Wedding gift etiquette

[Patchninja]

I think the idea of asking for money in the invitation is plain horrible. There should be a list available for guests who ask what they should get, and if money is an option the that's ok. But, lists should always have very cheap options for guests who can't afford much.
Send them £10 and have done with it

[Raybon]

Hope a Honeymoon might be a fond memory!

[Bren In Pots]

I still have an unused stainless steel teapot, sugar basin and milk jug in the attic that was a "wedding present". Would anyone like it?

Our stainless steel tea pot is the one we take camping, the rest of the set ended up as sand pit toys.

[Shadylane]

I agree that it's cheeky and pretty rude to send a list with your bank details. We didn't ask for anything when we got married, but if people asked us we said we weren't asking for anything, but if they wanted they could get us vouchers for Meadowhell. Putting a gift list in is one thing but asking directly for money just seems wrong. I remember someone bought us a goat - not for us obviously but for a family in a developing country, which was a good idea I thought.

[kathycam]

I think thats pretty normal these days. And better your gift to something useful, rather than something that sits at the back of the cupboard. When people ask me what I want for christmas and I have no clue or can't think of anything cheap, I just say money and I let them know what I spend it on.

How about a token amount of money and then a basket of your best home grown?

[Nicos]

One year I bought some friends who had just got married a 'welcome home from honeymoon supper'...and left it in their fridge

Steak, champers, veg and a luxury pud
They were really chuffed with it.

( I'm not so sure they were so happy with all the confetti I chucked everywhere though...they were still finding it in their boots, coat pockets, handbags, car...you name it...literally years after their wedding!!!)

..well - for goodness sake - if you leave your house keys with your neighbour (who is also a friend), what do you expect????

[Knight of Albion]

I've received 2 wedding invitations this month, from nieces (of different brothers). I was rather surprised to see that both had blatantly (to my mind) requested money as a gift, one wanting the cash in the currency of the country where the honeymoon is to be, the other simply offering an account number and sort code. These requests were printed as part of the invitation, so presumably would go to family and friends alike.

Is this the done thing nowadays? Am I being old-fashioned in being, well, a bit shocked at such obvious commercialism? Admittedly, one of the nieces is in her thirties and has a 7yo son, the other is late twenties.

What do other grapes think?

An expensive business setting up home together. And lack of money can put a strain on any relationship.
Besides, it's the world today ...
So you had better play along for the sake of harmony.

It will help them and it does make more sense than chancing your arm getting them a gift they may not like. A tricky game trying to second guess someone else's tastes.

[Tripmeup]

I know when I got married (not so long ago) that we didnt ask for anything or specify anything, but the majority of people gave money as gifts..I think people recognize the cost of weddings these days

[lottie dolly]

get them or grow them,some plants ext,for the new garden,or nice house plant for inside,or owe them a tub with bulbs in for the apropriate time,i did for a friend,it worked brilliant,same goes for any time that special gift is needed,rose bushes with apropriate names ext,

[Plot10]

I agree with others that money or vouchers are more practical nowadays but to ask for money IN THE INVITATION is incredibly rude, especially for what's essentially a holiday as wedding gifts are meant to be for setting up home and for the future.

I think it's entirely up to the giver what to give and how much to spend. How much do you like your neices? If you're not entirely happy with the money, how about a Premium Bond (though I think the minimum is now £100) or a Gift Certificate.

If you think they need a lesson, how about a nominal amount for the honeymoon and then lumber them with some hideous charity shop vase and claim it's a family heirloom that you hate to part with but you're sure they'll love every bit as much as you have.

Or a card of supermarket savings stamps - they'll need it after the expensive honeymoon

[Nicos]

Interesting to see how many different perceptions there are on this!!!

[chris]

We've had a few like it - but more so along the lines of we don't need anything, yada yada but if you would like to buy anything then a token amount of money to put towards our honeymoon would be appreicated

Or something along those lines!

[mothhawk]

I agree with others that money or vouchers are more practical nowadays but to ask for money IN THE INVITATION is incredibly rude, especially for what's essentially a holiday as wedding gifts are meant to be for setting up home and for the future.

I think it's entirely up to the giver what to give and how much to spend. How much do you like your neices? If you're not entirely happy with the money, how about a Premium Bond (though I think the minimum is now £100) or a Gift Certificate.

If you think they need a lesson, how about a nominal amount for the honeymoon and then lumber them with some hideous charity shop vase and claim it's a family heirloom that you hate to part with but you're sure they'll love every bit as much as you have.

Or a card of supermarket savings stamps - they'll need it after the expensive honeymoon

It's not that I mind giving them money if that's what they want. I'm very pleased not to have to trail around the shops (not a natural born shopper, me). I think I just wanted reassurance that this is how it's done these days. It was partly due to the fact that the request was inside both invitations themselves that made it seem a tad mercenary. My very first reaction was, oh, I'm paying for a ticket to the reception then.

Anyway, foreign currency is on order for one, and electronic cash winging its way along the wires to the other.

Of course, if they split up after a year, no arguing over who gave what to whom either. Win-win I guess?

[mothhawk]

Hope a Honeymoon might be a fond memory!

Yes, but not of the people giving money so they can have the time of their lives though.

[Florence Fennel]

I'd be really tempted to put a lucky dip lottery ticket in their wedding cards MH