don't know what to do

[Seahorse]

I can't really add to the good advice above but would like to send some virtual (hugs). It must be a very difficult time for the whole family

[Bren In Pots]

Your poor Lad, no wonder he's feeling how he is and hopefully with help and support he'll be able to move on.

[Patchninja]

No more advice, but I'm so sorry. How ghastly for him and all the family. Very frustrating not knowing what to do for the best. Only time will teach him that the world is also filled with very nice people - he won't believe that for a while.

[FionaH]

thankyou all so much, I will listen of course I will, trouble is his got my stubborn streak so won't get help no matter how much persuading. Thankyou so much I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest I guess, he made me come into work this morning, wouldn't let me stay home with him, maybe a good sleep might help him. Could do with a stiff drink and a good sleep myself! Can't wait til friday when we break up for christmas and I can spend a bit more quality time with both my boys..

Anyhow merry christmas and a happy new year to all..................

My lad is stubborn too and wouldn't go for the counselling He is much better about things now, just takes time xx

[weekendwellies]

How awful. I would like to add my hugs to those you have already received. If he wont go to victim support, perhaps you could contact them yourself and ask their advise on how you can help him. It is normal for him to feel the way he is feeling, and in time he will learn to deal with the feelings, but he really should get some proper help to get through this difficult time.

[mrswadders]

thankyou,thankyou,thankyou - all of your hugs have been most appreciative. We found out last night that another chap was mugged a couple of streets away in very similar circumstances and the police are linking them.It didn't help that the incident was reported on the front page of the local rag - hopefully someone will be able to identify the cctv images of the 3 lads involved. We live in a smallish town which,yes has its fair share of crime but i've never known it like this. My son has always felt safe walking home at whatever hour, he was on his way home from work - 5 mins to where he lives, unfortunately he's a bar manager so often finishes work in the small hours. I'm sure he'll get over this in time. Once again thankyou all so much for listening.

[rustylady]

I used to work in a pub, and very often walked home in the early hours. However, given the way things are now, maybe a taxi home would be safer?

[susieq100]

Something very similar happened to my eldest son a couple of years ago - it was entirely motiveless (ie no attempt at theft ... they just wanted to give someone a good kicking). Is it too late for photographs of his injuries? My eldest had to have some dental work and a couple of days off work - you can't be with clients when you have black eyes, cuts and bruises? Anyway - police were supportive and my lad claimed from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Fund. He also then went to martial arts classes - it just boosted his confidence really - I don't think it has made him any better able to defend himself, but he felt less 'powerless' and is now out and about again. I do wish you both well.

[BrokenOphelia]

This could be so tough on your son as he could have post traumatic stress due to the first attack he suffered. If this is the case then the effects of the mugging will be worse even though they would be bad for anyone. I know this from experience myself.

The best thing to do is go to victim support. The police or the local CAB should be able to give you the phone number or their office so that he can go and talk to someone and maybe go for some councilling. It is always difficult when you find yourself a victim and being able to talk a neutral person about how it has affected you can sometimes really help and they can give him advice on how to protect and help himself in future too so that he can feel safe. He also needs just lots of moral support from you and for you to be there whether in a proactive way or not it will help knowing he has you there. Also make sure he fights the urge to hide away as often when you have been a victim in this way it is tempting to retreat away and hide all the time. Good luck and I hope he is feeling better soon.

[swansea girl]

I hope your son feels better soon,It is still early days and would imagine that in time when its not so raw he will feel alot better.

I do have some advice which may help everyone to possibly avoid attacks, My mother and brother were both karate and self defence instructors and always drummed "don't walk like a victim" in to me and their students,

# Take out your headphones because you need to be able to hear what is going on around you.

# Take your hands out of your pockets. Make sure that your hands are in a ready position (no, that mean walking around like you are about to slap someone). Have your hands at your sides and free to move around if need be, if you get grabbed then you need to be able to fight back.

# Look around you as you are walking. Staring at the ground or at your phone as you are walking just means that you are not aware of what, and who, is around.

# Stand up straight and walk with purpose. It is people who are slouching and strolling that are not paying attention to what is happening around them that attackers look for specifically. Look up, stand tall and walk like you know exactly where you are going — even if you don't!

# Look anyone who approaches you right in the eye. If someone passes you by make sure to look at them, this creates some kind of contact and let's the passerby know that you are focused and looking. It also means that if that passerby was thinking about attacking you they know you have a clear idea what they look like.

simple steps that will also give you confidence when out and about,it may be useful to your son if his confidence has taken a knock.Hope this helps

[Hilary B]

I hope your son feels better soon,It is still early days and would imagine that in time when its not so raw he will feel alot better.

I do have some advice which may help everyone to possibly avoid attacks, My mother and brother were both karate and self defence instructors and always drummed "don't walk like a victim" in to me and their students,

# Take out your headphones because you need to be able to hear what is going on around you.

# Take your hands out of your pockets. Make sure that your hands are in a ready position (no, that mean walking around like you are about to slap someone). Have your hands at your sides and free to move around if need be, if you get grabbed then you need to be able to fight back.

# Look around you as you are walking. Staring at the ground or at your phone as you are walking just means that you are not aware of what, and who, is around.

# Stand up straight and walk with purpose. It is people who are slouching and strolling that are not paying attention to what is happening around them that attackers look for specifically. Look up, stand tall and walk like you know exactly where you are going — even if you don't!

# Look anyone who approaches you right in the eye. If someone passes you by make sure to look at them, this creates some kind of contact and let's the passerby know that you are focused and looking. It also means that if that passerby was thinking about attacking you they know you have a clear idea what they look like.

simple steps that will also give you confidence when out and about,it may be useful to your son if his confidence has taken a knock.Hope this helps

It crossed my mind when reading the early comments that someone who has already been attacked may change their behaviour in small ways that do add up to 'walking like a victim', and after more than one attack, it would get progressively harder to break the cycle. That is where some form of martial-arts/self-defence lessons might really come into their own.

[SlugLobber]

Can't add to the advice, but can add more hugs for you and your son. Hope he feels more positive soon. xx

[jojo2910]

Have you considered the Samaritans? You can phone 08457 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org or possibly pop into your local branch. If you phone you will go through to your local branch, they will listen to either or your son and may have information on local support groups. You can remain completely anonymous and they are open 24-7. As a former Samaritan I can say they won't offer advice but will be there to listen to you.

[Jax]

All I can add really is some massive hugs. Men find it particularly hard with this stuff. I completely agree counselling would be great for him. Just let him know your there for him and that its ok to feel the way he does will help massively xx