Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Economic models

Collapse

X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Economic models

    Anyone with a vague interest in economics/marketing:

    Economic Models explained with Cows- 2007 update

    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbour.

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.

    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

    You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving youwith nine cows.

    No balance sheet provided with the release.

    The public then buys your bull.


    THE ANDERSEN MODEL
    You have two cows.
    You shred them.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.


    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

    You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive.

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
    A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

    BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

    Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


    What would Vedder do?

  • #2
    Good one I like it
    Last edited by beefy; 21-05-2007, 05:53 PM.
    There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it in your future.

    Comment


    • #3
      PMSL Thanks Wayne dear...

      Comment


      • #4
        CAPILIST you have 2 cows & lend out 10 ofthem & charge 10% interest on them
        The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years.
        Brian Clough

        Comment


        • #5
          Nice one Hey Wayne. I think all of the statements are true - wouldn't be funny if they weren't. Which one would you advocate ?

          From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.

          Comment


          • #6
            Updated ???

            Seen it before, BUT a thought occurs.

            Blairism.
            You have two cows.
            You harness one to the plough and sell its byre for £1.50 to a PFI Venture Capitalist company owned by someone you went to college with, who rent the byre back to the cow at inflation plus 25% while you pay the cow national minimum wage to plough the entire farm including its grazing and hay making fields.
            You employ the other cow as a management consultant to your farming business at £500 per day and one page of advice per year.
            The first cow drops dead from overwork and underfeeding. and you sell it to a pie maker for £0.25.
            The second cow then presents a multimedia presentation from the millenium dome where it explains that the farm is in a far better financial state than when it took over, that anything wrong is the fault of the chickens and that its legacy is a new improved form of dairy farming where the new virtual cows actually live in Xingchou and the farm is redeveloped as a supercasiono with 25,000 flats built around it and one token three foot square patch of grass called "The Olde Hayfield", which residents will be charged an extra £2,000 in council tax on their flats if they can actually see it out of one of their windows. Which of course they all can because you had it designed that way.

            Brownism.
            Just the same, except you tell people that you are going to do it first and charge them to watch you do it.

            Cameronism.
            I say, what's a cow?
            Always thank people who have helped you immediately, as they may not be around to thank later.
            Visit my blog at http://podsplot.blogspot.com/ - Updated 18th October 2009
            I support http://www.hearingdogs.org.uk/

            Comment


            • #7
              Cameronism.
              I say, what's a cow?
              Patricia Hewitt? Oops Thats sexists
              The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years.
              Brian Clough

              Comment

              Latest Topics

              Collapse

              Recent Blog Posts

              Collapse
              Working...
              X