People just turning up

[Jax]

So a few of the OH's family and freinds are the type of people that dont speak to you to check your not busy before turning up they just arrive!! It really annoys me but I leave it as they are not my family/friends. It does annoy OH but he just says its nice they bother coming to see him. Now as some people know we are going to be having stuff going on now that cannot be interupted (hubbys treatment) and Im wandering how I can stop them from just turning up tactfully. Especially as to start off with hubby doesnt want them knowin whats going on as he wants to be left alone to get on with it, without being pestered by them as they are negative influences anyway and bring him down. Soooo any ideas how I can tactfully say " If you're not going to call and give decent notice, DONT COME ROUND" lol

[jackie j]

Can someone say it for you, or a little note to let them know that you wont be around for a while so please give us a call before popping in.

[OverWyreGrower]

Last time we had visitors who 'just popped in' without warning, I was butchering some freshly slaughtered chickens in the kitchens.... they were hanging from the cupboard doors - heads, feet, feathers and all

Needless to say, they haven't done it since!

I think if treatment is involved, your hubby will have to tell them sooner or later. Perhaps a letter, explaining as much as he feels comfy with, asking that they phone or text before visiting. My sister has cancer, and has explained to other friends and family that although she is in the house all day, she is not well enough for prolonged visits, or 'drop-ins'. She will take herself off to bed if she feels someone has outstayed their welcome.

Perhaps your hubby could do that - set a limit of (for example) 30 mins for a visit; and then explain that he is going to bed (even if he's not). That should let them know that you can't just be dropped in on when their schedule is free.

[SueA]

It's a shame that your O.H. doesn't want them to know what's really going on as maybe that would make them more understanding but I suppose he must know what his own family are like. I'd just call them or mention to them when you see them that you're both going to be very busy with something to do with work (if that's possible) or if not say that you're planning on going away for lots of short breaks so if they want to come round could they ring first to check that you'll be in. Could be difficult though if they live nearby & might see you.

[Nicos]

You know- I've had a good hard think about this.
Whatever you say they will either ignore you- cos it's a habit- or they'll be offended.
A tough one

All the best with the treatment x

[Two_Sheds]

My outlaws used to do that: sometimes even letting themselves in with a key !

I keep all the doors locked with keys in them unless I'm in the garden. They don't do it now, because they don't have a car and won't use the bus.

I love visitors, but really do appreciate at least 10 mins warning, so I can get out of my PJs and into proper clothes

[taff]

you can just say it's a really busy time of year for you, and you may not be in even if it looks like you are [foiling burglars with indoor lights on], so please ring first/leave a message a couple of days in advance.
If he knows when his treatment is, you can say we'll be here at such and such a time, so if you're going to visit, we'll definitely be here then.

[Florence Fennel]

Lock the door and don't answer their knocking Jax!

[Jax]

Thanks guys, guess what. One of the main ones turned up this evening. So I tried the subtle "we are speaking to his mum and dad about them just turning up and not giving notice" it didnt work as he started waving around like an idiot (can you tell I dont like him lol) saying "I just turn up!" So I thought sod it this subtle thing isnt working b*ugger it. So I said "yes, and your gonna have to pack it in. Your going to have to start ringing before you turn up!" he then said "but you know when I'm coming, I am predictable" to which I answered quite politely although was getting annoyed "well, please could you call first and check its ok" I doubt its going to work but hey. t drives me ma people turning up.

Its not life threatening its an intense behavioural therapy as he is agoraphobic but they upset him and he just wants to get on with it without anyone interfering if that makes sense. They will find out in the end but to start off he wants to do it privately. Only one other person knows (outside you lot) but he is an incredibly good freind, so supportive.

[Jeanied]

Jax, it sounds like you did just the right thing. It may take a few tellings before the message is well and truly understood - but you are doing it for all the right reasons.

[Jax]

Thankyou Jeanied, does anyone else find it rude when people just turn up or is it just me?

[binley100]

I used to have friends who always seemed to turn up just as it was the kids bedtime routine which put everything out. I can understand how you feel . Doesn't happen these days tho' I know when my Dad's coming and everyone else phones first, cos they know I'm out a lot either at the lottie or work.

[DarkCrow]

I sooooo Know what you mean JAX

[petal]

Oh, for a bit of peace and quiet!!!

[zazen999]

Thankyou Jeanied, does anyone else find it rude when people just turn up or is it just me?

For the next few times, open the door [at all times] in your jacket/coat and say 'sorry, we are just going out, you should have rung - let us know next time as we are out and about alot at the moment'.