Mother in laws?

[VirginVegGrower]

There are a lot of extremely kind and tolerant viewpoints here. I think you're right though Jane - if this isn't a sudden thing brought on by age or infirmity, then why should you put up with it? Even when I'm a mad old bat I will consider it *my* responsibility to get on with any children in law I may be lucky enough to have, I certainly wouldn't expect them to put up with me being offensive!!!

Ahhh! I hope you get some!

I always say to Mr VVG, shoot me If I end up a moaning old hag. He hasn't shot me yet, however I haven't made old quite yet...

[Mikey]

Ahhh! I hope you get some!

I always say to Mr VVG, shoot me If I end up a moaning old hag. He hasn't shot me yet, however I haven't made old quite yet...

Is he saving for his license yet VVG?, keep the bank balance low, very low.

[Mikey]

There are a lot of extremely kind and tolerant viewpoints here. I think you're right though Jane - if this isn't a sudden thing brought on by age or infirmity, then why should you put up with it? Even when I'm a mad old bat I will consider it *my* responsibility to get on with any children in law I may be lucky enough to have, I certainly wouldn't expect them to put up with me being offensive!!!

I've had plenty of opportunity to say enough is enough with my FIL, as he frequently comes out with offensive comments. He already has a daughter in law which will not allow him to cross the threshold because of his ways. I've refused to talk or visit him on a number of occasions, but after a while its you that appears to be unforgiving. My FIL will never apologise if he's in the wrong, he prefers to let the dust settle then ignore his wrong doings.

Life is too short I have found to hold grudges, and in all of it you have to consider how it makes your OH and children feel being stuck in the middle. It takes a stronger person to turn the other cheek, and besides you can't make sarcastic comments if you are not talking.

[VirginVegGrower]

Is he saving for his license yet VVG?, keep the bank balance low, very low.

He might be MW - now there's a thought
BTW I already like to keep his bank balance low
Just kidding dear...time for your bedbath! I care in the community with Mr VVG

[VirginVegGrower]

I've had plenty of opportunity to say enough is enough with my FIL, as he frequently comes out with offensive comments. He already has a daughter in law which will not allow him to cross the threshold because of his ways. I've refused to talk or visit him on a number of occasions, but after a while its you that appears to be unforgiving. My FIL will never apologise if he's in the wrong, he prefers to let the dust settle then ignore his wrong doings. V

Life is too short I have found to hold grudges, and in all of it you have to consider how it makes your OH and children feel being stuck in the middle. It takes a stronger person to turn the other cheek, and besides you can't make sarcastic comments if you are not talking.

It's called being the bigger person - well done you MW! You're bang on there.

[Seahorse]

Yes, life is too short to hold grudges and no good ever comes from being bitter or resentful. But - would you (one) put up with abuse from your partner/child/neighbour/colleague? I don't think most of us would, so why excuse someone because they happen to be related to your spouse?

[Glutton4...]

((Hugs)) Jane, you have my sympathy. My MiL died before I met my Husband, but His Dad and Stepmother are lovely, and we all get on famously. My parents, on the other hand...

We all have our cross to bear.

[Potstubsdustbins]

My MiL & FiL (sadly both now dead) were great once they had realised I really was going to look after their little girl, I was a bit of a lad in my youth and they didn't think I could settle down.

My mum & dad both got on very well with SWMBO probably out of pity for her, well she does have to put up with me.

As to what has happened to you Janey if my mother or anyone else ever spoke like that to my SWMBO she wouldn't have to make her mind up I would step in and put a stop to it and demand an apology. No say sorry no further help end of SWMBO means more to me than anyone else.

Colin

[OverWyreGrower]

I think I am lucky.... my MIL is a cow to me, but it's OK, cos she's also a cow to her son as well, so I don't feel 'got at'.....

[Piggle]

My in laws are nice but I do find them a bit claustraphobic. This is going to sound awful but they phone here 3 or 4 times a week and are always wanting to know in detail what I've been doing... how , why etc. Enough with the questions! I suppose I'm just not used to it as my parents are really chilled and just go with the flow.
They also go on about how old they are which I also find bizarre as my parents have about 15 years on both of them but you wouldn't think... old before their time.

[Fruit&2veg]

It must be awfull for you. I have been extremely fortunate in that both my mother in laws from my two marriages were lovely warm hearted and supportive people who I was pleased to regard as dear friends and with whom I had great relationships . Sadly both are now deceased, but I still have very fond memories of both of them, and miss them greatly.

[cptncrackoff]

I dont have a similar problem, we dont speak to her mum or dad, or my mum and dad, we're going through life trying to be the exact opposite of our parents. I suppose its easier to see the mistakes now.

....Cheaper at Xmas though!!

[snohare]

Suddenly growing old alone with a loving labrador doesn't seem so bad...if she misbehaves I take away her chocolate buttons !

People don't change their behaviour unless something pushes them to, if they are determined that you are in the wrong they will ignore any pushing you are doing. Nothing you do will be right in their eyes. The only alternatives then are to get someone else they do care about to push (ie OH) or just walk away.
If you are acting as a carer and the situation is likely to deteriorate in the future due to illness, a bad attitude now will become much worse. Perhaps it is time to call in social services to see about help with housework etc.
You can reason with an opinion, you cannot reason with an attitude.

[Shadylane]

If you're absolutely sure there's nothing wrong with her mind then I think your hubby needs to step in. Can't you ask him gently to have a gentle word with his mum and remind her of all the help you've given her and let her know how much it upsets him when she's vile to you.

You say you've been trying to introduce changes. Could it be this that's got her back up? Maybe she doesn't know how to communicate with you. Personally though, I wouldn't put up with it. I've never understood why it's socially acceptable for family to treat you like garbage. It's not cute, funny or acceptable just because they're your in-laws. Mine are fab, always been welcoming and supportive and will do anything for you, even when you don't want them to. They can be a little annoying at times, but no more than Himself I suppose and I live with him.

[jackie j]

My ex MIL was brilliant, lovely..... that is until the day I decided to divorce her precious son, then she turned, boy did she turn, she blamed me for everything, she phoned my sister up and told her that her son was brought up in a christian home with two loving parents, excuse me.... I was brought up in a very loving home by a very loving mum, not her fault that my dad died far too young leaving her to bring us up alone. She passed me and her grandsons by in the street without so much as a word, such was her christian attitude.
My currant MIL is ok, has done loads for us but there isnt the same relationship, maybe because I was older when we married, already had four sons, then we had a daughter. We are not on the phone constantly, dont meet up for coffee or shopping.

Hang in there janeyo, I think she is getting afraid of being alone, I know my MIL gets cross with FIL because he keeps forgetting things, maybe its the same with her. Speak to your OH and ask him to support you and tell him to tell her you did not do anything wrong, dont go and visit for a couple of weeks and ask him to do it instead.