I have a dilemma

[Glutton4...]

... it's lovely to have visitors, but it's even nicer when they leave!

Oh sooooo right!

[di]

Looking at it from the flipside.....and that's not me defending them at all,I agree that they seem to be abusing your kindness...but!Do they realise it?
The fact that you're being so hospitable to give your sons girlfriend a roof over her head signals to me that you're a kind/accomadating person...and for her to feel comfortable taking up the offer she must think a lot of you...is there any chance that they think you're enjoying looking after them?(your son may even have told her how much you'd enjoy having someone in the house to mother again.)
Have you chatted to them about how you feel?Perhaps a little chat is all that's needed.Although I agree that she should be pulling her weight I think be careful how you go about it...make suggestions first and give her the chance to act upon them.Starting to writing lists and giving deadlines could end up causing unnecessary hard feelings.
Also...just a thought...she may feel uncomfortable cleaning/cooking in your kitchen...again,I'm not making excuses but perhaps she needs to be told she's allowed...funny ole things young'uns
Hope you get it sorted and can soon reclaim your home.x

[SarzWix]

Hear hear Di

I hated it when I had to move back home - I'd been used to looking after myself for years, and to be prancing round my mum in the kitchen and trying to get my washing done, was a real pain. I didn't used to eat at the same time as them either, and constantly asked mum not to cook for me because I wasn't hungry the minute I walked in from work, but she disliked anyone 'messing the kitchen up' after she'd finished cooking... Very odd, strained situation. Would have been great if she'd said 'Here, you cook on Tues, Thurs and Saturday, and take over the laundry at the weekends'. As it was, I moved back out as soon as humanly possible because she wouldn't relinquish control of anything
I definitely think a chat is the way to go, you can always bring the heavy guns out later if it doesn't work

[lizzylemon]

Have to say I'm with Di and Swiz on this one; talk first, issue demands later. I've just had to move back to my parents on a part-time weekend basis and it's really hard to know what mum thinks is helpful or what she'd think of as interfering, and as I lost my job 3 months back I can't afford to chip in with cash to help out - I still have a lot of bills to pay even though I'm technically homeless!

If it was me I'd try talking to them like they're adults first. Explain you need help, and that it will cause resentment if nothing happens and if said in a firm way it should stick. You could start off by saying you understand it difficult it's been and you've given them a 2, 3, 4 week rest but now they have to chip in etc etc.
Hope it all works well in the end and you all remain friends.