Wedding gift etiquette

[mothhawk]

I've received 2 wedding invitations this month, from nieces (of different brothers). I was rather surprised to see that both had blatantly (to my mind) requested money as a gift, one wanting the cash in the currency of the country where the honeymoon is to be, the other simply offering an account number and sort code. These requests were printed as part of the invitation, so presumably would go to family and friends alike.

Is this the done thing nowadays? Am I being old-fashioned in being, well, a bit shocked at such obvious commercialism? Admittedly, one of the nieces is in her thirties and has a 7yo son, the other is late twenties.

What do other grapes think?

[Scarlet]

Is this the done thing nowadays? Am I being old-fashioned in being, well, a bit shocked at such obvious commercialism?

I had a similar invite last year. Money towards equipment for a home gym as they were already living together. I didn't like it but it did save the hassle of going out and getting a present and there was no expense of petrol for travel to get it,parking, wrapping etc.
though it just didn't feel "right".

[Bigmallly]

Well it saves wracking your brain for a gift & there's only so many things you can do with 4 toasters.............like erm, make toast........

[Bren In Pots]

I think its a good idea with more people setting up home before getting married it makes sense.
My niece did the same thing, they had already bought their house and been living in it for 2 years so they asked for money towards their dream honeymoon.

[bearded bloke]

Yep,been there had them,sadly it does seem to be the current trend
Call me cynical if you like,but it seems to me that weddings these days are more about how much the day costs rather than the meaning of the day

[bramble]

I think its very cheeky. I have never received an invitation like this. I would be very tempted to "do your own thing" regarding wedding gifts.

[Veggielot]

My grandson is getting married in a couple of months and they have asked for money as well. They have already bought a house and have most things they want. I suppose it is better than getting 6 toasters or something similar.

[mothhawk]

I think its a good idea with more people setting up home before getting married it makes sense.
My niece did the same thing, they had already bought their house and been living in it for 2 years so they asked for money towards their dream honeymoon.

Yes, both couples have been living together for several years, and Scarlet is right that it does save on the hassle of deciding going to town/internet, buying, then having the thing returned to the store within the week.

Well it saves wracking your brain for a gift & there's only so many things you can do with 4 toasters.............like erm, make toast........

If you turn a toaster on its side you can make cheese on toast but yes, 4 is 3 too many.

It certainly does seem all about cost, BB. Maybe I should forego a new outfit, turn up in jeans, and donate the price of a new dress to their "fund" as well as a monetary gift.

It's a bit sad. My mum (96 and married in 1940) still has items such as cut glass, and picture frames and a biscuit barrel that bring back memories for her, because they were wedding gifts, and she remembers with pleasure the people who gave them. My nieces will have no such fond memories.

Sigh...how times change.

[veggiechicken]

Fortunately, nobody invites me to weddings now but the last one (son of an old friend) didn't ask for anything - I had to ask them what they would like! Guess what they said........................money
To be honest, I can understand that as most couples have so much these days - they're not starting from scratch as we used to. I still have an unused stainless steel teapot, sugar basin and milk jug in the attic that was a "wedding present". Would anyone like it?

[Scarlet]

My unused gift is a picnic hamper, a very nice one - wicker basket complete with a set if wine glasses. I'm just happier with my little stack of plastic plates!

[Greenleaves]

Fortunately, nobody invites me to weddings now but the last one (son of an old friend) didn't ask for anything - I had to ask them what they would like! Guess what they said........................money
To be honest, I can understand that as most couples have so much these days - they're not starting from scratch as we used to. I still have an unused stainless steel teapot, sugar basin and milk jug in the attic that was a "wedding present". Would anyone like it?

Stainless steel teapot, sugar bowl and milk jug for free, let me think........er, no ta!

[veggiechicken]

I seem to remember thinking the same thing when I unwrapped it

[noviceveggrower]

When me and OH got wed we asked that if people could afford it for Argos vouchers. We had a short engagement as we were on borrowed time with my OH mom was terminally ill with cancer. My OH also had a place of his own so had everything.
Bit sad just asking for money. But that's the way the world is going I think. When we lived in Scotland we knew a girl that was getting married. On her wedding list was a dish washer, washing machine and a load of other white goods.
I remember my great grandmother telling me when she turned 18 she started off a bottom drawer ready for when she got married. Think she had bedding and basic household stuff in it.

[Alison]

I think to ask for any form of gift when you send out an invitation is just downright rude and this is true for actual gifts or hard cash. It is however different if the bride or groom are asked by people as they have made no expectation of their guests. In cases like that I don't mind giving money or vouchers or specific items. The only exception to this would be where they suggest charity gifts as that is clearly not selfish. Somebody I know got married for the second time a few years ago and included a beautiful poem with the invitation about wanting our presence not our presents but if we wanted to give then we should give to somebody of greater need than them as they were blessed to have each other. They then suggested a couple of charities which meant something to them and I didn't hear of anybody having any problems with that approach. In contrast we were invited to another wedding where the invitation was followed by a list being sent to us on email and in the post itemising 2 totally separate gift lists and providing bank details to put money straight into. As if that wasn't rude enough we hadn't requested a gift as we'd already promised to do something specific towards the event as our gift. Came over totally materialistic and nothing to do with marriage.


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[WendyC]

I don't like the idea of asking for money. Equally I don't like the present lists where you go online and can buy three tea plates or some such like. We always buy what we want to give. When we got married we sent a gift list to those who asked for it, not with the invite.