Anger

[Brengirl]

Just a recap on my earlier post Jax. If your care and attention is likely to make him better then indeed stay the course but on the other hand if you yourself collapse and need care is there anyone that will care for you and would you want them to?.

[Jax]

I know what you mean Bren, its a difficult one and one I dont think I will know the answer to. Lets just hope it doesnt come to it. I have warned him when Im old itll be my turn hehehe

[Seahorse]

I am probably saying nothing at all that you dont already know and haven't investigated but there IS help (both financial and practical/emotional) for those caring for the mentally ill. The problem may be that for you to get Carer's Allowance, respite care etc your OH first has to get Disability Living Allowance. From what you've said here and previously, he should qualify but he may not wish to acknowledge that?

Can I suggest you contact Mind ? They will be able to at least point you to various things that should help, however small. You're no good to OH, or anyone, if you end up ill yourself.

[Florence Fennel]

Very sound advice from Seahorse there Jax, see what you can find out, you need some help.

[Jax]

Thanks seahorse, he does get DLA but Im still not entitled Will speak to mind

[lizzylemon]

I have to say reach out for professional help along with Seahorse. It's terribly lonely being with someone who has a mental illness and I am speaking from experience too. I've had to walk away because it had started to make me ill so be very careful of your self.

I know you say you are his safe person but you need to be tough and take back 2 hours a week to your self - outside and away from the house. Baths, reading etc wont work because it's too easy for both of you to communicate and break the personal time / space boundry.

I recommend taking up yoga or going to a local Budhism class - cheesy I know but both will teach you relaxation techniques that become invaluable and can be any time any where without anyone else realising - diaphragm breathing for instance calms the mind, regulates breathing and draws oxygen into system.

Good luck and I hope you find peace soon.

XXX

[jackie j]

My sister struggled for four years trying to do the housework because she was told she couldnt get help to pay for someone to help. After a short stay in a hospice she found thanks to a lady who sorted it, that although her and her husband couldnt claim someone else could. I claimed the carer's allowance and did her housework for her. She should have been claiming this money all that time.
Have you got someone who would be willing to do that for you, at least that would be one thing less for you to do.

[Snadger]

My allotment is a great de-streser!

[Two_Sheds]

Thanks seahorse, he does get DLA but Im still not entitled Will speak to mind

Does this help? Carer's Allowance - eligibility : Directgov - Caring for someone

[Headfry]

I am so sorry I cant offer any advice, all I can send you big armfuls of hugs and much love.
thinking of you, and hope things soon get better for you.
HF
xx

[Jax]

Thankyou all, Im baking all day today which helps me. To be perfectly honest, I have been thinking alot about this last night. I am very much the sort of person that likes to be left alone to get on with stuff. Im not saying Im a loner as I love my freinds and family etc and love seeing them but I dont like other people "involved". Too many cooks and all of that. Hubby is the other way (or so he thinks) he likes as many people involved as possible. Trouble is the people he likes involved are ummmm (nice way of putting it) negative nellies and treat him badly. It wouldnt be so bad but they are constantly on the phone and here at least 4/5 days of every week. Even he enjoys it when we have a week to ourselves and he does so much better. he becomes a different and better person without these negative influences, yet he clings to them. I havent been away from the OH in 4 years so a while longer will make no difference however I do need some stuff to do that is "mine". I have decided that today when his freind comes round I am going to have a nice long bath. Try and escape for a while.

[Glutton4...]

Good for you! He must appreciate that there are times when you just need to be you, and not half of a couple. Enjoy your bath!

[Two_Sheds]

the people he likes [are] negative ...and treat him badly.

He must get something out of it though? In what way "badly"?

[di]

I don't know how to put this without sounding harsh...so sorry if it does come across that wayxxx

From your posts it's sounding to me that you're either beginning or already have a bit of a problem yourself with separation anxiety or going out but manage to hide it from yourself and others by hiding behind your OH?
Have you chatted to a doctor/counsellor about the way YOU are feeling?
As others have said...you're not going to be any help to OH if you yourself have a breakdown.

As for the friend...I think you should either do as others have suggested and take the opportunity to do something for you...away from home,but also suggest this friend pays less visits.
Sorry,I don't understand your OHs problem too well but I would guess that by having constant "safe" company surrounding him at home isn't going to help him get better.
I've suffered in the past with MH problems as has my Mum and sisters...I know it's not as simple as just pulling yourself together and that medical intervention is often needed...but I also believe without the will/need and determination to get better yourself it ain't going to happen...while he's got all he needs at home as far as friends and you...does he NEED to get better?

I really wish you both the best...I know how horrid it is when your mind decides to venture into dark spaces...but by always being there for him I think your making yourself ill and possibly even slowing his need for recovery too.{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Jax]

Thanks guys.

TS his freind bullies him. I have spoken to him about this but I cant fight all his battles for him. I will help him along the way, but ultimately he has to seal with it. Plus whwn its his freinds or family I tend not to get involved.

Andi and Di, I have been assessed aswell as OH to make sure of exactly what you say and they agree much as I may be abit "tender" I can go out and lead a normal (whatever that is lol) life. However she has asked that as I have competantly held things together for the last 4 years as I am that we progress as we all work together as a team to deal with his agoraphobia and then once we have somewhat dealt with that we deal with the seperation anxiety. Thanks for your input though, it didnt come across as harsh x