Bashful Bill - update thread

[julesapple]

Reading the above, I would say some special father & son time is needed. Did Read before that Mr FD is away at times for work? I bet BB is missing him very much. Have you asked BB if he misses Daddy?

How was his day today? All the sums done? And, just as important, how are you today?

Jules

[BroadRipple]

and I don't know you at all or any of the background, but just wanted to say have read all the posts and feel so much for you, must be incredibly hard...but as someone said on here you're so clearly a good mother, and doing what you can, and please be PUSHY with getting the school to help with thingst things like educational psychologist referrals, special needs, statements, autism etc...not that I'm saying any of these apply, but they (and the council, and local hospitals etc) CAN help with these things, but you have to be a squeaky wheel and MAKE them. Having said that, you're obviously flat out and super stressed, so really the most important thing is positive attention (a nursery worker said to me once 'you can't lay the praise on too thick when they do something good) and showing your love, and LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF. i.e. not beating yrself up. B/c you're obviously great.

[di]

Woah!!! Just how many people have commented on what a good mum you are.....start believing it lady!!! xx

[Headfry]

Morning Tammy,
Another big hug from me, I know it wont help really, but its all I have to give. Sadly no kiddies here so have not had the experience of bringing up children, but I can give you a loving hug and tell you that I am thinking of you all.
HF
xx

[Finedon.Dandy]

Hiya all.

Just checking in. THANK YOU for all the lovely comments. I MUST be a good Mum if you lot say so *blushes* The meeting was rather mixed but have a splitting headache, Pea is desperately trying to get my attention so think I will tell you all about it tomorrow. I will just say that he went into class during the meeting and had an ok day. I think an early night is called for so nite nite.

[Seahorse]

I'm going to echo those folk who have said your OH needs to take a bigger role. As you know, I also have four kids, one of whom is 'special'. My exH was worse than useless (in effect a fifth child, someone I had to try and placate and look after). The single best thing for me as a parent of a difficult child was meeting someone who supported both me and him. My boy has come along in leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.

I presume your chap works away for financial reasons and I know it's not easy to swap jobs, particularly at the moment but he might need a sharp word about what - and who! - in his life are really important.

[Finedon.Dandy]

SUCH alot to tell you all!

Firstly on Monday, following his expulsion from school I had a good long chat with BB about what had gone on to create the situation. Got alot of info but couldnt get to the nitty gritty so husband asked the teacher, when he was arrangeing for some work to be ready to collect for him to do on Tuesday. I was in dismay when it turned out that it was a complete fabrication on BB part and glad Mr D hadnt told teacher was BB had said.

He was very good on Tuesday. I did have to do one time out and he tried to throw a strop each time he was asked to do a new peice of work (following a break after each task completion) but one he got on with it, not only was I amazed by how clever he is but also how he wanted to do more and more!

On Wednesday, 9:30, he was very calm and went into the meeting fine. Head asked if he understood why he had been expelled and he said he had been naughty. She then went on to ask how he had been naughty and he answered as best he could but then she just went too far and I could see a flicker of upset in his face. Unfortuantely Mr D then reached out to try and comfort him and I didnt want BB thinking we were shocked or disagreed with the head so just mentioned its best to leave him. Then the head continued with her (what in effect was) reprimand and she just lost him as he closed his eyes, tried to twist around in the chair, wouldnt talk any further and then slid down off the chair and onto the floor.

She stated he wasnt in any state to join his class and we agreed. I was then utterly shocked, (stunned that she could even contemplate it) when she asked if it was ok with us to continue the meeting (talking ABOUT him) with him present!!!! I said no that was most def NOT ok and they decided to take him down to the library where he could sit safely and calmly under the eye of two teachers who were working in there - one of whom was his class teacher.

They then showed Mr D and I various bits of paperwork, including a risk assesment which we will have to sign and to be honest when we came out of the meeting we felt like we were not any further forward but obviously the school had achedived their objective covering their backs.

I showed them the picture BB had done upon his return home on Monday. Its horrible - he wrote "so bad" lots of times when I asked him to write how he was feeling and so then asked him to draw his face, heads and teachers faces to show how they were feeling and they were ugly shouting faces also with tears from his eyes. They will submit that as his current view.

I also showed them the account I had written from what he was telling me becuase as well as being a good indication of what is going on in his mind it also called into question as to he is in fact being bullied as he says that three (named) children are saying he looks wierd and they are going to get him. They were not aware of any situation between BB and these children so that may be part of the cuase. They will be looking closly now at any future interactions.

A couple of other things did come out of the meeting;

A referal has now also been done to BACIN (sp?) and we were shocked to find out that his reception teacher had been referred to them when BB was with her to help give her some ideas on how to handle her class - was her first class

His "scores" which should be around 5 are excellent on all education levels, i.e. literacey, numeracy physical etc but his social skills and emotional are 2/3. We had always known this but it still felt a bit of a shock to see the hard cold figures.

A parent has contacted the school with a view to removing their child following BB behaviour and worse another parent has written a letter of complaint about him. It was said in a matter of fact way - almost "you shouldnt worry about this" way but I was gutted.

