Wedding gift etiquette

[gardening_gal]

I was brought up to believe it was rude to actually ask for anything, you had to wait until you were offered or asked what you would like.

As a result, I was a very polite child (and adult) but I often went without or ended up with stuff I really didn't like or wasn't any use to me.

So, I can easily see the logic in asking for whatever it is you are most in need of (be that money, vouchers or toasters!), it makes much more sense on a practical level and it's so much easier for the giver, but old ways die hard and I still feel asking for something specific upfront, is on the rude side.

I think this is one of those situations where there will never be a right answer that suits everyone and the important thing is to recognise we wont all feel the same, getting irked just shows a lack of tolerance for the differences in people, more than anything else I think, so I personally keep my feelings about rudeness to myself and smile whilst handing over the envelope with cash in it.

Although if I'm honest, I also breath a sigh of relief knowing that I wont have to trek round shops or search countless sites for the 'perfect' gift.

[maytreefrannie]

A friend of mine just ignores requests for money and goes and buys individual presents for any wedding she goes to. She says she and her hubby had great fun going through the presents and returning any they didn't want to keep. They still have treasured stuff they got for their wedding (30 years ago).

I have to say I'm quite happy to give money - easier all round I think.

[Alison]

A friend of mine just ignores requests for money and goes and buys individual presents for any wedding she goes to. She says she and her hubby had great fun going through the presents and returning any they didn't want to keep. They still have treasured stuff they got for their wedding (30 years ago).

I have to say I'm quite happy to give money - easier all round I think.

It's not the giving of money that I have a problem with (although I did enjoy opening my presents the morning after our wedding, well most of them!), it's the demands for money (or presents for that matter) with the invitation - can't people wait for a guest to ask before shouting want, want want!?!

[Raybon]

We have to move on, I'm afraid.
I was happy to donate towards a honeymoon that could not be afforded otherwise.....we were rewarded and thanked by being emailed wonderful pics of very happy people.

The wording was very careful - ' no presents necessary, but a small donation towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.....'
I was not offended or surprised by that; like many couples they had been together for a while.

[Alison]

The wording was very careful - ' no presents necessary, but a small donation towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.....'.

That's the nub of it though, those people thought about what they were doing and, whilst I personally wouldn't mention gifts at all in the invitation they worded it appropriately. The ones which offend me are the ones that don't put in the careful wording and just include a detailed list and / or bank details.


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