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Once upon a Grape - DIY Fiction

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  • .......... go all weak at the knees on seeing 007 in the flesh,get the smelling salts ready quickley miss penny .........
    sigpicAnother nutter ,wife,mother, nan and nanan,love my growing places,seed collection and sharing,also one of these

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    • "No need for smelling salts, Miss Penny " purred Mr Bond, "I have my own way of bringing a lady round" and he sauntered off in the direction of the church, leaving.........

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      • everyone wondering what in Gods name he meant..Finally the Vicar shouted after him, " What in God's name are you talking about?"
        But there would be no answer from Mr Bond, because as he turned to address the Vicar, a shot rang out and it wasn't the sound of bat to ball...Bond fell in a heap on the grass and everyone ran for...
        I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives....


        ...utterly nutterly
        sigpic

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        • .....cover as feathers floated down. Not Miss Penny though, she had seen it all before: she ran straight to blood-spattered Bond who still lay prone. Kneeling beside him, she gently lifted the dead pheasant from his head and.......

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          • Said.............BBQ do you think?

            Meanwhile a fight broke out when the ladies all wanted to do mouth to mouth on 007, and even when he sat up (with a pheasant feather stuck in his ear) they offered to wash him off........Well MoneyPenny put paid to those offers!

            In the distance they heard the bugle of the local hunt, and then a fox ran past..............well! Talk about lottie neighbours unite..........they beat off those horses and riders with tomato stakes, bird netting, and comfrey tea. The fox was hiding in the poly tunnel and smirking to himself!
            Ali

            My blog: feral007.com/countrylife/

            Some days it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints!

            One bit of old folklore wisdom says to plant tomatoes when the soil is warm enough to sit on with bare buttocks. In surburban areas, use the back of your wrist. Jackie French

            Member of the Eastern Branch of the Darn Under Nutter's Club

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            • First he scoffed some meticulously wrapped ham sandwiches (with homemade balsamic onion chutney - mmmm - delicious!) then, licking his furry chops, headed for the back corner of the polytunnel. A gentle furtle around revealed, as always, a secret stash of Mars bars. Grabbing a mouthful of Mars, he delicately filled in the hole, leaving no trace of his digging, and slunk out of the open doorway............

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              • Heaven help everyone when the Vicar finds his Mars bars are missing............there'll be no Good Words put in for anyone with Himself Above.
                That Vicar is a right nark when he's short of Mars bars.

                And Aggie will never get a decent burial after this!
                Luckily Vince had a Buddist Monk visiting at his house, so the day may yet be saved for Aggie (she's still dead isn't she?)
                Ali

                My blog: feral007.com/countrylife/

                Some days it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints!

                One bit of old folklore wisdom says to plant tomatoes when the soil is warm enough to sit on with bare buttocks. In surburban areas, use the back of your wrist. Jackie French

                Member of the Eastern Branch of the Darn Under Nutter's Club

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                • ...........well,what with all the recent goings on,aggie had been completly forgot about,however penny her sister arranged a visit to the parlar,in order to pay her respects ext,the vicar was accompanying her,he being a gentleman opened the door for her,as penny bent over her sister and lovingly/tenderly stroked aggies arm,it suddenly jerked well,they all 3 screamed out loud as realization struck home,the vicar fell to his knees.........
                  Last edited by lottie dolly; 06-08-2012, 01:32 PM.
                  sigpicAnother nutter ,wife,mother, nan and nanan,love my growing places,seed collection and sharing,also one of these

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                  • "It's ok", said the mortuary attendant, "that sometimes happens". Don't worry, she is definitely dead".
                    "Thank God for that" said the Vicar...." The last thing we need is....
                    Last edited by Tripmeup; 07-08-2012, 11:34 AM.
                    I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives....


                    ...utterly nutterly
                    sigpic

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                    • .... both twin sisters lusting after Mr Bond (or me for that matter!)" and he winked at the Attendant, who ..........

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                      • ... pressed the red button and started the coffin on its way into the little hatch of the cremitorium, they dont hang about when there's risk of blight you know. Inside the coffin Angie ran through the plot of You Only Live Twice one more time. As the hatch door slid closed behind the coffin and the flames began to build she kicked the false bottom off and slipped out where who should be waiting to help her but ...

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                        • the detective,said how brave she was to go through with his plans,she replied how good it was to be alive,but sorry for those who missed her,so aggie now goes into hidding,with a make over incuding new false teeth,and a hair dye,what was behind this idea...................






                          sorry,but this is a family forum,and therefore simly cannot kill peeps of
                          Last edited by lottie dolly; 06-08-2012, 03:25 PM.
                          sigpicAnother nutter ,wife,mother, nan and nanan,love my growing places,seed collection and sharing,also one of these

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                          • .......Quentin, or Q as he was known to his friends, from Plot 17.
                            "Well done Aggie or as you are now known Angie, here's your new passport, blond wig and sparkling white dentures. We have work to do.............

                            EDIT (Oops sorry Lottie we overlapped but with the same ideas!)
                            Last edited by veggiechicken; 06-08-2012, 03:06 PM.

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                            • .......said P & Q together,let us return to the village see if we get any ideas of what IS going on,meantime back down the lottie things are moving on,only the other day i overheard 2 plot holders discussing...............
                              sigpicAnother nutter ,wife,mother, nan and nanan,love my growing places,seed collection and sharing,also one of these

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                              • the 2012 Virtual Vine Show...and how many piccies they were going to take...
                                "Nicos, Queen of Gooooogle" and... GYO's own Miss Marple

                                Location....Normandy France

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