Need to Let Off Steam....

[Pa Snips]

Hi Jules, I know first-hand how it feels to be in a situation like this...I say 'like this' because the circumstances were not the same...but I do know the feelings of despair and anguish that can come from not being able to take away the suffering of those we love. The one thing I learned from it was that if I did not take good care of myself then I would not be capable of taking good care of my wife, so as odd as it may sound...for his sake, you need to put yourself first.

Best wishes to you both and good luck.

[julesapple]

You lot are truly horrid - you've reduced me to tears several times today. I may have to make tissues out of thee Woode!

I LOVE YOU ALL xxxxx

[veggiechicken]

Hey, Lady Jules, keep your snotty nose off my wood - but I'll send you some Kleenex if it helps

[mothhawk]

Hope things improve for you Jules. It's good you've talked it through on here. Seeing your thoughts written down is a good way to clarify your feelings and emotions. As VC says, don't forget to look after yourself, too. (((Hugs)))

[Feral007]

What a time you've had! I agree with all the others - every single one. The thing I find with Dr's is that they learn how to fossick for information. But are a little lacking in how to deal with things after that. It's nice they try but.....
I agree that you need to take care of yourself. For starters all this stress is hard on you, and you also have some depression yourself. I don't know how the NHS works on this, I just know that around here you can be treating one person for depression assoc with a medical problem or not, and treating their partner for depression/anxiety assoc with the first person. It's just normal for the partner to be mega stressed and need support.

[julesapple]

This morning things seem a bit brighter. I'm not quite so hormonally charged and I'm taking my donkey tablets (Dong Quai) to help with that, and they are a natural anti-depressant. I'm also managing to put my usual coping strategies into place, when I struggled yesterday and everything was overwhelming.

Himself has remained inscrutably calm, carrying on as normal, and I think this is now rubbing off on me. If he is not overly worried, his message to me is not to worry either. I don't think he's covering anything up, he isn't nervy in any way, or lacking concentration. I'm watching him sneakily!

Last night he told me that he has read up on the B12 deficiency and he thinks that what has caused all of this. We have both concluded that all of the symptoms came on quite suddenly and all at the same time. This was about two months after the diabetes diagnosis and after we got his levels under control. I know he feels that he has taken charge of his diabetes now, it isn't the threat it used to be.

Another completely overwhelming thing is the support from everyone on this forum. I am so grateful for it that I cannot find adequate words - THANKS GUYS!!!

[Jax]

Jules, my OH had a b12 anemia. He still struggles with it from time to time as he has a poor diet (infact I think his levels are abit low now as he is exhibiting signs again but do they listen NOOOOO lol). The symptoms can be tricky but once they confirm it, it can be sorted out reasonably quickly. More Big Hugs and I am glad things are abit better today.

[Peas'n'Kews]

Jules, I have nothing new to offer except enormous e-hugs coming your way across the t'internet.

Oh, and maybe a potion of chamomile which thou might find calmest thee and soothes thine ill humours.

[Hilary B]

Seconding the hugs etc....
One comment from the original posting, he said he sometimes feels like lashing out at you "because you are closest" (or some similar phrase). What that often means is... it's not you he is feeling lash-outish about, you just happen to be there when he feels like that.
I think most of us have occasionally yelled at (or otherwise mistreated) those closest to us, simply because we feel the need to be obnoxious and there is only one person in range!
It's not nice, but it doesn't MEAN anything.

[julesapple]

Hilary, you're so right. I know he doesn't mean he wants to hurt me personally. It was still quite shocking to hear him say that as he is such a laid back person.

I think it's all this kerfuffle with his ESA claim that's stressing him out - life never seems to be on an even keel these days.

[cardiffsteve]

ESA is PITA. The hoops you have to jump through to get it.
Bloody Atos medical biased to get you off benefit.

[julesapple]

Bad patch this evening. One son needed collecting from a neighbouring village. The BH said he didn't need me with him, but he did need to get petrol. There's cash in my purse, I said, take that. Off he goes minutes later without the cash - he's completely forgotten about it - so they nearly break down on the way home. Thankfully most of the way home is down hill. When they get back this is suddenly my fault for not going with him. Yes, ok, I should have gone with you (actually I want to put his lights out, but smile instead) sit down now, supper is ready. After supper he's ok again, but that's the most het up I've seen him in years.

Ok, spill, why the flash of temper? It's because he's been thinking about being depressed and he thinks he might be depressed - the doctor obviously knows him better than he does. No, she doesn't, ten minutes with you means she might remember your name, but she doesn't know you at all. He's thinking himself around in ever decreasing circles. Do you think I'm going potty? No, I think you're very, very, short of Vit B12 and this can all be fixed.

