confidence

[taff]

I just worry as I am doing this from my intuition not guided by anyone that knows what they are doing.

Like the man/woman said, brains are mental little pieces of equipment. We don't know what's causing something or what will cure it, unless it's a physical problem. No-one can tell you for defnite if you're doing the right thing or the wrong thing, but I'd imagine that asserting yourself a bit isn't going to be harmful.

[Feral007]

I'm wondering if you don't need help as much as him. You are really not able to have much of a life yourself if you have to be everywhere he is and he won't go anywhere.
It sucks that the NHS has left him in the too hard basket, and you along with him.
It's very hard for you to be taking responsibility for his anxiety levels without some professional backup.
I think you've done the right thing by the sounds of it, and I'm sure you're very tuned in to his anxiety levels, but you shouldn't be under that pressure.
Will your partner stay with someone else?
Maybe it's time for you to say you're going outside/inside when you're at home. But also to ask someone else you both trust, to come and 'sit' with him while you go out on a regular basis.
Somewhere you can meet people, chat and relax.
If that is possible then it has two benefits. One - you get some time out and release from the pressure of worrying about someone else all the time. And two- he get's reminded that you are a separate person (who cares for him) but is not part of him. Does that make sense? It seems that he has included you in his anxiety bubble, therefore you have no control over what you do and where you go. I'm sure he's not doing it deliberately, but it may just make him think a little outside his safety zone - while still being safe. Just my thoughts, and I don't know the whole situation so could be all wrong.
Ali

[Jax]

He wont stay with anyone else, just me. I wish I could get more help for him/us but I have tried. I even had a local mp involved at one time. He takes no medication as had a bad time with benzodiazepines.

[Creemteez]

Agoraphobia Support Group

Have you tried anything like this, Jax? May not have all the answers but any port in storm, and just speaking to someone in the same boat....

[taff]

He wont stay with anyone else, just me. I wish I could get more help for him/us but I have tried. I even had a local mp involved at one time. He takes no medication as had a bad time with benzodiazepines.

you've become his safety blanket then?
maybe you could play the 'what's the worst that can happen' game. You know, you say maybe something could be attempted, whats the worst that can happen, whats the best that can happen, what do you think will happen, lets try it anyway and see where on the scale of whats the worst that can happen it was....

[Feral007]

I think you really do need to do something for yourself Jax. I understand it seems impossible to get out from under it all when he has become so reliant on you.
Maybe think of it as you would someone who has an alcohol problem? If you are always there for them it doesn't cause them to make the effort. And it is a big effort no matter what the problem is that someone is dealing with.
I'd be having a chat with him about how you need to get away yourself. And then maybe play the 'what's the worst/best that can happen' with him about it.
I think he needs to at least think about the concept that it is his problem not necessarily yours. I know you are very caring and you are so positive in your manner. But it must be a terrible strain when it's so constant. I'd be worried about what's happening to your own health.
Maybe instead of getting a dog and having him think he has to be responsible for it, he might need to think a little about how he is responsible for how you feel to some extent, same as you've been the one thinking about how he feels for so long?
If you get sick because of all the pressure, how is he going to cope then? Sorry I'm playing devil's advocate here.
As for the drugs, what did the mental health team say? I know some people who have had bad reactions to some drugs, but have had huge success with other drugs. Some people have problems with a lot of drugs.
I'm not usually a violent person but I do so want to give the NHS just a little slap right about now!
I would def get in touch with the support group, They probably have a support group for carers too. And that could be so much help for you yourself. {{Hugs}} Ali