I guess we're all special.

[bobleponge]

I dont do thought, its like indolence or being late, I just dont do it.
However, I've just come off the phone to my oldest friend, and he said something which really struck me.

I've known said bloke since 1986 when we were both on a course in the army, quite a long tough course that I was lucky enough to pass but he left after a couple of months, but we have always stayed in touch since.

I dont consider myself to be anything special in any way shape or form, I'm an average bloke, of average height, weight, fitness, intelligence etc whereas my mate is royally bright. He's not quite as old as dear old Seahorse but he's certainly no spring chicken and he's just completed an Ironman triathlon. He owns his own home, no mortgage after having worked abroad as a self employed clever bloke consultant, and whilst I'm not in awe of him, I have always held him in very high regard due to him just being the way he is.

During our phone conversation he said to me "I cant believe I have you as a mate, I always think that one day you're going to find out I'm a fraud and you wont speak to me ever again."
When I asked him what he meant, he said that he thought I was such a great bloke because of X, Y and Z, things to me that are of no consequence and nothing I would boast about or even mention, and yet when I said the same to him, in reverse, he replied that his A, B and C were of no consequence and nothing that he would boast about or mention.

I found it incredible that a bloke I hold in such high regard for being such a top banana, thought similar of me.

For all of you (like me) who think you are nothing special, Mr/s average, you will be special to someone.


I've just read that back and it doesnt really convey what I wanted it to, but I've written it now and can't be a***d to delete such a long waffle.

[Brengirl]

May I be the first to congratulate you on having a friend that recognises your true worth and strength. I am quite sure he is not the only one who is proud to be your friend.

[DarkCrow]

I concur Bren, funny how you never know how others percieve you, special when someone you've known for years tells you. i had a similar thing years go and i'll never forget it

[piskieinboots]

*gets hankie, wipes tears

awww

Actually, yes - erm, I've had the same but I'm darned if I can see what they see - odd innit

[Patchninja]

You come across here as being a top banana yourself! We can only hope that we help/touch someone in a good way from time to time.

[Florence Fennel]

Oh would soime power the gift to give us, to see ourselves as others see us.
Robbie Burns.

[Brengirl]

We all live in a very critical world. Whatever our persona is it can be irritating to some. I am quite sure that there are those who deem me self opinionated but in my heart I know this to be untrue. I really only want to please all of the people all of the time and to that end I wear many hats.

[Flummery]

That why people become our friends. They see something in us we often don't see in ourselves (and they see and forgive the things we do see and wish we didn't have!)

[Seahorse]

Overlooking your personal comment young man (ooh, 50 is looming for you now, isn't it? ) maybe the real message here is that we should all try and tell people what they mean to us. I think it's very easy to drift along assuming that your closest people know how you value them but it never hurts to say it out loud

[HotStuff]

I've just read that back and it doesnt really convey what I wanted it to, but I've written it now and can't be a***d to delete such a long waffle.

I think you expressed yourself very well Bob, in fact you've articulated exactly the way I feel about my best friend. We've known each other for about 12 years. I know I'm not the easiest person to get on with but even thru the rough times I've been thru of late he's always been there. Many times have I wondered why he hasn't given up on me. True friends are a rare thing and should be celebrated.

[Pumpkin Becki]

Bobster, I understand exactly what you mean.

I'm lucky enough to have two best friends. I've known my best (girl)friend (Mills) for twenty years, but she moved away when she went to college and never came back to Kent. We text, write and send gifts to each other, but I don't often pick up the phone, coz I don't like to bother her. When we do though, its like we've never been apart, she's an inspiration to me, lights up my life and I always tell her I love her and miss her.

Normally I can tell Mills anything, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell her that my mother was ill (10 years ago), or that she had subsequently passed away...I think that hurt her a bit, I should have trusted that she would help and support me through that time, just as we had supported each other through other tough times. I won't make that mistake again. She's too important to me, and it's important that she knows she's important to me.

[smallblueplanet]

...maybe the real message here is that we should all try and tell people what they mean to us. I think it's very easy to drift along assuming that your closest people know how you value them but it never hurts to say it out loud

About the last I agree.

But perhaps it might be easier for relationships to work better if people were aware of their own worth? I'm not talking of bigging up your ego but just being true to one's own self. What's so great about 'false modesty'?

[pipscariad]

He's right yer know - I'm another one who knows you're a top banana.

[di]

About the last I agree.

But perhaps it might be easier for relationships to work better if people were aware of their own worth? I'm not talking of bigging up your ego but just being true to one's own self. What's so great about 'false modesty'?

It pains my modesty to agree

In many of us,whether it's down to genes or never really having a true sense of self worth embedded in us as we were growing up,being able to believe in our own self worth is bloomin' tough....believe me I hate it and wish I could find it easier,but it's something I'm constantly working on and even if I never quite get there myself I make sure the kiddies are constantly made aware of just how great they are

Doesn't help that we live in a society where confidence is often mistaken for cockiness.

[bobleponge]

Hmmm, I've been reflecting on my reflections and I reckon:

With me certainly its nothing to do with false modesty, my peer group is made up of predominantly people who do/have done a similar job to me, thus anything that I have done is "the norm" in my peer group.

Doctors really do save lives every day, but I bet the average doctor doesnt think of him/herself as a special person. I know we have a few nurses on the Vine, my admiration for them is boundless, but I doubt if they deem themselves as special, as the majority of their peers do the same thing.

The things that my friend found remarkable, are to me, nothing but ordinary. If I tried to mention the same things to the majority of my peer group, they would all be asleep with boredom in a heartbeat as they would mostly have done the same thing.

I think the real point I was trying to make was that I was astounded that such a talented, intelligent and thoroughly nice bloke as my mate, would think he was such a "fraud" in his words.

And I'm a looooong way from 50 Mme Seahorse!! (Ok, not that long)