Is it just me...?

[Marthaclematis]

I fostered a little boy some years ago who's mum was vulnerable and inadequate and when people say to me 'she should never have been allowed to have kids' I am appalled !! If she had never had had him then I wouldn't have had the chance to nurture the most wonderfull little boy in the world. So from a very selfish point of view I know what its like, once a child is born then of course they are adored (hopefully, I know its not true for all). It doesn't mean I would have wanted my foster childs mum to have any more children though.

[janeyo]

Every baby is a little bundle of untapped potential and this in itself is a cause for celebration.

I love that Flum, well said

[Jax]

Beautifully put flum. As has already been said it is unfortunate the situation she has found herself in. In an ideal world she would have been married and hubby would have had a fabulous career and bags of money, own a house etc etc. Life isnt like that, what has happened has happened and everyone needs to find a way forward.

[rustylady]

I love that Flum, well said

Me too. All children should be a cause for celebration. Then it's up to the rest of us to do whatever we can to help them and their families to make the best of their lives.

[lettucegrow!]

I'm sure the Grandparents to be have gone through feeling of 'Oh no what have you done,you're too young' phase and are now basking in the lovely warm glow of iminent Grandparenthood! Just as we are now. My stepdaughter is 20 and although happily with the Dad, it was a bit of a shock to learn her news but now we are incredibly excited and can't wait. Any chance to 'baby shop' and I'm there with bells on and looking forward to being her birthing partner- she bought tears to my eyes.

[lizzylemon]

Coming from both situations (I was a married, stay at home mum but now a single parent receiving benefits until I can find work etc) all I want to say is that it is never a childs fault for the situations that they are born into and every baby should be greeted with love and happiness when they arrive.

Just because the girls current situation is being on benefits, doesn't mean to say it will stay that way for her. She may take time to find her feet, enjoy being a first time mum and then start to make a life off benefits as many single parents do.

Maybe if this was her second, third, forth, sixth child I would agree with you.

[Suky]

I can see both sides. i just hope they didn't find out like my cousin and his wife - via FB where she was bragging that at 14 she had planned it, and would get a flat and the whole shebang. He is a gorgeous baby and mum is back in education and no, she didn't get the flat
With a bit of luck your friends will encourage her to train so she can support them both in the future and at least the baby will be wanted and loved.

[jackie j]

I too would be dissapointed if my daughter has a baby while young but it happens, it happened to my grandmother who would be well over 100yrs by now, she never married and had at least 3 children that we know of and maybe more. When a baby arrives it brings so much joy that yes I would send my congratulations to the family. Every time my daughter comes home from school and say's so and so is pregnant I say silly girl, we then disscuus the reasons not to get pregnant and how much your life changes more so for the girl than the boy.
20 odd years ago I asked a neighbour what her daughter would do on leaving school, I was shocked at the answer, ' she will work with me ( tile factory ) after all girls dont need qualifications', needless to say at the age of 16 she had a baby, then another and another, by the age of 21, my neice is the same age and saw the world before she settled to have a baby in her 30's.
Having a baby at a young age isnt the end of the world, I am more afraid of my daughter getting into a friends car who then show's of by driving too fast and dangerous, that can end a life.

[Polly Fouracre]

I agree, Jackie, there are far worse things can happen to a girl, no matter what age, than an unplanned child.

[di]

Of course a new life should be celebrated...I don't know your friends so I may be guessing wrong,but they've probably gone through the shame/regret/anger emotions more times than you can imagine.
When would be a good time for them to welcome this(their Grandchild)baby into their lives...once their daughter is in her twenties and working?...ie when the baby's no longer a baby and they've missed out on the wonderful experience of watching their grandchild baby doing all those 'firsts'???

Of course we could argue whether or not it's ideal for such a young girl to be bringing a babe into the world...but she has...and with the right support there is absolutely no reason why it shouldn't all work out.

Nearly six years ago an underage member of the family shocked us all with the news that his also underage girlfriend was pregnant....it was a shock and their parents did struggle coming to terms with the news...but once the shock subsided they both got all the support needed and when the babe was born it was loved and welcomed by all...six years on he's a really well balanced little boy,the Dad has a good job and they bought their own house last year.
They're absolutely fantastic parents.
On a similar note...my cousin's chosen 'career' from when we were in Primary school was to get married and have children...stayed the same all through high school and I admit at the time I was one of the people that found it sad she had no ambition...but she did...it's just that hers wasn't to be some high flying business woman but to be a wife and mum...she married very young and now has three children and is blissfully happy.
We all have different dreams and although I find it sad that some girls do seem to miss out on fulfilling their original dream because they fell pregnant,but there's nothing saying we can't change our dreams.
Also,most colleges offer creche facilities which she would get funding for...so just because she has a baby it doesn't mean she can't still work towards what she originally wanted.

[Comfreyfan]

I'm sure the grandparents have had their hearts torn a little, but the worst thing they could do for their daughter would be to express negativity. Keep up the positivity, enjoy the little one and encourage mum to carry on and achieve whatever she wants to.

[Glutton4...]

Contraception is FREE! Advice is FREE! However, many many girls are pressured into early sex because they want to be the same as their friends. Peer pressure is, and probably always will be the same; very strong.

At least the Parents have stood by and helped their Daughter, when she needed their support. Unlike a friend of mine, whose heartless c*w of a Mother threw her out!

[denise]

With a bit of luck your friends will encourage her to train so she can support them both in the future and at least the baby will be wanted and loved.[/QUOTE]

Just what I was thinking, she will still be young when baby goes to school and then she can work out what's best for them both. Of course there are lots of on line courses too.

[lindyloo]

I think she is taking her resposibities seriously, unlike the partner, so she should have lots of love and support. Also- theres nothing wrong with being a hairdresser- it would pay reasonably well, and it is unfair to expect everyone to earn an executive salary or go in at management level. And also, I think that everyone is entitled to one mistake; it's the ones who go on to have several children, without a partner or job that are the problem, but even then, I find it very sad that in this day and age, some girls do think that baby + flat, + benefits is the best way to go. Surely that means that society is failing somewhere along the line, but I think that will continue to happen, until the minimum wage is brought in line with the cost of living and accomodation. I may be niave, but I do think the majority of those girls, for all of thier hard talk, were looking for love and security, but just chose the wrong way of going about it. . Unfortuneately, I dont think things are going to change in the near future- and the one thing that people who are otherwise seen as failures, or not in control of thier life, are very successful at is procreation; it doesn't cost them anything. So, I think that your friends are handling in in the best possible way- they are accepting thier daughter and grand-child with love and support, and hopefully her life will get back on track.

[Alison]

Everybody is an individual and should not be expected to live out the dreams of what their elders see as the correct route and the "living up to their potential" guff. My neice is a bright and beautiful young woman who desperately wanted to be a mum. She had no interest in going to university (the dept scared her and I understand why) and just wants to settle down and care (she's always been a very good carer). Her father said some horrible things about her wasting her life and fails to see what a wonderful mum she has become to her young son. Thankfully the rest of the family are supportive and her and her equally young boyfriend are doing very well with the support of others and he has really stepped up and has just been accepted on a day release training scheme. Without the baby he'd probably have been happy with what many people saw as a dead end job but this has given him the impetus to seek better prospects.

Back to the original post, the fact that her family are filled with joy may seem strange to some but their celebration should be celebrated as an act of pure love and not judged in a negative light before the poor girl even has a chance.