Reasoned Debate!

[donnakebab]

Tell him you are going to fix the shed roof and could use his help to hold the ladder for you, gather up all the stuff you will need to do the job, and go do it.

I would have done it by now if I could.

1. No good up a ladder. I get vertigo when I walk up stairs that have gaps where the riser should be.

2. Can't physically get my hands round the edges of the ply boards he got to do the roof. My outstretched arm span is 56.5 inches or 143 cm.

3. Don't have a roof rack on the car.

4. His van is massive and we struggle to get it through the gates of the allotment site. It's a 2 man/woman (person) job.

5. If he had done the roof how I wanted I would have been able to do it myself, but the roof he decided on has cathedral like proportions. Obviously he wasn't listening to me when he asked what style I wanted...again!

You see my dilema.

[VirginVegGrower]

Then go back to my "I'm going to get someone in dear, shouldn't be too expensive..."

[petal]

This is all very well, but I still can't use the rotavator, I am just not strong enough- maybe i will do some weight training.

[Potstubsdustbins]

You should always crack your nuts prior to jacking the car!

I can crack two walnuts together in my hand, which bears no relevance to changing a wheel, however, it does scare men somewhat

That reminds me of the advert for a gym where the lady cracked a walnut between the cheeks of her ------ now that was scary. LOL

[Two_Sheds]

His input around the house is zero unless something is interfering with his general comfort.

But there's nothing to do around the house except a little bit of hoovering round the tellybox...! Which is what Himself did on Friday and expected a medal for !

We have no end of rows about stuff that needs to be done. In my mind, get the best person for the job, use the skills each person has, work together.
However, Himself will not take direction or help, he will not concede that he can't do something, and he refuses to do those tasks that he deems beneath him (anything slightly "domestic"). He can't work the washing machine, but he can program the Sky box and his iPhone.

He refuses to let me teach him how to cook, he'd rather make a hash of it by himself - which I wouldn't mind if he cleared up after himself, but he doesn't. Last time he heated up something on the hob, he melted a spongey all over the glass (wiping up something very hot with something plastic is going to get messy.)

I put the concrete base around my gh. I unblock the sinks & drains. I fix stuff & mend stuff. I lagged the loft. I sorted out and repaid his £20k credit card debt (and then the £10k bank loan he'd forgotten about).
I can parallel park.

I have good ideas about things, but they're only good ideas when a (male) mate of his mentions them, then they're the best idea since sliced bread.

Sometimes I need a hand, if things are too heavy or too big for me, but he won't help. He'll either do it all by himself and break it, or he'll get a mate to do it. What he won't do is assist me to do it.

I don't mind doing stuff like this, because I'm good at sorting things and I enjoy the challenge. What makes me really really cross is never being thanked or credited. I have to force a thank you out of him, and then he sulks about it for 3 days afterwards.

I can think of no other reason than that my being a competent person, despite being little, blonde female, makes him feel inadequate in some way...? I'm perplexed. He won't discuss it, just gets really cross.

[Potstubsdustbins]

Yes I have and it's very good advice but I have to pick my moment. He can get a bit defensive if I point out his failings (Of which I have none). I might leave the gravy off his dinner later.

Anybody got a spare hard hat?

Donna you can borrow mine.

Colin

[VirginVegGrower]

But there's nothing to do around the house except a little bit of hoovering round the tellybox...! Which is what Himself did on Friday and expected a medal for !

We have no end of rows about stuff that needs to be done. In my mind, get the best person for the job, use the skills each person has, work together.
However, Himself will not take direction or help, he will not concede that he can't do something, and he refuses to do those tasks that he deems beneath him (anything slightly "domestic"). He can't work the washing machine, but he can program the Sky box and his iPhone.

He refuses to let me teach him how to cook, he'd rather make a hash of it by himself - which I wouldn't mind if he cleared up after himself, but he doesn't. Last time he heated up something on the hob, he melted a spongey all over the glass (wiping up something very hot with something plastic is going to get messy.)

I put the concrete base around my gh. I unblock the sinks & drains. I fix stuff & mend stuff. I lagged the loft. I sorted out and repaid his £20k credit card debt (and then the £10k bank loan he'd forgotten about).
I can parallel park.

I have good ideas about things, but they're only good ideas when a (male) mate of his mentions them, then they're the best idea since sliced bread.

Sometimes I need a hand, if things are too heavy or too big for me, but he won't help. He'll either do it all by himself and break it, or he'll get a mate to do it. What he won't do is assist me to do it.

I don't mind doing stuff like this, because I'm good at sorting things and I enjoy the challenge. What makes me really really cross is never being thanked or credited. I have to force a thank you out of him, and then he sulks about it for 3 days afterwards.

I can think of no other reason than that my being a competent person, despite being little, blonde female, makes him feel inadequate in some way...? I'm perplexed. He won't discuss it, just gets really cross.

Take a sabbatical maybe (a Shirley Valentine)...I had one like that. Had being the operative word. Mr VVG and I mesh together. It's taken me a while, but he ain't no toad

[Potstubsdustbins]

Reading through this thread makes me wonder if some people judge all others by what they experience and thats why they get angry with the world.

I am so lucky to have my wife we learnt to share our lives and all that goes with it years ago. Very little female/male divide except when it comes to shifting heavy weights I am the bigger and stronger so take on the task. Everything else is shared except the washing machine, the last time I tried to use it I made a complete hash of everything and was barred from the laundry.

Guess I am just lucky. Colin

[VirginVegGrower]

Ah you see I gave Mr VVG a lesson in separating colours, fabric type, etc. he is pretty competent at button pressing. But you're right, with patience and shared roles, a pleasant experience takes place. He needs a nudge now and again but I love nothing more than when we are pulling together to get a job done. I'll go and find a bucket now...

And on that note I'm off out again to do some shovelling and chainsaw ripping...vroom vroom!

[mothhawk]

Ok, here's my two penneth........its to do with evolution.

Men and women had specific roles when we started on our evolutionary path as 'hunter gatherers'
Each was suited better to there respective roles, to ensure their survival at that time...

That's why men look so awkward holding a small baby in one arm. Compare elbow joints with arms out straight and fists with thumbs up. A man's elbow joint is vertical (for want of a better description), while a woman's slopes - a natural cradle for a baby.

[veggiechicken]

Mothhawk, you've lost me there! I keep stretching out my arm but there's no bloke around to ask for a comparison. I suppose I'll have to wait until the washing machine man comes tomorrow morning.

[donnakebab]

That's why men look so awkward holding a small baby in one arm. Compare elbow joints with arms out straight and fists with thumbs up. A man's elbow joint is vertical (for want of a better description), while a woman's slopes - a natural cradle for a baby.

Oh Please! Does that mean you would not hold your new born because you didn't have the right shaped skeleton? I think not.

My advice is don't hold a small baby in one arm...hold it in both, then you can make the the perfect cradle.

[veggiechicken]

I can't help on that because I've made it my destiny to keep away from all babies. Never picked one up in my life and I'm not going to start now.

[Nicos]

I'm keeping quiet- My OH is better than me at most things( including all domestic stuff)
...we work really well as a team - domestic, garden and building work. I'm just not as strong and tall as he is and I tire sooner.
Our two different types of logic bounce well off each other- and I quite enjoy fiddly things which will eventually irritate him.

Of course we clash from time to time- who doesn't? Reading all these posts helps me realise how lucky I am....and how lucky he is too!

[Glutton4...]

Have just made a fire, Mr VVG stood there saying "here, let me" (I have a bad back at the moment)...I said "Why, is it because I is a girl?" Then I told him to go and start cooking the dinner

Bossy cow!