Should I stay or should I go?

[out in the cold]

Hi Ancee, hope you are having a great weekend and the wee un is feeling better.

[zazen999]

Hi ancee.

Just popped in for a seed circle post but couldn't help but seeing this thread.

Yes, definitely start looking for something else, document everything you do in a diary or workbook, keep emails and other evidence to back yourself up and if the manager says that sort of stuff again, reflect it back to them that they are knowingly employing someone that behaves like that and just to be aware that they have a duty of care towards you as an employee and leave it at that.

However, the myth that employers have to provide references is false. Employers are not legally bound to provide references in any way, shape or form. They are legally bound to provide a contract but this cannot be a reason for taking them to a tribunal, it can only be added to a tribunal as evidence. Often they get around the contract thing by stating [correctly] that your initial offer letter stating wage, hours etc is your contract and the additional terms and conditions are covered by policy; and if they haven't got policies then the government/ACAS [minimum] policies are used instead. Employers always have a get-out unless you can prove otherwise.

And these days, to take anyone to a tribunal you need clear evidence, and legal testimonies that state you are more than 51% likely to win. For this you need evidence. So make sure that you document everything. It will help you get through it whilst you are looking for another job.

If you are brave enough, make sure she knows you are keeping evidence. Screen captures, photos of notes left for you, print out of emails; even get your diary out, lick your pencil and ask 'How exactly are you spelling '$�@ing $�@%�' and if she asks what you are doing say 'I have been advised to document every incident of bullying'. And never say who has advised you. It's amazing what happens when people know you are keeping all evidence of bullying.

[Nicos]

The unfortunate side to what Zaz suggests is that you may need to keep quiet for a little while so the bullying continues and you can gather your evidence...it may help to persuade them at least to give you a factual reference?
Not a nice situation to be in...and very, very stressful.

Personally I'd plan on walking and try and move on mentally.
Your respect for them is clearly zero now- so you wouldn't want to stay a moment longer than you can afford to surely??

[AllInContainers]

If she left would you want to stay?

Sounds to me that despite being the bosses wife's friend, she would be a big problem for the company that the boss couldn't ignore if she wasn't getting the support and cover from you and your other colleagues. Left to sort out her chaos, errors and mistakes on her own, and all the silly tantrums and other nonsense that would pursue, it would soon become HER position that is untenable, and I have seen these bullies storm out of the situation when their techniques stop working/backfire leaving the rest free to do what they should be doing in the right manner. However this would require both you and the other two to adopt a strong "you broke it, you fix it" attitude, and leave her to dig herself into a deeper and deeper mess.

In the meantime, I'd start looking for pastures new - but don't walk out until your sure you would be going somewhere that is genuinely better for you. Good luck

[Glutton4...]

Give her enough rope...

[minskey]

Don't quit, don't back down and stick to your guns. You have done nothing wrong, as for her; well I believe what goes around comes around.

You carry on and go to work as usual, she'll be smarming for your help again in no time.

If, and its only and "if" the boss decides to sack you [even he can't be that stupid], you make very sure you take him and his company to the cleaners!!!

[Nicos]

I love to see both sides of stay/go advice....it really does depend on if you have the confidence/enjoy a fight!


With this lot behind me I'd be prepared to give it a fight....

yup- that was a U turn!!

On reflection- the most important thing you need to consider is that you have given more than your all and you should feel confident that it is HER who took the wrong decisions.
If you think you ever gave her the wrong advice...that's her problem as she was the one to make the final decision considering all the advice/research at her fingertips

xx

[ancee]

Today I was the most quiet I have ever been at work in my whole life! - Not that I am a chatterbox by the way. I was civil, but I only spoke if I needed to tell anybody anything or ask a question. Other than that I kept schtum.
It's been a long day. She has spoken to me a couple of times and tried to include me in `funny' tales.
I haven't been rude, but got out of conversations as soon as I could without seeming rude.
I've been busy anyway, as I had Friday, Saturday and Sundays work to do. As well as everything that came in today.
I'm just thinking, keep your head down, you're only here for the money, at least you're not breaking rocks in the sun!
My boss is a p*****k - fill in here what you find appropriate! He won't change, she won't be going anywhere, they are as thick as thieves!
Found out today that his wife is pregnant and won't be back in the office, which is another blow as she was so much better to work for and with. So I now have the pleasure of pinky and perky for the foreseeable future
Why me God? Clearly I was evil in a former life!
Zazzen - I had a feeling about references, not pleased that I was right!

[RedThorn]

You still can put your work in there so you won't have a gap in your CV

[Incy]

I don't think you need worry too much about references Ancee.
I'd be surprised if they wouldn't at least confirm you worked for them with dates but in any case a colleague can provide a 'personal' as opposed to 'company' reference so if you get on fine with the other two in the office and references do become a problem you could perhaps ask one of them.
A personal reference from someone outside of work who has known you for a reasonable length of time is generally also acceptable.
In any case, good luck with it all.

[Mikey]

Small companies are hard to work for I know!!, as office politics are often difficult to avoid. Individuals can make your life very difficult if they are spiteful enough to choose to, so for the time being I would advise going on the charm offensive (even if it makes your flesh crawl).

Whether you chose to stay or go long term it could take you some time to achieve it. So be overly nice as though you are best friends, she'll think the problems have blown over and if she asks you to help with something (get her out of a hole) say you're not sure how to resolve it (act stereo-typically blonde) and refer it to the boss 'so and so is having a problem with this could you suggest how she sorts it?' You appear helpful while not actually helping at all. If he can't help and its wasting time you can always interject after an appropriate time I wonder if trying this might help.... you appear brilliant, helpful and she looks like a numpty.

Do keep a diary, notes etc as at sometime in the future it will kick off again, but you'll find its always easier working in an environment where others aren't guarded around you. You can't survive very long like that.

Good luck Ancee, deep breath count to ten and grit your teeth, but don't grind that can look a little mad!!!

[ancee]

Have you been looking in the window Mikey? Gritting my teeth - It's not an inane grin! I am trying to be friendly and civil, you are right. It's better to pretend that all is well, than carry it on. I've been burned, so have learned a hard lesson. I actually AM brilliant and helpful - so I don't have to pretend lol! (Modest also a strong point!)
This is a means to an end this job, I'm saving hard - for better things, just need to keep my head down and get paid every week!

[ancee]

Just a quick update. I left my job this morning. I've been to the doctors and after blubbering my eyes out to him - (no idea where it all came from, once it started I couldn't stop). He was very compassionate and didn't think I was a mental or anything. I realised that I couldn't go on like this. I didn't put in a sick note in, on the pretence that I was going back. I left. I have no contract and so am not obliged to give notice. I am now in a state of shock and am home with the dogs and a large cup of coffee. Feel like I'm `twagging' it (or skipping school for those who don't know Yorkshire speak).
No idea what I'm going to do, but feel like I can finally breathe out, as it feels like I've been holding my breath for months now.

[Feral007]

Glad to hear you're free. Hope all goes well for you, but could hardly be much worse if you felt that bad.

[AllInContainers]

Agreed! You're out of it now, so you can mend and start moving forward with your life. Good for you, for taking the leap.

All the best for the future, and I hope you end up in a happier place very soon