A question for the Vine's grandparents

[jackie j]

I have my grandson one day a week after school and would dearly love to have him more often, but she would rather pay for childcare in the holidays then let me have him.
When he was born I offered to have him whenever they needed me to as long as it didnt interfere with me working, so I had him all day friday and took him to mum's and toddlers where everyone thought he was mine. I also looked after him as and when was needed sometimes overnight. I am lucky that he only lives a couple of miles away.
My own mum helped when she could but as she was in her 40's when she had me I felt it would be too much for her to look after my kids. I also didnt have my kids for someone else to bring up and I have always fitted work around them, working evenings and nights when their dad was home.
When were you hoping to go away, ( serious offer here ) Send them down to me, or I could come to you. I have always wanted to look after kids lol.

[arpoet]

I often have Josh down at the weekends and school hols. He is 8 and is expert down the lottie knocking seven bells out of dandilions and crushing snails and slugs and moving water from one butt to another. He loves picking and help me cook veg and always leaves a clean plate at meal times here.
Its how started with my grandad, donkeys years ago.
Jack is 2 and autistic, and quite a handfull, but we still have him and his sister, 1 yesterday, for a few hours each week to give mum and dad a break.
I love having the time for grandkids as i missed out so much by working all hours god sent when my own kids were little.
Roger

[rustylady]

I had very little help with my children from my parents. I try to do as much to help my kids with theirs as possible. I often have the little ones to stay overnight, and they enjoy staying with me. I do try to limit the overnighters to one or two children, but recently I had all four of my middle daughter's children for a weekend. I was absolutely creamcrackered afterwards.

[Seahorse]

Bless you Jackie! We wouldn't presume but it's lovely to have the offer

I suppose what I don't understand is why someone wouldn't WANT to spend time with their grandkids. Although I would love a holiday as a couple, my life is entirely child centred and I can't imagine not wanting to spend as much time as I can with any grandchildren I am lucky enough to have, even if it is hard work (as it surely will be!).

Ah well, I've put my big girl pants on and dealt with it now. People are who and what they are and it's no good hoping they'll change!

Thanks for all the responses

[smallblueplanet]

...I suppose what I don't understand is why someone wouldn't WANT to spend time with their grandkids...

No disrespect meant (as common parlance goes) but not every one likes kids. Or if they don't mind them it doesn't mean they want them full-time. Just because your folks have grandkids it doesn't mean they have to want to be with them loads.

I mean, y'know kids are alright, but I couldn't eat a whole one!

[bobleponge]

I suppose what I don't understand is why someone wouldn't WANT to spend time with their grandkids.

Absolutely agree with that.

Living abroad I dont get to see my grandkids anywhere near as I would like, but when I'm over in England I do everything in my powers to get the parents to go out and leave me with the kids. I'm currently in negotiations with my daughter to get my 2 eldest grandkids over on their own for a week or so in the summer. Cant wait.

[Glutton4...]

I was thinking about this in the bath - as ya do - and it occurred to me that for previous generations contraception wasn't as widely available, or so openly talked about. So, I guess, that many people had children that they didn't really actually want. Therefore, having brought up their own kids, and having had them fly the nest, many older people possibly feel they've done their bit, and simply don't want to look after kids again.

That's just some rambling witterings from me!

[Potstubsdustbins]

The wife and I were very lucky when our son was young.

My parents only lived down the road and asked to baby sit for us. The son loved it granny cooked him the things we thought unhealthy and grandad had a workshop they would both retire to to play big boys games.

The wifes parents lived fifty miles away not so easy to get to in those days but when we did go we were always made more than welcome.

My own grand daughter visits at least once a week and I look forward to her arrival she adds a sparkle to my life. We sit and talk, do puzzles and of course walk round the garden with her asking the questions and me trying to answer.

However if I were on my own I think I life might become a little more difficult in this day and age after all she is a grand `daughter`.

Colin

[roitelet]

It's a long time ago but I looked after my grand daughter for one day a week until she went to school, so he single Mum could work. She stayed overnight and all I asked was that her Mum was up when I returned her the following morning.

As a parent I felt that I had done my bit and when my children were little my parents lived too far away to help. Now I am about to become a Great Grandmother I am also too far away to help. My feeling is that children are their parents responsiblilty and Grandparents are not unpaid baby sitters.although it is nice to see them from time to time.

[zazen999]

I'm not a grandparent, but a step parent and an auntie....and whereas I have my SD every other weekend [although she just stays in her room and won't be wedged out as everything is boring] I would have my nieces and am arranging for the oldest to come over for a few days on her own in the summer now she's 8.

