Another challenge.

[Jax]

I cant add any advice to what others have said. However, I can say that your a very special person to be doing what your doing. ((((Big Hugs)))) Take care of yourself and treat yourself kindly x

[RedThorn]

just remember driving that tired is very dangerous if not for yourself, for the other innocent road users, you need to get some rest and/or cut down on the visits.

Hug's in a difficult place in life.

[Helgalush]

Lots of hugs from me too. Its very selfless & brave of you to go and visit him and try to be there for him, given everything you went through. Take care of yourself too.

[shobhna]

Many many thanks to everyone for their encouraging replies. I am doing the best I know how.

I had a phone call in the middle of the night from his son to let me know that he had just had a call from the Nursing Home to let him know that his Dad had passed away.
So, now the pain and discomfort are over for my Ex. and he is at peace.
I was pleased, if I can use such a word, to feel that his son would ring me almost straight away to let me know this and that he seemed to take some strength in telling me this. He also asked me to inform my ex's RMP friends and anyone else that I know that will need to be told.

I could not sleep after that phone call and I am Ok unless someone asks me how I am feeling ....that seems to upset me a bit and I guess I will 'toughen' myself up soon.

It is just so strange that I spend 25 years with one man who totally controlled me and I allowed it to happen and then I had to teach myself to forgive all that. Now I will help sort out whatever his son asks me to sort because there is no way you can spend a quarter of a centuary with someone and no regard for them.

Then I have a 'typical' whirlwind romance and married someone who was a serial adulterer and had been so blinded by his little bit of care and regard.

Kind of makes me think that I don't know what normal is or is there any suchthing as normal.
:-/

Still, I will focus more on meditating to-night and will work harder at keeping my mind focused and get back on the road that is sometims rocky, sometimes full of pot holes, sometimes smooth and has always got lots of interesting scenery along the way.
I thank everyone on here for all the virtual hugs.

[cardiffsteve]

My condolences to you and to your Ex's family.

[RedThorn]

Hugs. When my FIL passed away, my wife and I, we were told this and thought it was so true.

"Time does not make the pain go away, but over time you learn to deal with the pain better."

Thoughts with you in a very confusing and emotional time. BIG hugs

[shobhna]

RedThorn, I like that quote. So very true.

[Seahorse]

My condolences to you. I'm glad your ex is now at peace and that you can start to move forward x

[Thelma Sanders]

I'm glad that you can see the end of it now, where the light is
Well done for being strong this long, and for the forgiving (probably the hardest part of it all)
Hope everything returns to calm very soon.

((hugs))

[di]

Lots of love to you. Don't be confused, you loved this man, you maybe 'fell out of love' but the fact that you couldn't just let him suffer through this on his own shows what a loving heart you have. xx

[taff]

Kind of makes me think that I don't know what normal is or is there any suchthing as normal.
:-/

Some of us are just carp at picking blokes...we think we want them when we get them, then we try to change them or them us....that's pretty normal

[Hilary B]

I sometimes wonder whether the .... more negative personality traits... in some men are perhaps genetically linked to something that many women find appealing (presumably it can happen the opposite way round, but having only encountered it from the female side, I would't know for sure). I have 3 sisters, and 2 of them married men who... were not exactly the best choices, I've also come across similar situations among friends. In every case, the man was a charmer at first acquaintance.

[julesapple]

Shobhna, I'm glad his passing was peaceful and he is no longer suffering. It's always sad to lose a loved one, but if they were suffering and those around them were suffering too, then it's a heart-felt release.

Focus on yourself now, be selfish for a while and then you'll know what you want to do with your life.

Chin up!

Jules

[shobhna]

I sometimes wonder whether the .... more negative personality traits... in some men are perhaps genetically linked to something that many women find appealing (presumably it can happen the opposite way round, but having only encountered it from the female side, I would't know for sure). I have 3 sisters, and 2 of them married men who... were not exactly the best choices, I've also come across similar situations among friends. In every case, the man was a charmer at first acquaintance.

HilaryB, I know what you mean. I had a good friend of mine say to me yesterday that they could never understand why I left him all those years ago and that he was such a nice person. I'm afraid I had to say to her that a lot more goes on behind closed doors and that it was not her business to know this either. Unbelieveable......that she sould even say that. Makes me think !!
And yes, sometimes I wonder why I chose the men I did. In the first instance I wanted a father figure, not having spent time with my own so I married my first husband. The when it turned out to be a totally loveless marriage, I left and met and married a serial adulterer....because I was looking for love (in any guise) So yes, I wonder if I was fulfilling some need in me. :-)

[kirsty b]

You can have a virtual hug from me xxx