how do you pick yourself back up

[shirlthegirl43]

((hugs))

Take out the frustration while digging - constructive use of negative emotions.

[lottie dolly]

Hi darcy welcome back,is it just the lottie,or do we have other things going on,if its the lottie,then as others have said,don't look at the whole plot,take a little at a time,i would suggest the easiest first,can you not take the family up,for a few hours out,with a picknick,just chill out get a feel for things,you have done a lot so far,i felt like you last year,so i used the time to reoganise the plots,even taking on another 1/2,it geed me up knowing i had a head start on this year,also,get some over winter onions and garlic,sow into trays to get the roots going,whilst you dig a bit of ground over,what i did was,the ground not being use was,cleared of the top growth,use a spade,simply turn the sod over and leave the ground in chunks,the area was used for brassicas this year,and was good,cover up with what ever is suitable,I have been the same as you recently,and will no doubt be again,after all,it HAS to be a pleasure,NOT a nuisance,i am starting to come out the better end today,and not for gardening reasons,some times we all need to adjust ourself's,before we can move on, all the best young man,

OH Darcy,so sorry for your loss,thankyou for sharing,we now understand where your coming from,sounds like you have an amazing wife,huggs to you all,

[marchogaeth]

I started with my poly tunnel to keep me sane when life was tough due to something I had no control over. This year was rubbish at times, too. My dad died and I had to go away quite a lot, whenever I came back it looked awful.

There's a saying isn't there "If you can see the weeds it's too late" well I can tell you "If you can't see the plants it's still not too late!"

I don't want to sound preachy but as my OH pointed out we aren't dependant on the garden to survive; it's brilliant when it's good but I had to admit defeat and pull cardboard over beds last winter because it was too wet to do anything. I've still got one bed under cardboard because of everything that happened this year but people are still amazed by what I have produced when I have enough to share. Some of our greatest fits of laughter go with odd shaped or incy wincy veg that takes longer to prepare than eat.

Maybe like Vince says, you aren't going to get much sympathy but we do feel your pain; it's just pick yourself up time - your wife and kids were there for you - pay back time, do it for them. Find your inner sergeant major Darcy and take up some of the offers of help. (()).

[Samurailord]

Jcb?

More like TNT I would suggest

[darcyvuqua]

Harvested this today and stripped one greenhouse of all tomatoes made loads and loads of tomato sauce which it now in the freezer I froze all my green tomatoes for a later project

Harvested a few courgettes too gonna have another few hours up there tomorrow did feel a lot better after

I've not found motivation or my mojo but if I plod on it will creep back to me

Thanks guys


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[zazen999]

Talk nicely to Mikey and he may make you some of his special Welsh cakes

How nice exactly? I love Welsh Cakes.

Darcy, don't worry about it for now, it will still be there next spring. Winter does what winter does; if you do pop down to clear your head meantime then great but if not, it will wait for you.

[darcyvuqua]

Thanks zaz I just needed alone time today no phone nothing just got lost in the moment and it felt really nice


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[mothhawk]

Mate, digging is probably one of the best things you can go and do. The fresh air is great for clearing the head, and the closeness to the earth help rebalance your thoughts, it won't take the hurt away but it will give you a better perspective on things.

Take it easy big guy.

Hi darcy, good to have you back here again. So sorry about your father. Our parents cast long shadows over our lives. We come to expect that they will always be with us, always ahead of us, and then they go, and with their going we are no longer children.

But Mikey's right. Harvest what you've got, take a spade and go dig a bit. It will give you time and peace with your thoughts, space to think things through.

[Mikey]

How nice exactly? I love Welsh Cakes.

There is a queue for the Welsh cakes around here, so it might take a while Zaz!!!, I have orders pending for the littleun's lunch box, wife wants some for one of her friends in work (she cried the last time I made them, they reminded her of her mother!) and I did promise to enter them in this years horticultural show, but that might just have to wait for another year as I'm also in the middle of....

Cooking some elderberries I picked this morning, I've also got Damson and Blackberry Jam on the go, Elderberry Syrup and Rosehip Syrup, and Sloe Gin from the sloes I've got in the freezer from a couple of days ago. Who says men can't multitask......




!!!!!!!!!! watch out, please mind the broom.

[Feral007]

Well Mikey I'll just have to put up with the sloe gin instead of welsh cakes by the sounds of it!

Darcy, I second the digging to get rid of feelings about people. I find after I've mattocked a big patch of African Hategrass I always feel much less resentful about someone else's behaviour.
Sorry to hear about your father. I've planted two grape vines in the garden in honour of my Dad. He wouldn't have planted the ornamental one, but still

Sounds like your family was happy to let you do the work of organising, but maybe they don't like themselves much for letting you do it. It's how families can be sometimes.

[taff]

Thanks zaz I just needed alone time today no phone nothing just got lost in the moment and it felt really nice

see? didn't take you long to find it again.....poo happens, then we get back on the horse eventually...

[lottie dolly]

Thanks zaz I just needed alone time today no phone nothing just got lost in the moment and it felt really nice


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See,the power of the vine family works again,little steps slowly,go further than a 1 off marathon,you must allow yourself and the rest of the family to grieve,then the steps forwards will come automatically,

[Dorothy rouse]

how do you pick yourself back up

thanks guys i have gone through my chillies still a couple of plants still going ok, chopped a few back and binned a few did this all until around 3 this morning!

my plot will be tackled little by little and sow green manures!

i lost my dad two weeks ago and arranged his funeral but as i know life goes on and need to snap out of wallowing in self pity and remember what joy my plot brought before this!

i organised everhthing for my dad and had no support from my family apart from my amazing wife and kids of course i paid for everything and now being ignored by my sister and abbusive texts from my mum i just feel so alone and the thought of digging with this mind frame is slightly off putting

however onward and upward :-|

I don't think you are wallowing in self pity, it's grief, and will take time, it's a process that you have to work through. Don't push yourself too hard. It s sad that part of your family are treating you the way they are. Spend time with your wife and your children, doing something you can enjoy together.

You may find that in a couple of weeks you actually do feel like getting out there and digging, which might help get rid of some of your feelings of stress, upset. Will your children help, or are they too little ? A little bribe maybe? A little bit of fun ( am thinking of a bonfire), but that might not be allowed on your plots,or just an autumn picnic?

Easy to say concentrate on the positives, rather than the negatives I know not easy, cos we are not in your shoes, but do try. Things will get better, take care.


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[Inastate]

Nothing like friends & a few cans to get you through this

[darcyvuqua]

Another two hours up allotment just harvesting but must admit it does feel good for the soul giving it a miss tomorrow as I have to go and clear my dad's place which I'm not looking forward to at all


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