appearance position and possessions, with the press and media having quite a lot of power over what is acceptable. ( just thinking of 30 years back- who can remember the quirky charecters that every town had- how many do we see nowadays? - in my town they are all sadly gone and forgotten, and i for one miss seeing some colourful and interesting charecters) sorry- diverting from hoodies here, but it is an individual expression, all the same.

[Brengirl]

I think most young people are looking for an identity. They could choose cool, clean and reliable but that is a bit boring so let us raise a few eyebrows and make a statement. I know I pushed the boundaries in my time and sometimes rued it.

[di]

because most people are diots...however, we of the type that are judged on appearance, are usually much nicer people and we all know it

...aren't we just

Zebedee...hope your son's not facing grief over his appearance.Sounds like he's got a great Dad that's helped him become a confident lad who looks the way he wants to look and good on you both.

I overheard a couple of Older ladies 'whispering'()about me on the bus the other day.....'...she's actually a lovely girl...blah,blah,blah...'.I guess they'd made their initial judgement on my hair and tats and although it felt a little awkward overhearing them,it also made me smile that they'd managed to shake their prejudice.
I spent a miserable few years trying to conform to everybody elses ideas of how I should look,thankfully I saw sense and I'm back to being me...tis one heck of a lot more comfortable

[Brengirl]

Looking back over the years and the different persona's I have exhibited I realise now I have never ever known who or what I am. I admire people who have found an identity and are proud of it

[OllieMartin]

Ollie, to be fair, I think the fact that you were in a gay club may have had something to do with the girl thinking you were gay! Yes I know not everybody is (some of the clubs and bars in Manchester are fab and it's a great girls' night out) but there was a clue in the title

What are you trying to say?
*allows hand to hang limply from wrist while flicking an imaginary lock of hair over his his ear*

[Brengirl]

What are you trying to say?
*allows hand to hang limply from wrist while flicking an imaginary lock of hair over his his ear*

You are so just a sweetie. Whatever

[Jeanied]

I think we have a deputy olliecentric eulogy minister on our hands, Ollie!