So, when WOULD you ask to be moved?

[lizzylemon]

I'm really surprised by these threads about tolerance in public spaces. I know, and agree, that everyone is entitled to have a quiet peaceful meal where they're not gagged by someones perfume, or annoyed by someones child but still!!

As someone who has a 3 yr old, most of the time she's well behaved but not every time. Just like adults, all children get tired, hungry and bored (usually because serving takes too long) but the only way most children know how to show it is to play up.

Am I going to stay in until she's old enough to behave all the time in a restaurant - absolutely not. I've seen plenty of adults misbehaving in restaurants too

Am I also a bit gutted that the nice dinner I thought we would have hasn't gone to plan - absolutely. My money is just as hard earned and I like to enjoy food in a nice relaxed atmosphere too, along with my child.

Would I ask to move? No.
Have I ever asked to move? Not that I remember.
I've just got on and not worried about anyone else.

[Caro]

Lizzy, it's great to hear the other point of view!

I shall bear your points in mind next time I'm out and a child nearby is playing up, and I shall try to be more understanding and think about the fact that the parents may be miserable about it too.

Although, part of me still thinks it's YOUR child ruining your nice meal, what did I do to deserve it

[tiachica]

Hi All,

My boy is 2 and a half. He has a lot of energy to spend and cries when he is hungry or tired, because he doesn't know any better and is too young not to. We take some car toys with us when we go to a restaurant or one of us goes outside for a walk with him if he needs a wander. He's not naughty or trying to set anybody off, but if the food takes too long then it is possible he will voice his frustration in words, whining or as a last resort crying.
However, if we stop going to restaurants, how is he supposed to learn how to deal in that specific environment.

I have to admit though that I am very relieved to live in a society where most of the times children are allowed to be heard, and not just seen, as when I was born. It is in their instincts to want to communicate in one way or another, and if that is singing Bob the builder at the top of his voice, ignoring his parents pleas to quieten, then I shall not feel urged to leave the restaurant either.

After all I also don't see a reason to stop the the severely disabled young men next to us at the table, who squealed in delight every time he had a chip given to him.

I would feel such a failure if I always had to leave public places, if my boy happened to have a tantrum or a strop. I also think at some point the kids realize that if they start to cry in a restaurant, their parents get embarassed, and they might do it even more if the parents then give in and pay them attention. So in the long run, one crying child disturbing your meal for a certain limited amount of time might actually give you quieter meals in the longrun.

Please don't take it offensive what I have said. Just tried to bring in a couple more points that I have experienced, I did not mean to cause an argument.

[OverWyreGrower]

I have no problem with children being children generally - I don't mind playing, or singing, or general noise from them - they are kids, you can't expect them to behave like mini-adults.

What I have a problem with is parents letting their children run round MY table, swing off the chair I am sat on and cause a nuisance of themselves in the middle of the restaurant whilst screaming at the top of their lungs; whilst the parents sit and do absolutely nothing but eat their food and ignore their children.

[Glutton4...]

Valid points from both Lizzy and TC, but your children are both still very young. What I find unacceptable, is older children behaving like banshees, when they are old enough to know the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. My nephew could be taken anywhere, posh restaurants included from the age of about 4, without misbehaving. And, no, he was not a 'model' child - he was a little thug at home!

[Alison]

I have no problem with children being children generally - I don't mind playing, or singing, or general noise from them - they are kids, you can't expect them to behave like mini-adults.

What I have a problem with is parents letting their children run round MY table, swing off the chair I am sat on and cause a nuisance of themselves in the middle of the restaurant whilst screaming at the top of their lungs; whilst the parents sit and do absolutely nothing but eat their food and ignore their children.

Good points, I have had meals ruined by young kids playing tigg around my table at a time when to be honest they really needed to be in bed anyway which is to some extent an excuse for their behaviour but not whoever the "responsible" adult is that is meant to be caring for them. I do however find some adults to be equally annoying, was out a few weeks ago and the very loud and drunk woman who talked about ME ME ME all the time to have quite negative effect. I don't go out for meals very often and like to be able to relax in a certain amount of peace. Must be a nightmare for the waiting staff too. Funnily enough never think to ask to move though as it doesn't really seem fair that somebody else has to put up with it either. One point though which I think is relevant is that quite a lot of restaurants these days seem to cram in a few extra tables which means that any perceived antisocial behaviour is just that much closer.

[Two_Sheds]

So well done T-S on your lovely polite brood!

They are an assortment of nieces, nephews and stepdaughter. They certainly aren't expected to be seen and not heard, not at all. They are all encouraged to have fun, be kids, but to be aware of other people, ie not to act selfishly.
If they behave, they get treats. If they are naughty = no treats.
Threats, shouting or smacking aren't necessary. The method that's most effective for me, at home and at school, is to count aloud "ONE - TWO ...." I rarely get to THREE. Goodness knows what I'd do if I ever got to three Goodness knows what the children think will happen if I get to three, it must be terrible

I've just got on and not worried about anyone else.

Sometimes you have to. I had two very naughty nephews a week ago, and I was getting furious looks off other grown ups who had no idea why they were crying (having got a severe telling off for climbing on the 11 foot high concrete wall alongside the main road)

next time I'm out and a child nearby is playing up, and I shall try to be more understanding

I'm very understanding, I don't complain or shoot dirty looks. Sometimes though, the parent isn't even trying to control the child. It's obvious from the behaviour of my class that they aren't used to being told what to do, how to behave, how to share, how to be quiet ...

singing Bob the builder at the top of his voice

Happy, joyful singing - no problem.
We're mostly complaining about shouting, swearing and running around.

[Patchninja]

For me, it hangs on the behaviour of the parents. A 3 year old is going to be balshy from time to time but if the parents are doing not a lot to sort out said child, then I get antsy. I have to say that it's an english thing. You can go out here and grown ups and children seem to manage to behave / wait to be served without throwing a wobbly.

[MrsC]

They are children and at the end of the day everyone has different levels of tolerance of what is 'acceptable' that's my say on it

[Hilary B]

I'm not sure that parents who are being ineffectual are much better than ones who make no attempt to manage their children.
Children don't need to go to a restaurant to learn how to behave there, they need to have learned 'table rules' at home!
There are child oriented eating places. I wouldn't take a child to any OTHER sort until they had learned a few basics, and if my child was getting difficult (to the extent of being a problem for other people eating there), for whatever reason, then dealing with the situation would be my priority, if that meant missing my meal, too bad, it would have to be done The likeliest reason would be tiredness (it's not that difficult to prevent the child getting bored) and a tired child needs to sleep!
That said, there are adults just as tiresome.