Tear your hair out.

[Potstubsdustbins]

4-55pm today.

Phone rings "Hello this is Colin" "Is that Colin?" "Yes sir how can I help"

"One of your chaps serviced my boiler last year and its stopped working, he told me not to switch it off at the mains and just use the boiler controls. I switched it off and now it won't come back on."

"What make of boiler sir?" "Its a **** **** 30." "Ah a combination boiler, has your system pressure dropped?" "I don't know, when I switch it on it reads zero bar." "That's its sir you need to top up the system pressure and press the reset button."

"Your man put me a new filling loop in and showed me how to do that." "OK sir what I want you to do first is turn on both black taps until the gauge reads 1.2 bar and then turn them both fully off.

I hear the sound of water and in the back ground the wife screams "Oh my god there's water everywhere, get cloth's and a bucket." This is followed by sounds of a general panic with me shouting down the phone "Turn the bladdy taps off!!"

A few minutes later "Colin, are you still there?" "Yes sir, has the water stopped." "Yes, the wife's mopping up." "Can you see where the water came from?" Yes it came from the pipes where I .................. took the radiator off last week, ........................ Colin are you still there?"

Well I will be when I pick myself up of the floor.

[AllInContainers]

Fantastic!

[snohare]

Dare I say it...this sounds like a man destined for great political office...!

[Feral007]

'e didn't wear a funny beret, did he?

Some mothers do have em.

[ancee]

Oh bless you x

[Bigmallly]

Hope you went to his rescue Potty...................

[veggiechicken]

Hope you went to his rescue Potty...................

Imtroducung Mr Pots, Mr Tubs and Mr Dustbins

[Potstubsdustbins]

My chap attended today to sort things out. But the property owner couldn't understand why he was having giggling fits. I will not relate the exact conversation here, lets just say my man had to keep retreating to his van to hide his mirth.

I do so love working with the public, there's always a giggle just around the corner.

[Mikey]

I remember my father coming to help me when I was rebuilding my last house. In the morning he drilled through the cooker cable causing me several hours of work digging it back out of the wall. He then decided he'd paint the hallway. I popped out to pick up some bits to put right his earlier escapades and said as I was leaving "I'll be about 5 minutes dad, do you need anything before I go", "No, all good".

When I came back in the door a few minutes later, my father was sat on the floor with a radiator on top of him water gushing all over my oak flooring. When I finally sorted it all out I asked him what happened to which he replied. "Well I pulled the radiator off so I could paint behind it and it collapsed on the floor". He was used to being able to suspend his radiators on his knees and the 15mm pipework, something my microbore was not capable of.

These days I keep him well away from electrics and water, but that doesn't stop him being dangerous.

[Bigmallly]

I'd be tempted to keep him away from the house................

[Plot10]

I do so love working with the public, there's always a giggle just around the corner.

I worked in Housing for many years and I can well believe this.

"I need a repair urgently, it's an emergency. The kitchen drawer is broken and my toddler is playing with the knives"! -
So take the cutlery out and put it somewhere safe

"Thanks for your e-mail, I'm currently in Brazil so won't be there for the PAT test. Oh by the way, just before I left I thought I smelt gas, I think there could be a leak"
And you were going to tell us when? Before or after the electrician blew himself to bits?

"All my lights have gone out" -
Have you tried re-setting the breaker on the consumer unit (that's the white box with the row of red switches - it's in the hall cupboard)
Phones back " I've looked in the cupboard, I don't have one of those"
That's odd, I'm sure I saw one before you moved in, I'll get an electrician to check it out..
The electrician reports back - There was a consumer unit, I had just neglected to tell the tenant to open the cover.

I could go on, and on - Sigh

[zebedee]

Supposedly a true story from the radio. A farmer in Cumberland complained that his sheep were eating the salty grit from the piles the local council put out ready to spread on the icy roads. So the council, in their infinite wisdom.....

put up signs saying SHEEP MUST NOT EAT GRIT!

I had visions of all these sheep going and reading the signs, and saying to one another "oh, b****r! Back to the grass then, lads!"

[DannyRam]

I was completing a questionnaire re a chaps health,(I used to sell insurance (Hey that doesn't make me a bad bloke!!)) We got to the parents bit. He couldn't remember what his father had died from. After a few moments he replied. "No, sorry, I just can't remember. I know it wasn't anything serious"

[Bill HH]

I saw on tv recently about an American woman ringing 911, when asked what the emergency was she said "I can't remember my computer password!!!

[Potstubsdustbins]

Winter 2013 was a cracker.

A lady tenant reported to the agency her gas fire was burning yellow, at their request I rang her.

"Hello its the gas engineer you have a problem with your gas fire?" ............... "Yes its burning a funny colour and there is soot on the white bits!" ................. "OK my love I want you to turn it off now and open a window, we will be there in about an hour, don't forget turn it off now!!"

Just over an hour later we knock on the door, my man looking through the window says "Bladdy fires still on".............. Woman answers door with a red face, my glasses mist up and the CO detector starts to scream whilst we are still stood at the door. ..............It took a paramedic to convince her she was suffering with CO poisoning and needed hospital treatment.

But at least she wasn't cold........... but an hour later she would have been very cold.

And the number of times you get "I think I can smell gas what should I do".......... FFS turn the bladdy gas off and ring 0800111999