A day of very mixed emotions

[bramble]

My dear mother celebrated her 95th birthday today.
A great age of course but for us three daughters it was a sad day.
My mother has been in a nursing home for the past 5 years and for three of those she doesn't know us, or where she is. She has really bad dementia.
We were of course glad to have her with us but sad for the fact that she didn't know the great milestone she had achieved.

[veggiechicken]

My Nana had dementia too and it was so difficult sometimes. You feel you have to mark occasions like birthdays but there's no real joy in it, for anyone.

[Feral007]

Very sad. Hugs

[VirginVegGrower]

We spent a day like this with my nan in January, 92 - now late stage dementia. Not funny is it! My mum still cares for her at home and I help out.
Remember the good days

[out in the cold]

My aunt has dementia. Without boring you with family history, she brought my mum up from a young age after their mother passed away, so is much more like my gran.

We went back home to visit her during the easter holidays and found it an extremely uncomfortable visit. Unfortunately she no longer communicates at all well and as we have been living outside the area for about a year and a half, I got the distinct impression that I was a total stranger to her, despite having seen her every other day during the majority of my life.

I can fully sympathise with how you must be feeling. It is extremely hard to cope with this whole situation.

[Glutton4...]

Big ((HUGS)) Bramble. I have a friend whose Mother has dementia. Very very difficult for all concerned. I won't add the rest of what I'm thinking about quality of life, and all that, as I know not everyone has the same beliefs, but I know that it is so very very hard for anyone in that situation.

[Florence Fennel]

Hugs from me too Bramble. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's a few years before she died aged 86. I tried to care for her, but my children were young and I couldn't cope with her condition, so she had to go to live in a nursing home. Although she didn't know any of the family (I am the youngest of her nine children) she seemed happy in herself and would often smile and laugh with us, she was in no pain and had no worries. I do hope your mum is the same.

[Verinda]

Hugs from me too. My uncle and aunt both have alzheimer's and it's really tough for their children. Its just such an unfair and cruel condition its hard to find words of comfort, but I hope that your mum does have some good days.

[julesapple]

Bramble, you have my sympathy.

My Nan has been gone nearly ten years - she was almost 94 - but had been in a care home for about six years. She thought it was a hotel. Some days she thought she worked there, and other days she thought she was on a particularly boring holiday.

She didn't recognise many people, but always recognised my step-grandfather and my mother. We would say to her we were Mum's children and I think she sort of knew then - although any references to my sister or I were usually addressed as if we were children (I think she remembered us as kids, not as grown ups) and she often thought my brother was my father as a young man. But she was quite happy most of the time.

We lost my step-grandfather to dementia too - just a few years after my Nan, even though he was 20 odd years younger. His was vascular dementia, he suffered mini strokes owing to being a heavy smoker which wrecked his circulation. He was not a very nice man until he got dementia. The last two years before he died were the best ones, out of the 40 years I knew him, because he forgot to be the horrible person he had been. But he did love my Nan and he suffered terribly, from guilt, when she went into a home. Bless him, he couldn't have managed her.

Nothing we can say or do can make you feel better about your Mum. I wish we could. But you're not alone and none of it is your fault. It is just desperately sad for you & yours at this time.

((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))

[bramble]

Thanks so much to all you lovelypeople who gave me words of comfort.
She has suffered an awful lot of anger and very aggressive behavor in the first 3 years or so, but in the last two years she seems to have become a little calmer.
Yes, its an awful situation, and as some of you have said you could question why God leaves her here when she has no quality of life.
We visit three times a week and often wonder where and when it will all end.
Its the most cruel disease as it robs the family and the person suffering it of all there memories and personality.

[Bigmallly]

I see it everyday at work Bramble, it must be heartbreaking being with a loved one who does not even recognise you. I can only imagine how it must feel..................

[Tripmeup]

Mixed emotions is right Bramble... As everyone says, remember the good times...