Ex husband issues again - moral support needed please

[Bren In Pots]

Can't give any advice but wanted to say it sounds like you've bought up two well adjusted girls who after hearing their dad spout off had to courage to tell him a few home truths.

[taff]

If I had a friend like that I wouldnt put up with it, just because it's a family member makes no odds. Three of my relatives are like that, I don't speak to them, or miss them, or think about them much at all. It's their loss, not mine.
He's supposed to be the adult. When he feels like acting like one, your daughters may or may not want to spend time with him again, it's up to them.

[Florence Fennel]

Sounds like it was going to happen sooner or later and now it has, he'd better come to his senses sharpish, or lose his girls. Love and support to you.

[selfraising]

Wow thankyou everyone for all your help and support. He has spoken to my sister whilst over in Germany and she told him that he needs to resolve the situation or risk losing his daughters, he said 'it will soon blow over'. I honestly think he believes they have made a mountain out of a mole hill (sighs). I have said to them today that the way I see it they have 3 choices, a) they cut their ties completely, b) they get back in touch, let bygones be bygones but that they must then accept that all may be okay for a while but that the same situation will continue to come up again and again or c) they do not contact him for a while but when they do eventually speak to him, tell him that any future relationship will be on their terms/under certain conditions.

You have all made me feel so much better, thankyou.

[Glutton4...]

Glad you're feeling better about it - a problem shared an' all that!

[buzzingtalk]

wow, what a nightmare.

I had a difficult choice to make when I was young like your daughters - i was bought up by my mum who was nothing but brilliant but often clashed with my aggressive, occasionally violent and short tempered dad. i had to fight and fight to be heard, and i only think my relationship with my dad was saved when he moved to another continent. he learnt a lot about himself as did I, and we have since become very close. He argued a lot with my mum and there were threats of court cases and rumors being spread left right and centre...

I fought it myself but I wish my mum had sat down and spoken through what was going on, i know i dealt with it properly but it was too late for my brother - my dad disowned him and they still don't talk 11 years after my dad left the country. he talks about him as if he is a distant person, not his son.

Your daughters sound like they can make their own choices now - believe me, sitting them down and telling them everything will not be negative, it will only help to reinforce what they felt the other night when confronted with their father. It is a horrible thing to go through and I completely sympathize with all of you having been at the end of such a problem, but good things can come from it and i only hope your ex husband learns a few home truths now his brave daughters are standing up for themselves.

Well done to all of you, blessings

[jackie j]

Sounds like you are doing all you can for your girls, be there for them when they need you, listen to them when they need to talk. Hard as it is they must come to their own conclusions about their dad, which it sounds like they are begining to. Sometime's we try to protect our children from what is really happening when parents split up, actually they need to see for themselves what someone is like, hear what they say about the other parent, they live or have lived with you, they know more what you are like than thier dad. They will have a relationship with him but it must be when they want it not when HE wants it. If he doesnt want it that way then he is the looser not you and certainatly not the girls.
Well done them for standing up to him love and hugs to you three.

[Two_Sheds]

he said 'it will soon blow over'.

So he doesn't think he's done anything wrong, and he doesn't recognise the harm he's caused? Sounds familiar

[Patchninja]

They sound like a credit to you.
They are adults and can cope without him, as painful as that may sound. Thank goodness that all this blew up while they were still in England and could leave and get back to you. What a stinker!

[Rabidbun]

Sorry to hear of the all pain and anguish caused, but well done to your daughters for refusing to be intimidated and stating their own cases, you've done them proud imo.

[Suky]

Glad his sister has tried to talk sense to him. Your girls are sensible and pretty well balanced from the times I have met them, with your support they will make the right decision for them. More hugs honey, and don't forget the treacle! (private joke).
Hope to see you tomorrow, I'll bring the tissues!

[selfraising]

You hit the nail on the head TS. The only concession he gave was that perhaps he had picked the wrong time. We certainly don't expect and apology as he doesn't do saying sorry, as he believes he is always right.

[Two_Sheds]

he doesn't do saying sorry, as he believes he is always right.

(TS chuckles to herself in an ironic fashion, having known several men in her lifetime ...and having found them to be all basically from the same mould)

[Florian]

Much love to you all - you are clearly doing an awesome job with the girls and I wish you all the very best for the future

[miffy]

Having been through a similar experience some ten years ago with my ex I can totally understand how you feel. Being a parent is not a god given right and certainly does not mean you have the right to dictate to your children, your role should be that of teacher, guardian and protector, something their dad has forgotten. My son and his dad no longer see each other but that was my son's choice after years of being let down, treated as a pawn in his sick games to get at me and being used as a bargaining chip in the divorce by my ex!! Although it is sad when children loose touch with their dads it is not the end of the world when the dad in question is a waste of space!! They still have you and each other and to be honest if they did stop seeing him for a while it might make him think twice about his behaviour. I know you rely on him financially but he is using this against you all and I think if you can be civil but distance yourselves. I know this will really have hurt you all and it is really bad behaviour on his part but he will not see he is in the wrong at all he feels he has the right to treat them like that because he is their dad!! That is exactly how my ex behaved to my son. It hurts and nothing I can say will change that. You have the best part of that relationship your fantastic daughters he is totally the looser in more ways than one. Take care. x