Why Me?

[Arthur Pounder]

All was right with the World.

The Sun was baking, everywhere was weeded and watered - I walked around the garden internally nodding at my heaving display of flowery goodness, when something hit my greenhouse.

I thought at first it was a football due to the loud bang, but lack of children and the silence around pointed elsewhere. As I peered inside, there sat a behemoth of a fully-grown male Wood Pigeon, eyeing me sideways as he sat on the edge of a bucket of Gardeners Delight.

Now I know that it would be the normal thing for a man to walk in and shoo the interloper out, close the door and carry on as normal, but I found myself doing a half walk/run thing away from the greenhouse uttering ohmygod ohmygod under my breath.

As I stood rooted in fear and ignorance, I jumped as there was another almighty crash as the dense creature smashed into a pane in an attempt to leave the baking death chamber.

I did the strange walk/run thing back to the greenhouse and peered in, at which point the pigeon gave up on escape and decided it was in everyone's best interests if he just had a fit and flapped and smashed his way around every tomato and cucumber in the greenhouse in an explosion of feathers, excrement and plant shrapnel.

I am sad to say that even after that, I didn't man up, and instead went to pick the wife up and feign utter surprise at the newly-discovered devastation (and lack of pigeon) on our return.

[Sylvan]

Let's hope she doesn't read this.

[Two_Sheds]

That was so funny Arthur ~ nearly as funny as the time a cat got trapped in mother's gh, and it pinballed off all the panes in its panic to get out

[rustylady]

Oh Arthur that did make me laugh. Not just what happened but the way you've written it.

[Florence Fennel]

Enjoyed that Arthur! Do you think you'll eventually tell her?

[chris]

lol! Just spat water all over my desk reading the "ohmygod" bits

[Polly Fouracre]

Arthur, yuou sound just like my O.H. Did you think the pigeon would ATTACK you? Or were you worried there might br INJURIES or (God forbid) BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

[Arthur Pounder]

That was so funny Arthur ~ nearly as funny as the time a cat got trapped in mother's gh, and it pinballed off all the panes in its panic to get out

A cat I would probably find funny, especially 'pinballing'.

Enjoyed that Arthur! Do you think you'll eventually tell her?

Absolutely not.

Arthur, yuou sound just like my O.H. Did you think the pigeon would ATTACK you? Or were you worried there might br INJURIES or (God forbid) BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Not sure what it is about the size of a pigeon, too big to be cute and manageable and too small to take on in unarmed combat. I think it's the element of unpredictability and surprise. A little like when you're peering into your monitor in the dead of night in the dark and a moth smashes into your face.

[ginger ninger]

Brilliant...I can just imagine you running round the garden. Thanks for sharing and giving us a good giggle. Just think your self lucky it wasn't as big as this one ...I dread to think how big the poop would be .

[chris]

Fill a dalek in a day

Where can I get one?!

I could get a lift into work with that too - kinda like the never ending story with that flying dog thing

[Kiwi_Soph]

really funny but my heart is racing a wee bit - I am kind of phobic about birds inside, ESPECIALLY ones that flap about in panic.

I commend you on restraining yourself to a walk-run - all you would see of me in that situation would be a cartoon-style cloud of dust and maybe a spinning watering can on the spot where I was!

how is your crop after all that?

[Glutton4...]

PMSL - That was funny! My OH doesn't like birds either - I've seen terror in his eyes when the Swallows start dive-bombing!

[shobhna]

Arthur, that was brilliant. I had to stop myself from laughing since I'm reading this at work.
I've always thought that best policy is to ignore those things that you cannot handle. It usually rights itself by itself. :-) If not, you can feign total ignorance and it sorts itself out even then.

I don't mind birds but I don't know how I'd handle a sky-rat type of thingy in my greenhouse either except to pretend that I'd not seen it.

I do remember a time when I stubbed my toes on a very large hedgehog when I stepped out into my garden in the night, went runningf back in the house to have a go at the then OH, blaming him of having left the broom on the patio and for not having put stuff away etc....etc..... only to switch on the outside light to see this huge creature trying to squeeze itself underneath the shed. I don't know who was more surprised (read 'scared')...me or the hedgy !!
The then OH never got a word out anyway. :-)

[Arthur Pounder]

how is your crop after all that?

I lost about 3 Sungolds, but I had some replacements, the rest of the damage was confined to just branches rather than main stems.

I do remember a time when I stubbed my toes on a very large hedgehog when I stepped out into my garden in the night..

Contact with an unseen animal in the dark, total panic. I fully understand.

I went night fishing many years ago and it came as a great surprise to find that when cows cough in the dead of night, they sound eerily like an old man. Then when one came and started licking the dew off my umbrella, I thought my number was up.

[Rocketron]

The incongruity between your post and your signature is, quite frankly, hilarious.