But - when the nieces and her 'rents come over for a few days I am utterly exhausted at the end - and that's with them and with Mr Z doing a heck of a lot of the looking after.

My mum does look after them several times a week, and is always exhausted...the 4 [and a half] year old is a bit of a handful even when asleep.

I probably would volunteer to have them both for a week; and will when they are both older to give their mum and dad a break - but other people's kids are very hard work even if you love them to bits.

[janeyo]

I am blessed with my mum and dad. They have my youngest on the 2 afternoons I am at work. They also baby sit at mine or at theirs whenever (in fact I have never had another babysitter). They have had both boys to sleep for the weekend so we have gone on grown-up trips abroad. She also has them at the drop of a hat if we have any appointments etc, but I do give her mnuch notice as I can. She also comes clothes shoping with me to keep the littlest one entertained when I am shopping for the boys as I come home with nothing if it's just me and them - and she normally pays for lunch!
She also looks after my brother's chyildren one day a week.
I am hoping she will have them for a night or 2 later in the year so me and the new Mr janeyo can go on a honeymoon break.
she started having the eldest from about 6 months for a night every few months, and then we did the same with the youngest. She even had the eldest when I was in hospital for days having the yougnest one

I am often giving her things as a thankyou, but she says she does it because she loves having them and it's never a chore - she says they keep her young!

Not sure if she'd be so willing to have them if we had another though! lol

And yes I DO know how lucky I am!

[jackie j]

I feel its my right as a grandparent to look after any grandchildren, at the moment I only have one ( aged nearly 10 ). Cant wait to have more and hope to be able to look after them as and when needed. The only thing I have ever asked of the parents is to consider my work routine as well. I feel put out when not asked to babysit.

[di]

Sadly I think some Grandparents view is that they've done their bit,their own kiddies are grown up and supposedly don't need them anymore and Grandkiddies are an 'enjoy them for half a day and hand back when you've had enough' commodity.I'm so blessed to have parents that still see me(just 40 ) and my two elder sisters as their children that they'd do anything for and go out of their way to spend time with their seven Grand children.(sadly my two aren't up for over night stays...if they were I'm sure there'd be many)
I used to spend so much time worrying about how little another set of Grandparents saw them...maybe once a year...I so want to be able to accept that it's their loss but it's actually also D&A's loss.

I understand(mildly) some of the comments above...yes kiddies can be hard work and maybe the idea of a whole week is daunting...but hey,with a whole years warning there's plenty of time to ease yourself into it and prepare for the occasion...there's a lot of stuff that could be arranged to make sure the week actually didn't seem long enough.

[bramble]

I collect my 7 year old granddaughter from school every Monday so my daughter can work. I feed her and do her homework with her. We then spend the rest of the evcening doing whatever keeps her amused.
I collect my other granddaughter and grandson from school every second Tuesday and do the same thing for them. On every second Friday I make sure to have the three of them together so they are growing up knowing each other and being close.
If my daughter wants a holiday with her husband or my son wants to go away for a break with his wife I will have the kids to stay over so long as I am not going away myself.
My hubby and I love having them and when they are off school for the summer holidays we take them out for as many days as we can.

[daisygrubber]

That's a fair point singleseeder, 'expect' was a poor choice of word.

There are certainly some lovely grandparents above, would any of you like to adpot me, lol!?

The reason I asked is that I'm very disappointed that a request a year in advance to a healthy, wealthy, recently retired grandparent for a weeks babysitting so that PW and I could have a holiday as a couple, not just as parents, has been met with a flat refusal because it's far too long and anyway, he might be busy! It was certainly a big ask but we made it clear we'd be very grateful, offered to bring cases of wine home, said we would make sure it was in term time so the actual childcare would only be an hour in the morning and about four hours at night, etc. To have it dismissed out of hand was rather hurtful

Thats such a shame when grandparents see it as a chore.

My mum last had my kids 14 years ago and said she would never have them again. They used to love wrestling and liked to practice my mum didn't like it.

My dad says its his perogative not to have a relationship with his grandchildren

My hubbies parents were fantastic and had them while I worked in the afternoon after my MIL got in from work at unch.

Nowadays we dont need babysitters, but my mum and dad have absolutely no interest in my kids or their own; me and my brother and as such I no longer have a relationship with my parents.

My parents have a lovely villa in Spain and could really have some great visits with their grandchildren. The Last visit I made to them last year; with my youngest son (15) they ended up kicking us out and left us in the middle of nowhere to find our own way to the city.

Don't need grandparents like that