Bashful Bill - update thread

[Finedon.Dandy]

I've just caught up with this thread - blimey gal, what a plateful you have!!

Sadly I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, however it's really good to see you asking in here, and getting, so much support - but then what else did you expect

Its lovely to see your muddy knees Piskie! Yes why else would I be here!

He is sat doing his sums next to me at the mo

[zazen999]

Tammy. When did all this start to surface? Even in small doses?

[Finedon.Dandy]

He didnt settle well into reception, was disruptive and a little agressive but nothing like now. He was put with a teacher used to "challenging kids" and first term was FAB. I started to have trouble with his behaviour at home after Christmas and asked the school for support which is when they admitted they were having problems at school but didnt want to trouble me. I wish they had as we may have been able to stem the tide.........

[julesapple]

Did BB start school at about the same time as the Twincesses arrived?

Jules

[zazen999]

What was going on around him at the time though - friends leaving/moving away/any related family stuff going on? It's often something that has triggered it so finding out is often a key to resolving it.

[VirginVegGrower]

Well done you!

I have a good friend who has a difficult child - he's a grown-up in a young lad's body, and most people (including some of his relatives) don't bother to learn how to deal with him. He can be a total PITA at times, and is far worse when spoken down to in a condescending manner, or yelled at - can't blame him, really! But talk to him more like an adult, and he can be a real joy. He is extremely intelligent and articulate, loves to be busy, and is desperate to be helpful. He is also Dyslexic and is currently being assessed for ADHD.

Dunno why I'm waffling, really, but I'm glad you had a positive day, and good on you for trying different methods - fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Children with dyslexia can exhibit autistic traits, such as fear of loud noises, etc. My son's best friend has dyslexia and he is now 15, having seen him struggle aged 5 to get diagnosed. It was me that told my friend I had noticed something and that he needed to be looked at for special needs. I've helped her with the slog and you wouldn't believe how difficult it is.
He's thriving now though!

FD - your book is still here wrapped as I didn't get to the PO that night. Will take it this afternoon as I'm in town then. Keep focused and calm. His kicking out is because he is struggling to get his point across. Does his school have a SN trained teacher?

[mudpies]

Tammy,
I have worked as a Headteacher in a school with a special unit. I have met some very scared and angry children in my time who express their emotions physically because it is all they can do. I've never ever met a 'bad' child, just confused misunderstood young people who need compassion and understanding. Please PM me if you need specific advice regarding Special Needs provision. Sorry if I am jumping into this thread a little late, but has he got a statement etc?

[Finedon.Dandy]

What was going on around him at the time though - friends leaving/moving away/any related family stuff going on? It's often something that has triggered it so finding out is often a key to resolving it.

These are the "big" events thaT I can think of;

BB born September 2005

We moved 1 1/4 hour away January 2006

I suffered 3 miscarriages between September 2007 and October 2008

Pea n Pod born October 2009

BB started school September 2010 shortly after his 5th birthday

Father-in-law passed away December 2010

BB started in year 1 September 2011

Mother-in-law came to stay for 4 days after Christmas 2011 - my sister feels he got worse since then, I dont know but do remember Bluebelle was very upset about the snide comments she kept making to me and felt she wasnt being very nice!

January 2011 - behaviour out of control

[Finedon.Dandy]

Tammy,
I have worked as a Headteacher in a school with a special unit. I have met some very scared and angry children in my time who express their emotions physically because it is all they can do. I've never ever met a 'bad' child, just confused misunderstood young people who need compassion and understanding. Please PM me if you need specific advice regarding Special Needs provision. Sorry if I am jumping into this thread a little late, but has he got a statement etc?

Will PM later - thanks so much. Just trying to keep him occupied at the mo.

[lizzylemon]

Tammy, also don't forget that no child (or adult come to that) is good all of the time. Everyone has bad days, and because the balance is way off at the moment, 'normal' bad days might seen a little worse because of the other stuff that's been going on recently.

You are both still making good progress and hopefully the better days will out way the bad some time soon, and then these glitches will simply become a bad day, rather than a 'dreaded step backwards' which is possibly how it feels today.

I hope that makes sense. Chin up girl - 3 steps forward and 1 step back is what you're doing

[lottie dolly]

tammy huge hugs for you and yours just you hang in there,you have a wonderfull support team,i wish i did years ago when i was going though it,i really feel for you,disaproving family[my late mam]and thyroid broblems really do no good at all.i always say,if you got nothing nice to say then keep it shut,

[zazen999]

Mother-in-law came to stay for 4 days after Christmas 2011 - my sister feels he got worse since then, I dont know but do remember Bluebelle was very upset about the snide comments she kept making to me and felt she wasnt being very nice!

January 2011 - behaviour out of control

Does Bluebelle know why he behaves like this? I know it's hard to ask but often kids just know these things.

[jackie j]

Hi Tammy, just hang in there, he is just hitting out trying to be understood, if he cant express himself its more than likely he doesnt know how to. If his Dad is angry with him and shouts at him then thats what he will do. If you are angry with him he will copy what you do, when he is angry. Hope you and the school can get to the bottom of what is going on. The only problem ( thankfully ) I had with one of my boys was when he started school, he could only go for half a day the same as he did in nursery as there wasnt the funding for a full time teacher. He didnt like going, I had to drag him there and then it would take two teachers to get him off me. His behaviour changed, This went on for ages. I checked with a friend who was a dinner lady to see if he was being bullied, there didnt seem to be any thing going on. In the end we went to the doctors and he had an ear infection, once that was sorted he was fine again, untill we moved towns, new school, new friends, new teachers, he started having to be dragged to school again, it turned out the teacher didnt believe some of the things he was telling everyone about his dads work and called him a liar, he was 6 years old. When I spoke to her and found out what she had said to him, I said 'AND your problem with what he told you is ' ??? what he had told her was true about his dads work.

Talk about BB with your OH out of BB's earshot, praise him when he does well and behaves, give him small targets, take things away for short periods of time for bad behaviour. Its no good telling him that Dad will tell him off when he gets home, or that he cant have or do something for a week, keep it simple and short.
Hugs

[Creemteez]

Tammy, have been keeping an eye on proceedings but as I don't have any children of my own, have been holding back form comment.
However, I would say that your MiL's behaviour WILL have been noticed by your son. If Bluebell was aware of it, then so was he. He's more than old enough to understand when people are being deliberately hostile. It might not be the only reason, but I bet it's partially to blame.
All I can say is you seem to be doing everything you possibly can and at the risk of sounding too harsh, think your OH needs to take A LOT more of a positive role in his sons life. Him being angry at the situation - and showing it - is not helping the situation.
YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER! - If you weren't you wouldn't care. Chin up! xx

[bramble]

Just keep giving him lots of praise for all the good things he does.
I would'nt put him on the naughty step because he knows he will get your attention every time he gets off it.
Take a little treat from him and he will probably miss this more than sitting on the step.
It must be very difficult trying to cope with 4 children but you know, when the weather gets better he will be out and about and not confined indoors so it should be a little easier then.