Heaven only knows how I will cope if this is dementia. Let's not go there. I have a funny feeling that this snapping will increase in the next two weeks!

[snohare]

Just noticed this thread just now.
Depression, fatigue and memory problems come with just about every illness in the book. Memory problems because memory is so intimately associated with the immune system, fatigue because the body is operating less effectively while diverting resources to repair mechanisms, and depression because who the H*** is going to be happy about being ill !
So it is the pattern of these, in conjunction with other problems, that is diagnostic. I would expect that because there are so many neurological complications that are possible - you know what diabetes is like - you will only arrive at the correct answer by a process of trial and error. The NHS could take years...
As regards B12, for my sins I have somehow become well-read-up on this.
<Dons anorak>...
If your hubby has had a "low" reading for B12, this almost certainly means he is very low.
The Mayo Clinic in America did a study of patients several years back, using a questionnaire to see if they had the clinical signs of B12 deficiency, and then did the standard blood test for B12 levels.
What they found was that there was a gross mismatch between the diagnostic symptoms and clinical outcome, and diagnosis via blood tests; and that treating the patients who in theory according to the blood test had readings only on the low side of normal, resulted in very marked improvement of symptoms - which obviously is proof if there is any, that the blood test is inaccurate and not to be relied upon.
Why is this ? Supposedly the test was developed as a very rough and ready measure during the heyday of nutritional research in the 1930s, when Britain was in the forefront and discovered many of the vitamins. However the test was not designed to be used clinically, and the assessment scale was never calibrated using a large scale study as the Mayo recently did; the scale and the test were just used widely without any real assessment for effectiveness, and relied on blindly.
In the US B12 is widely given as an injection, fortnightly or monthly, but here in the UK the standard medical attitude tends to be that unless you are missing your colon (which makes B12 from food using something called "extrinsic factor", which is as yet unidentified and thus cannot be measured) you are not likely to need B12 supplementation.
The problem with that is that it's utter nonsense. First of all, the B12 given in the UK is often a form not absorbable in the gut without extrinsic factor: so if you are already short of B12, why bother giving a form that will not be absorbed by the gut ?!
Secondly, there is now a known link between blood sugar regulation and the colon, as signals go between there and the pancreas. (I could have told them that years ago, any time my colon gets ulcers my blood sugar goes haywire. Very immediate cause and effect.) Research Glucagon-like Peptide-1(GLP-1) and Peptide YY (PYY) if you want to know more, I think they come from the same area of cells.
Last of all, there are virtually no risks to taking extra vitamin B12, in any of its forms, unless you have an incredibly rare genetic condition which take my word for it you would already know about; and B12 is used in so many biological processes within the body (it's role is as a "brake" within cells) that given it's cheapness, it is foolish not to try it as a supplement just in case. Sadly, the NHS is still stuck in the 1950s on this matter, no drug companies are lobbying...
Of course my info may be out of date, the docs may be switched on and using improved tests and protocols, particularly given the enhanced resources diabetes management gets nowadays. But I'd say, beware.
So my recommendation to you is to make sure that whatever B12 you get is sublingual, or the drops form, which are absorbed via the mucus membranes in the mouth and gums. I use a single tiny tablet dissolved between the lip and the lower gum or under the tongue, first thing each day; 1000mg, 100 Solgar sublingual chewable nuggets for about £9. (Although I believe you can get it cheaper than that online. PM me if you need details.)
If I miss out for more than a day or two, I notice the difference in energy levels, and more particularly mental clarity; it becomes much less variable and more reliable after a while on B12. Here's hoping it does the same for your hubby...

[susieq100]

Jules - my OH was diagnosed with a meningioma in February - we are still waiting for surgery - they keep telling us he is moving closer to the top of the list, but his memory is definitely compromised. He has a tumour about the size of a walnut right at the front of his brain, behind his forehead. I noticed that he was forgetting things, specifically the names of objects, places, things he knew really well! It took a little while to get diagnosed because I too thought it was early onset Alzheimer's or something equally unpleasant. He has always looked after the household finances (largely because I go out and earn the money!) but he has been less able to do that of late. However, we are both being brave and positive about this ... for each other's sake. Thinking of you. Take care, it's hard I know, but you just have to keep on, keeping on.

[Jax]

No your not going potty. I would guess that his flash of temper is frustration. Unfortunately when the ones we love are hurting it comes out on us and visa versa we vent on them. No-one wants to hurt the ones we love but we all do it. It is a difficult situation for you both and I would guess abit like a pressure cooker. BIG HUGS