Grape Help Please... would it be impolite to...

[OverWyreGrower]

OK, would it be impolite to ask our relatives to not buy us presents this year, and instead give us the money?

The problem is that we have loads of work that we want to do in the garden and house; but it involves, for instance, hiring machinery/equipment (mini-digger, skip, floor sander etc), as well as buying any products etc as needed (fencing materials, varnish). We've done loads of stuff for free without machinery, including dismantling a 15ft long, 10ft high rotten wooden greenhouse, including digging up the foundations - all by hand, on our own. We've got to the stage where a lot of the work that is left needs specialist stuff (massive tree stumps to dig out, a couple of tons of soil to move, a massive concrete slab to break up and move etc)

We are pretty skint, and can save up over time for most of the stuff; however, it will take us ages to save up for some of the stuff.

Now, if I ask my mum, she won't mind not buying us stuff, and will give us the money instead. However, a lot of the relatives on Mr OWG's side of the family still buy gifts. It's not that about 90% of them aren't nice, well thought out gifts (usually to do with cooking or gardening); but when we're wanting to get on with other stuff, I'd rather have an actual £5/£10 note in my hand to use as we see fit.

I just don't know how they'd take it... I had thought of writing a nice letter to everyone (by hand, not on the computer) and explaining why we want this instead of actual presents...

Would you be offended to get such a letter? What would you think?

Argh! Help!

[rustylady]

No, I certainly wouldn't be offended. Specially if the reasons were explained.

[Jeanied]

How about making up a photo collage / picture from magazines of what you are wanting to do - and say this is your Xmas wish list for Santa. You could even split the task up into costed units - like the hire of the digger for a half day with a picture of a digger.
That way people will be a bit more involved in the pressies rather than cash which is a bit cold.
One other consideration - some people don't like to say how much they have spent on gifts as they are on a tight budget and have bought something they found to be affordable. So they may be less keen on the cash option.

[SarzWix]

If you could get one of his family on-side, like his mum or sister or whatever, that might make it easier. Maybe leave a money box with them that other family members could shove a little-something into - no-one need know who'd put what into it then? I dunno, just a random thought...

Anyway, I wouldn't be in the least offended - my friend recently asked for contributions toward a new fence for her birthday which was fine by me. The money I would have spent in a card, and a bar of choc to eat on the day - sorted

[lettucegrow!]

Sounds like a great idea to me. They might be really pleased as it's one pressie crossed of the shopping list. Everyone's happy.

[ginger ninger]

I've lost count how many times I wish I could do this for our relatives, it would make life soooo much easier if we could give money. Looking for and finding the perfect gift for some one isn't easy. Your relatives might give a big hurry to a great idea...and ya never know, some might even muck-in when you start on the work .
Nothing ventured and all that!!

[bobleponge]

I wouldnt be offended if the reasons had been explained to me beforehand.
I do like the photo collage thingy, showing what work is to be done, seems perfectly reasonable to me.

[northepaul]

The only problem I can foresee is people might be worried that they look mean just giving you a fiver etc...

[coreopsis]

Go for it!For the last few years I was always moaning about the quantity&quality of the Xmas gifts.Yes,I might sound as ungrateful cow but I rather get 1 thing that I want than 50 things I'm never going to use.
I never know what to buy for my folks and I'd be VERY grateful for hints,either things they want or money.Sorted.They got what they want and are happy,I don't have to think for several months what they'd like.Call me selfish,I hate useless gifts,either to give them or receive them.
When I was a teenager,together with my sister and cousins we used to make a list what we wanted to get-not expensive things,more like books or CD's.Sadly here I was told "only kids write to Santa".What a pity.
Don't be shy.Ask.Nothing to be ashamed of.

[Nicos]

Either cash- or maybe vouchers???

Garden centre vouchers would be useful- maybe even Boots/M&S ones which you could swap with a friend for cash? Do Tesco etc do vouchers???...you could spend them on food etc and put the money you would have spent into the kitty.

yep- I love jeanies idea of a 'wish book' to show peeps

(do make sure you receive something to unwrap though on Xmas morning!!!)

[kirsty b]

Nah, wouldn't offend me. My dad often gives OH and me money for Christmas. He only buys presents for the grandchildren now.

Like some of the ideas on here though for explaining your reasons for asking.

[jackie j]

I always ask my kids if they want money or gifts, I usually say how much I am spending on them and ask them to choose something. Usually end up buying extra's lol.
Tesco as well as other stores do gift cards which would be a good idea towards food shopping.
My inlaws ask us what we would like as well, one year ( a few years ago ) I asked for money towards flooring ( laminate ) for the hall, I got the money, we got the flooring, still waiting for oh to put it down.
When we got married we both had our own house so we asked for gift vouchers from places we knew we would spend them on what we needed, B & Q, M & S. etc.
Explain why you would like money or vouchers this year.

[Bramble_killer]

I think it's common to ask for cash nowadays especially if you explain that you want it for something big.

I second posters who have said have a wish book to show them what it's going towards and maybe take a photo to use as a thank you card so they know their present was useful.

[Florence Fennel]

I would welcome being able to give money for birthdays or Christmas, but my DIL believes that there is no thought behind a gift of money, so I'm not allowed to! I think it's very sensible of you to request money and if you give the reasons, I am sure your family will be only too pleased to agree.

[Nicos]

Well...I've been thinking about this all day

OK!!...
- I'd ask for a tiny stocking filler ( the surprise bit)...maybe worth £2 or so( bit like Secret Santa)

..and then the money bit

I think the element of surprise is the fun bit of Xmas ( note no use of the C* word there)
Then contributions to the greater cause...

....simples!