I then was a bit put out (to put it mildly since Mr D had taken the day off) when the head appologised that she had to leave for another meeting at 10:30 just an hour in when we hadnt got through anything and Mr D and I felt like we hadnt acheived anything. She said she would ask his teacher to take him back to class on her way out and would send teacher up to us if there was a problem. Of course my heart stopped when I heard footsteps on the stairs 10 minutes later but thankfully it was his teacher telling us she was about to take him in! Phew!

We then had a quick chat ourselves. She said her objective today would be, not to teach him, but just to get him to stay, happy, in the class. I said that considering his scores I would be happy if the educational side slipped as long as we addressed his emotional and social. He is bright enough almost to get by at the mo.

I also mentioned friends to he and she thought it was a good idea to start inviting children round to tea to try and form some friendships and she said she would then also sit them together in class.

I think thats all on the meeting but I will be back again in a mo cos there is more.....

[Finedon.Dandy]

Mr D and I spent the afternoon updating all our caring friends and family then he went and collected kids from school. BB was first to be picked up and he was stood behind a woman who was chatting loudly to her friend about the boy (obviously BB) and how she has complained to the school and now to the police!!!! Mr D was furious, said nothing and hung back so they wouldnt make the conection as to who he was so he could continue to evesdrop. I do now think though as you will see from below * that she knew exactly who he was. Mr D described this woman to me and shock horror its the Mum of one of the bullies!!!!

BB came home full of beans reporting that he had a new friend who was going to come to tea and also to sit at a two legged table with lol in class! Teacher had said he initialy picked two year 2s but she didnt want them to then become seperated come September when they went up to the juniors.

I approached the Mum at school this morning but because the boys were with us and the lady Mr D had overheard was within earshot I just asked if I could have a word when they went in. The boy greeted BB with the words "You think up brilliant games Daniel" - aww so sweet! The complaining lady then could be heard obviously updating her friend on this awful boy her little darling had to put up with and then called her lad over with the words (so I could hear*) "How can I complain about a boy when you wont do as you are told" She then went in with her child to "talk to his teacher". I then told the nice boys Mum that BB was being picked on, it was causing misbehaviour in class and could he come to tea in the hope it generates some friendship. She then said he had come home full of beans about his new friend BB and how they were going to sit together. We have agrred to swap numbers tonight.

My friend then came up to me to see how things were and I repeated what Mr D had overheard, keeping my eye out for the lady in questions. Unfortunately (or maybe not) whe came out and clicked we were talking about her and shouted back as she passed "Go on have a good talk about me" I just ignored it but what a cow! I then went in to see his teacher, said Mr D was angry which made her worry she had done something wrong bless - she really is trying so hard for my boy. I repeated what Mr D had heard and she said thats the last thing I needed, the parents hadnt called the police and not to worry. I then said I knew who it was now who had complained and she said not to worry about what anyone else did or said but to concentrate on getting BB happier. She said she had seperated BB from his bullie and would watch any contacts very carefuly. I told her that if the Mum was saying things like that and being that way then in my mind it just confirmed that BB is indeed being bullied. I just hope it is confirmed and she gets called in about his behaviour to see how she likes it - except I would support her if the need arose and its a shame she is so blinkered and nasty not to see this.

I think thats all....phew....

Onwards and upwards - everyone is being so supportive - I feel very loved

[di]

Onwards and upwards

Please though, don't let yourself get caught up in playground games with other mums...I've seen so many nasty arguments between mums on the playground. Rise above it, hold your head high, stay out of her way and know that the teacher has her eye on the ball. BB and this 'bully' may be best mates next term. Kiddies have a far better ability to get over their disagreements than us adults do

Take Care. xx

[Seahorse]

Hard work but at least you are making some progress.

I totally agree with Di. Unfortunately some parents are idiots with nothing better to do than moan or sound off. Nasty mum is best ignored. She has no actual say over how BB is treated within school and any confrontation will only end up with you being upset - that's something you don't need at the moment.

[lottie dolly]

all this very hopefully will continue full circle,then other mums should be very shamed faced,at what they alowed themself to become,top marks to you all as a family,it is very hard trying to cope emotionaly,but you and BB,will tyumph,love the frienship idea,when our youngest was 12 ish,we had a a couple of calls com and get him,2 seperats times he had another lad in hold,the staff did't know how to respond,turned out he being bullied,i tolled the school,my fears were for MY SON,as we did not wish him to end up with a death on his mind for life,upshot was,the school soon sorted things out for the better,no outside help was needed,this time,phew,he is was taller than them with 13 shoes,so he simply snapped,they tormented him and got a response,only not what they expected lol,he was a mild fellow,that was a few years ago now,all these things can impact on the rest of the family to,all the best X X

[Finedon.Dandy]

Please dont worry about me guys. I will NOT let her bully me. I cant promise not to get upset by any encounters but I wont be drawn into her pettiness. XX

[bramble]

Keep those posative thoughts Tammy. It is'nt easy but it will be worth it.
When BB is older, and you look back over his school years you can say honestly you did all you could for him.

[maytreefrannie]

Our hearts go right out to our children, we so much wish for everything to go well for them (mine are now grown up). We feel hurt along with them when things are tough for them. BB has a loving family and this is what will bring him and you through this.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

[roitelet]

Hope all is going well and that no news is good news.