don't know what to do

[mrswadders]

Hi Grapes, can I ask for some advice, support whatever.
My eldest son (20) has had the most horrendous couple of months, about 4 weeks ago he was assaulted and had his nose broken and face all smashed up and last friday on his way home from work he was mugged and had his phone and wallet stolen. This morning at about 5am he came hammering on our door in floods of tears, this mugging has really got to him, i'm at a loss as to what to say to him or what to do to help. I really hate seeing him like this his normally such a happy lad and strong.

Sorry rambling a bit........

[shirlthegirl43]

That is dreadful! Does he have any idea who attacked him?

Our son was beaten up a month or so ago as well but not so badly injured. We went straight to the police as son knew who it was.

The police may know of a counselling service that could help your son. In the meantime, lots of hugs (if he will let you give them) might help.

[lainey lou]

Can the police offer some victim support?
Or his GP may be able to help.
So sorry this has happened to your son, how terrible for you all.
Sending you lots of love.

[Jeanied]

He needs to try victim support and his GP.
Snap LL.
I hope he finds some help - and how upsetting for you. This all will pass in time.

[zazen999]

My theory on this - is as follows...

If he feels weird and upset then let him - it would be wrong if he felt ok about it as it is a stressful event. So, tell him to let it out, talk about it, get upset and get all that anger out of his sytem so that he can move on...

It would be weird if he didn't feel weird - as that would be wrong.

It means he is normal and of sound mind if he feels so angry [who wouldn't be?]...so go with his feelings and help him to get it all out.

[FionaH]

My son was quite badly beaten on his 18th birthday and was angry and scared for some time. He now works out and is considerably stronger, therefore much more confident when he goes out.

As the others said let him get all his feelings out and try victim support

[binley100]

I think the others have already offered the same advice as I would.... apart from that just be there for him to listen and give comfort when needed. This has all been a traumatic experience for him and hopefully soon he'll come through it. <<<<hugs>>> x

[lainey lou]

My theory on this - is as follows...

If he feels weird and upset then let him - it would be wrong if he felt ok about it as it is a stressful event. So, tell him to let it out, talk about it, get upset and get all that anger out of his sytem so that he can move on...

It would be weird if he didn't feel weird - as that would be wrong.

It means he is normal and of sound mind if he feels so angry [who wouldn't be?]...so go with his feelings and help him to get it all out.

I agree, he needs to be able to express his feelings and work through it, you sound like very supportive parents. I would still consider some professional help though, it must be incredibly stressful for you all.

[piskieinboots]

How truly horrid for you both - go with the excellent advice above.

((hugs))

[mrswadders]

thankyou all so much, I will listen of course I will, trouble is his got my stubborn streak so won't get help no matter how much persuading. Thankyou so much I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest I guess, he made me come into work this morning, wouldn't let me stay home with him, maybe a good sleep might help him. Could do with a stiff drink and a good sleep myself! Can't wait til friday when we break up for christmas and I can spend a bit more quality time with both my boys..

Anyhow merry christmas and a happy new year to all..................

[T8Ter]

How awful, times like this the "bring back the birch" campaign springs to mind.
Everyone has given you sound advice the only thing I would add is to really help build his confidence back up, the intitial trauma will go, with your help, love and support but you'll have to help him become confident again in going out alone. That may be where professional help is required, or it may be from the help of yourselves and his friends but I suspect getting him over the "fear" of it happening again may be your biggest hurdle.

Please let him know people care and wish him well, the people who did this are scum, and always will be, they will never have what he's got, a loving, caring family and support network.

xx

[Brengirl]

Ditto to everything that has been suggested. The trauma he is suffering is twofold. He has had his body damaged and that will heal. The damage to his self esteem and confidence is the one that love and encouragement are needed. It will come.

[Polly Fouracre]

Doesn't this sort of thing happening to your child make you feel VIOLENT!!! If whoever did this could be stood in front of you wouldn't you like to punch their face??!!
It will pass though. Love to your son and to you.

[SueA]

It must be awful for you & your son, it must make him both angry & afraid but no doubt you being there for him will help him through. Hope you all have a happy & peaceful Christmas & that something gets done to catch those responsible.

[Two_Sheds]

about 4 weeks ago he was assaulted ... and last friday ...he was mugged

Twice in a month, no wonder he's upset.

He must be asking himself "why me?"

Do you live in a particularly rough area? Is he hanging out in rough pubs? Unfortunately there are people whose idea of a good night out is to get drunk and beat up passersby. We had it tried on us in Brighton a few years ago: a lad knocked into us on the pavement, deliberately to provoke a reaction and get into a fight. Although we said nothing and just kept walking, he was really trying it on with the "come on then"s and the "what you lookin at?"s

I don't go out at night any more