Mother in laws?

[veggiechicken]

Now't wrong with my movements. Not since I discovered dried Apricots!

Dried apricots instead of corks?

[Glutton4...]

Dried apricots instead of corks?

No, ya daft Bat Instead of Prunes. I hate Prunes!

[veggiechicken]

Well if you hate prunes, why don't you use those instead of corks 'cos apricots are nice to eat?

[baldrick]

my ex mil was an evil cow. after one especially horrendous incident when HER son left the doors open and let her "very expensive"(her words) dog knock me over on the drive and run onto the road where he refused to come back because in spite of having a million psychology degrees ("I understand how people work and the science of learning") she was incapable of training a simple recall. She screamed at me that it was all my fault as I should have known the dog was ,mad on hairbrushes and I had one in my hand! she was utterly utterly vile in spite of knowing Im paranoid about doors and pets and kids. She used to pride herself on being a bit free love and using the "eff word" so I told her if I ever came to her house again Id come through the effing window to save letting her ill mannered dog out. glad to see the back of her i tell ya!

[Snadger]

*Thinks?*.............I'll just take the fifth on this one...............

[SlugLobber]

My in laws are nice but I do find them a bit claustraphobic. This is going to sound awful but they phone here 3 or 4 times a week and are always wanting to know in detail what I've been doing... how , why etc. Enough with the questions! I suppose I'm just not used to it as my parents are really chilled and just go with the flow.
They also go on about how old they are which I also find bizarre as my parents have about 15 years on both of them but you wouldn't think... old before their time.

I can relate to this. My in-laws live next door. OH's grandfather built both houses, so moving is out of the question. FIL is fine, but MIL is controlling in a very sneaky way. Everyone think she's utterly lovely and she is, but it crosses the line to interference far too often. A couple of examples:

-her 95 yr old friend's family have slammed the phone down on her, as she's phoned them so much with 'input' and other things. I found that shocking, but see how they would be ddriven to it.
-when I broke my arm, she was in here 3-4 times a day, just standing there with hands clasped, desperate to 'serve'. She could see I was doing fine and I do live with a grown man, but it got so bad I took to locking the door. She taps and walks straight in and has caught me in bed (I hadn't slept the night before), in the bath, in the shower...you get the idea.

She is also old before her time, partly as she doesn't go out anymore, so I'm bearing the brunt of her need of things to do. I had to offload to a friend recently, and I think she considers me awful for my thoughts, yet one of MIL's own friends WARNED me before I moved in, that I would have to be very strong minded as her friend was very controlling and would ffindd it difficult to let go of her son. She plays on the feeble little lady thing so much he goes round there at least twice a day and she still does his book-keeping, despite 'losing' over £2000 worth of accounts recently!!

[janeyo]

Thanks for all the thoughts, it is interesting to see how it is such an age-old problem!

The upshot is that OH and me have had a loooong chat about her, he says he only visits rings her out of duty, she drags him down and makes him feel miserable. He had thought before this that she was a basically nice but a bit batty and misguided, but after seeing the hatred and rage directed at me for himself on her face he is now having a think as to whether he actually wants to keep her in his life at all.

It's his decision, but I shan't lose anymore sleep over her.

[Jelliebabe]

Well at least you're both on the same page Jane. Thats the most important thing. My parents in Law, well they're just not bothered. I only go when invited and have only been invited once this year! not even seeing them this year before Xmas. Mr B sees them every other weekend or so in footie season and is going this Saturday (tomorrow). I've advised that I will give their Xmas pressies to them personally...... we will see how long I have them!

It does bother me but more for my husband! They have only visited us at this house twice! Once for an hour on their way somewhere else! Never mind better this nothingness than some of the above examples!

[kirsty b]

Interesting views on here. Have been on both sides of the fence of in-law politics
I never thought my MIL thought I wsa good enough for her boy because I didn't wait on him hand and foot (she looked after her family very well, and his previous partner had been a stay at home mum - I worked full time). I have the view that we both work, house jobs should be shared, why should I come home after 8 hour day to start again while he sits on couch watching TV??
Big blow up after 4 years together, we were at their place in Spain, I was feeling unwell had gone upstairs for a rest. When I came down she laid into me calling me a lazy bitch who had no pride in her home and she expected that a woman would care whether or not her house was a mess etc etc. Was pretty gobsmacked and to make it worse my OH sat there and let her. Think a lot of it was OH and the kids expected her to be running around after them and I take the view if they want a drink/snack they can get off their asses and get it themselves. Maybe MIL thought I should have been spending my holiday serving OH and the kids? Who knows. Told OH that evening to get me a ticket I was going home and he said sleep on it.
Next morning she was talking to me, but it was a bit stiff (think FIL - who was great, really miss him since he died - must have said something to her) but later on that day at a market we were visiting she took my arm and we strolled off looking at stuff, not especially pally but it was easier, least said soonest mended. Needless to say I had a few words for the OH over his lack of sticking up for me... Since my FIL died and she came back to the UK we have had a much better relationship, we'll chat on phone, go shopping now and again, she also looks after Pickle in the school hols sometimes when I am on placement and stuck for sitters. I think she sees now that OH is a bit of a lazy git because she complimented me once and said I was a hard worker!

Good that you and OH are a team on this one Jane x sorry for long post

[baldrick]

Thanks for all the thoughts, it is interesting to see how it is such an age-old problem!

The upshot is that OH and me have had a loooong chat about her, he says he only visits rings her out of duty, she drags him down and makes him feel miserable. He had thought before this that she was a basically nice but a bit batty and misguided, but after seeing the hatred and rage directed at me for himself on her face he is now having a think as to whether he actually wants to keep her in his life at all.

It's his decision, but I shan't lose anymore sleep over her.

Tbh that is what kicked me into making a major effort and turning the other cheek. He met her and warned her off then came home and said either I put up with her without reacting or we wouldnt see her again. I couldnt have that on my concience so I avoided going where possible and bit my tongue when I had to go. While it was very distressing when my marriage ended I like to think I didnt just lose a husband I got rid of one hell of a bitching, evil, drink driving bench sitting (oh yes she was a magistrate removing other drink drivers licences) MIL. And AMEN to that!!!

[Vince G]

Here's the flowers I'm giving the MIL on Mother's Day. Can always get round her with a bag of PSB !!

[Headfry]

I love mine to bits! I am so lucky to have two great Mums!

Big hugs to Janeyo hope things are better now some time has passed, and hugs to all who struggle in one way or another with MIL's and FIL's, it cant be easy at all.