How do you snap out of it?

[lottie dolly]

I to get times of no motivation,cannot be bothered ext,list making does not work for me,i try and chill,recharge the old batteries,then,do something totaly diferent,or do a good deed for another,it realy does help you feel worth something again,forget house work for a bit,make time for youself when they are at school,or having a sleep,what i did when mine were younger,i read stories and taped them,when on your own you can put emotion into it,different than reading direct to them,then you got a bit of you to share whislt you chill out,my lads still remember it today with afection,sent you motivation vibes,i sometimes wonder if it's natures way of saying,TAKE A REST and time to sort youself out,not only is new for the kiddes,but you also,not easy being an adult sometimes,

[shobhna]

Di, I've been there and got the t-shirt to prove it and funnily enough, I happened to have an Andy in my life over a couple of years ago. Long story.....

Anyway, I too have moments of great motivation and moments of wanting to shut out the world. The break up was so long winded, he just would not leave and I was 'charging neutral' and letting it end when it did so as not to hurt myself finanacially any more then I already was being hurt.
Eventually, when it was all sorted and the dust had settled, I threw myself into everything with great gusto.
I don't have children to worry over, so it was me and what I wanted to do.

However, there were and still are times when I just feel totally 'lazy' and I am still too exacting with myself.
I defo. won't make a list in my head of jobs to do because then you do the job...once in your head and one in reality. That is too much wasted energy.
I do however make list of things and then I plan on when I want to complete it by.
Sometimes Sod's Law comes into it and most times more exciting things happen and I get side tracked, which I totally enjoy.
I'm surprised and thrilled at myself for what I have done in the last 2 years and still find time to fit more and more in.
I did a lot of soul searching when all this was going on and decided that I was a loving and lovable humanoid and that no-one was going to make me feel anything less.
I decided to choose my feelings and was never going to allow anyone to change that. This in itself has helped me hugely.

The other thing I did was I broke up all of my lists into managable chunks and then I found that I was getting things done and enjoying it in the process.
I suppose the best I can say is that be kind to yourself, love yourself and care for yourself first and foremost....let the rest of everything just follow.

Ok...I have now got off my soap-box.

[shobhna]

Veggichicken, I like your way of thinking too. :-)

[Hilary B]

When I have had times of being demotivated, the only thing that worked was to discover a reason why someone was relying on me for a particular task. Take it one task at a time, and then start working out why I've GOT to do the next one, not for myself but for someone else.
With a farm it was (relatively) easy, the sheep HAD to be looked at, the cow barn HAD to be mucked out, so having the children away all week (daily travel for school really was NOT an option) didn't do too much harm.
What also helped was that there was someone around who believed I could do it, and was disappointed when I didn't manage. Well guess what, YOU'VE GOT US LOT!

[northepaul]

I am the world champion of procratination, so I do kind of know how you feel....alittle anyway.

Exercise does help beat the blues, maybe some digging in the garden or allotment?

Why dont you start by making lists and planning something you actually want to do? This might help motivate you with the less exciting stuff.

I have also found meditation helps to clarify the mind and keeps you focused.
A good one I try to do each day at bedtime is to relax, (deep breathing etc) and try to think of five things have had been good during that day - they could be a lovely picture one of your kids drew, or just something someone said that made you smile, for example. It really does help you sleep well and makes you feel positive.

Just remember that you can do it.

[zazen999]

Can I just say - sometimes, you need to just enjoy the pleasure of doing nothing. Maybe not for too long - but if you can at least enjoy being in your own skin and doing nothing for nothing's sake; it really can motivate you to keep going.

[Glutton4...]

Firstly, ((HUGS)) from me. One of the ways I use to snap out of a melancholy mood (I'm in the middle of some sh!te myself at the moment), is to think of those people that are far less well-off than me. There's always someone, somewhere, in a situation that makes you sit back and think "Blimey, my life's not that bad!" and I find that a great leveller. It stops me moping around, bottling things up, and becoming morose.

There's some great advice in this thread. I'm sure I'm not the only one benefiting from reading it.

[Snadger]

........................... There is light at the end of your tunnel. You just need help finding it.

.................and try and dodge the train coming at you at 100 mile an hour!

Take care lady Di...............

[di]

Thanks, Snadge. That made me smile. x

And thank you everyone for your gentle motivation. It's good to know you're not on your own. Shobhna, my marriage went on far longer than it should, I think we were both so intent on staying together for the kiddies.(we are getting on far better now than ever and I hope we can be friends for life). Just, when he left, I had this vision of being the only responsible adult in the home, I could do things my way and I could make those things great. I was actually really excited about the future. Then, with hindsight, far too soon, came a total whirlwind romance. I wasn't expecting it, nor wanting it but I got caught up in it all the same. It's now finished and left me with so many questions about me, but also guilt that I let the important stuff slide and get on top of me. Like you though, it's also forced me to look a little deeper at me and although there's lots I hate, I've also learnt that any relationship fits in with me, my family and our needs.

