People just turning up

[binley100]

For the next few times, open the door [at all times] in your jacket/coat and say 'sorry, we are just going out, you should have rung - let us know next time as we are out and about alot at the moment'.

Where's the box to tick Like this

[Glutton4...]

Thankyou Jeanied, does anyone else find it rude when people just turn up or is it just me?

It's not necessarily rude, but it is bl**dy inconsiderate! Personally, I don't like people just dropping in, but that's because I'm an unsociable c*w, and the place usually resembles a tip!

Presumably his Parents know about his agoraphobia? If so, then they probably assume he gets no company, and that having company is good for him. Being his parents they will also naturally assume their company is good for him!

I think you need to talk to them, and tell them straight. Sorry, but you will need to tell them that their visits upset him. Have you considered the fact that they may be the underlying cause of his problem in the first place? Have they always been this pushy and demanding or controlling?

Now your Husband has you, his Parents probably feel that they are losing a little of their control, and they probably don't like handing it over.

You sound like a strong person, and that's what your Husband needs. He is lucky to have you on his side.

Sorry, Hon, I'm waffling! Hope it goes ok, big ((((HUGS)))) from me!

[Alison]

I love it when friends pop round and the fact that they actually want to, however there are also times when I'm really grateful when they leave. I wouldn't be happy if anybody let themselves in (unless agreed when I was away) so don't give the key out (if they're letting themselves in then either ask for the keys back or change the locks as they're just being rude and pretty much trespassing!) and if you really don't want them to come in then just ignore the door bell.

[janeyo]

I hate it when people just turn up. My friends know it unsettles me so they normally don't do it any more. My mum has a naughty habbit of arriving just as I am dishing up tea for the children, so we had to ask her not to come between certain times.
When the babies were tiny I used to put note on the door saying 'do not disturb - newborn sleeping', s I was also tying to sleep when they did.

I don't answer the door if I don't want to. Unless it's the postie or a delivery.

A friend turned up unexpectedly a few months back and I was in the middle of cleaning out some cupboards. She walked in, looked at the mess and said 'I'm so glad you're normal, your house is normally so perfect!' LOL she hasn't been back without checking first though- think the mess scared her off!

I think in the case of your rellies, if they are so thick-sckinned that subtle hasn't worked then it's time to be BLUNT!

[its hilly]

Not many people call on me unless they phone first cos I'm never in..lol. The ones that do are really good friends who know that if I am busy they will either end up helping, or I will drop it for half an hour so we can natter, then they will get told to sod off..
A couple of my best friends have keys for emergencies, but they have to be best pals cos my German Shepherd would eat anyone else who stepped through our door unannounced.

And yup Jax, you were right to be blunt. There are times when you need to know you will have peace, and I expect oh will be wanting to think things over quietly without probe by anyone knowing he's having treatment. Good luck to him.

[di]

Good Luck with your OH's treatment Jax.x

As for how to deal with un expected company,,,I think you need to be honest.I hate lies...they nearly always get found out and when they do trust and respect are lost...and if they don't get found out the liar is living in fear of the day they do.
I'd tell them straight that at least for the next few weeks they're going to need to let you know when they plan on visitting and will have to accept if you say it's inconvenient.
You're OH has the right to not let them know that he's undergoing treatment but you could at least tell them(with his agreement)that he's decided he wants to get the better of it and he feels he needs the personal space to do so.
They're probably just incredibly worried about him and think that they're his only contact with the outside world.

All the best.x

[Two_Sheds]

Thinking about it, actually I tend to just turn up unannounced too! Often I'll give a 10 min text warning though; when I go to my mum's or sister's it's usually on the way to somewhere else. I wouldn't be offended if they said "we're out" either.

I certainly don't expect them to clean the house for my visits, and I'd love it if they dropped by mine unexpectedly (or at all )

[Jax]

To be honest, there are certain people that would be welcome to drop by but the inlaws are a big problem and yes g4 we have considered this. I wouldnt like to say its their fault but you see where Im going dont you.

I dont want to lie to them but they just dont understand anything I ever say. Its like we speak different languages. Its so frustrating and because hes agoraphobic and I stay with him they know we are always here so its a case of he's always there (presumably poised and ready for them to arrive) so they dont need to check its ok.

Its actually gotten to the point, that if the mood takes us we have to make sure the door is locked so people dont just walk in!!!!

Thankyou all for the kind words though, I will try and have the conversation and see what happens. I'll let you all know x

[SueA]

I can undersatnd your problem now that you've explained about your O.H.'s condition as it would be difficult to say you wouldn't be in when they know that he probably will be in. I'd just say that you both need a bit of space & time to yourselves & would they please call before they come round to check it's O.K. I hope everything works out & that your O.H. does get some results from the treatment.
On a lighter note I remember when I was little my dad's brother used to pop round unannounced having travelled up from Birmingham on the off chance that we'd be in. Sometimes he used to bring his entire family, wife, sis-in-law, daughter & her husband & 3 kids! They'd turn up on Sunday afternoon & expect to be fed, we didn't have much money & never had enough food to go round the guests so I'd end up helping mum tear up little pieces of bread & mixing it in a tin of cheap salmon to try & make enough for a tiny dollop on each plate with salad!

[Alison]

IThey'd turn up on Sunday afternoon & expect to be fed, we didn't have much money & never had enough food to go round the guests so I'd end up helping mum tear up little pieces of bread & mixing it in a tin of cheap salmon to try & make enough for a tiny dollop on each plate with salad!

But how wonderful that they came back even after you'd only been able feed them a meagre meal. Shows that they obviously came to see you and not for the food or anything else

[Patchninja]

It's not ideal, but could your husband tell them that YOU are the one who's ill and needs peace and quiet?

[Two_Sheds]

Or could you tell them you're having a week's intensive procreation practise?

[Jax]

Or could you tell them you're having a week's intensive procreation practise?

That is the best idea by far!!

[jackie j]

The next time the person turns up that you were blunt with, open the door and say sorry I told / asked you to ring first, now is not a convienient time and you cant come in. When that person starts to say anything be firm say bye and shut the door, They will get the message.

[Nicos]

Could you both maybe catch the plague????