....but that doesn't sort the mess I am ashamed that I've become a blubbering mess that only holds it together when the kiddies are about, I am ashamed that at bedtime their pyjamas were still in the middle of the floor, despite me stepping over them several times in the day, I am ashamed that we've not eaten at the dining table since before Christmas because it's full of crap and I'm mostly ashamed that my sis has chronic Parkinsons, yet still manages to keep a tidy home

On a positive, I felt so negative about what I'd (not) done today. Looking back,I finally got to the bank with a PTA friend to become a signatory...one less task to do and one less piece of paperwork in the house. I got the kiddies to school on time ( and picked them up 5 mins late because of a queue in the bank ). I've wiped out the rat cage. Had Andi round to play with the kiddies and rats. And have tucked in and kissed Goodnight the two most precious things in my life.......and in the morning, get what I've been waiting all week for, lazy snuggles in bed with them, with no clock watching.

Sorry if I've come across all needy. Much as I hate it, right now I am....and I knew here was the place to come. Thanks. xxx

[veggiechicken]

Dear Di, You've had a much more fulfilling day than I have and achieved one heck of a lot more. I'd be really pleased with myself if I'd done as much as you - and I'm not joking! Tomorrow, why not ask the children to help you clear the table - even if its into boxes- and sit around it and share a meal, or play a game together.
I've never kept a tidy home, there are far more important things in life than dust. The people you love are what matters and you must learn to love yourself too - because, as the adverts say - "You're worth it!"

[VirginVegGrower]

I am the world champion of procratination, so I do kind of know how you feel....alittle anyway.

Exercise does help beat the blues, maybe some digging in the garden or allotment?

Why dont you start by making lists and planning something you actually want to do? This might help motivate you with the less exciting stuff.

I have also found meditation helps to clarify the mind and keeps you focused.
A good one I try to do each day at bedtime is to relax, (deep breathing etc) and try to think of five things have had been good during that day - they could be a lovely picture one of your kids drew, or just something someone said that made you smile, for example. It really does help you sleep well and makes you feel positive.

Just remember that you can do it.

And I suggest those five good things are

1. A fun time with your kids

2. George Clooney

3. His mate, Brad Pitt

4. Chocolate

5. Gin and tonic

[Ananke]

A couple of books that might interest you...

Stop thinking, Start living - think the authors name is Carlson
A new earth - Eckhart Tolle

[lizzylemon]

How many times in my life have I walked past the pile of stuff on the stairs waiting to go up? How many times have I dropped a towel on the bedroom floor? How many times have I stepped over that toy instead of picking it up? Countless times, but it's not the end of the world.
I do take that stuff up stairs eventually along with the rest of it, but I make sure I have a tidy up day one day a week. It's the same day every week and I go around the house from top to bottom. I start as soon as I get in from dropping the little one to pre-school, after I've put music on & taken coat/shoes off. No TV / Laptop / cup of tea as I find them totally de-motivational. I try to do stuff as soon as I get in cos it's easier to start with the energy you have from the school run and keep it going than it is starting from nothing. it doesn't have to be massive projects, for me it's silly things like putting away the clean linen cos I'm crap at that (I end up with folded piled everywhere) then it will be some thing like sorting X problem out with X company / government department and then job search, or maybe just job searching. Then it's time for the TV/Laptop to come out

[jackie j]

Di dont beat yourself up I have also been there done that etc, split up after 18 years of marriage and four sons. It isnt easy to suddenly be the only adult in the house. The whirlwind romance came because you probably felt that no one would fancy you and someone showed you a bit of affection and WHAM. It will get better honest, it will get easier honest. Dont worry if you dont get things done, the only thing that matters at the moment is that you are all healthy, the three of you have a great relationship and as you have said things between you and Andi are better than before. That is also good for the kids cos mum and dad don't argue all the time.
Take each day at a time, try and do the things that need doing the most, getting up and out the door
for school is a massive achievment.
try and do something for yourself each day, meet with a friend for a coffee, go for a walk, read a book. Most of us never finish what we started most days anyway, its not because you are on your own, its in all of us.

[Two_Sheds]

Di, I do sympathise.

I feel I'm on an endless treadmill of picking up, shopping, cleaning, putting away ... it's never "done" ~ and I don't have little children to look after.

Himself's Saturdays are spent at the footy/pub, mine are spent cleaning the house & doing the laundry. He only works 10 days a month now, but he doesn't lift a finger, he just watches TV all his days off.
I was told to have a nice relaxing bath to calm me down the other day: well, I had to clean the fricking muck & hair out before I could get in. A mild request to please rinse down the bath when you get out led to a 2-day tantrum, so I wish I hadn't bothered. And when I said a nice cup of tea would go down well, he huffed and puffed, managed to put a teabag & water in a cup, then lost interest and walked off back to his TV. I found it, stewed and cold ...

Parents, PLEASE teach your children to clean up after THEMSELVES, not to expect someone else (usually mum) to do it for them. If they want a clean shirt, teach them how to wash it themselves (or happily they might realise that there are already 26 other clean shirts hanging up already). If they're going to be fussy about meals, teach them how to cook for themselves.

The 10 year olds in my class expect Miss to pick up their dropped pencils, find their lost books, tie their shoelaces, know which lesson comes next and which books they'll need for it ... they're helpless.
Get them involved at an early age, make a game of it, teach them responsibility. My little nephews love doing the hoovering, loading the washing machine etc and are too young to see it as "woman's work".

It's much easier to instill this when they're littlies than suddenly spring it on them as teenagers.