What to do on Xmas day

[JanieB]

I'm a widow. I can't do anything about that. I have been invited to 3 places for Xmas lunch but no one has the capacity to put me up for the night. To be quite honest I don't want to leave my dogs overnight.

The first option is immediately behind my house, I can have a drink and not drive, and I only have to stay as long as I want to. Sounds ideal but it's not. I do know that I'm invited because they feel sorry for me and I don't want to be there on sufferance. They are a generation younger than me (and the rest) and my biggest problem is spending the day with someone who I dislike intensely.

The second option is my brother. He made it very clear when I went there for my first Christmas as a widow that it was meal only and then I had to leave. I accepted this one and spent most of the first Xmas day on my own, on my own.

I have made the decision to spend the day on my own, it has to be better than the disappointment that the expectation of a nice family Xmas and being told to go home. I could book a table at a local hostelry but that would probably mean me sitting in solitary splendour.

Self pity, abso-bloody-lutely.

[Bigmallly]

I've been there Janie & got the T-Shirt. Not a nice time to be on your own. I'll be here if you want to have a virtual xmas drink.

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

Janie this will be first Christmas as a widow (I hate that term) and I am deliberately spending it alone because I want to. I want to do my own thing and not paint a smile on my face. Is there anything in particular you want to do on the 25th - is there a movie you have missed during the year? Seeds to sow? Kitchen needing painted? Are there any gardening sales starting on the 25th?

The 25th is only another day, just avoid the forced happiness and I think it can be a good(ish) day.

[Nicos]

Sorry to hear that Janie- have you thought about inviting one or two neighbours over for a drink whenever it's convenient ...say just for 20 mins/1/2 hr?

It's a very French thing to go over to someone else's house , have a drink and then go home to your own food.
Felt a bit strange when we first did it , espesh as their food was cooking away and smelled yummy.
Now it's normal , and I actually prefer it at times. Bit like nipping down to the pub/cafe for a quick drink to see friends, and then home again.

Just a thought so you don't spend all your day alone.

We'll all be here over the festive season- so there's always someone to talk to....I'll treat you to a drink down at the GR ...but you need to bring the sausage roll cos we haven't got any over here!

[Guest]

Does being alone bother you?

Personally I wouldn't go to anyones were I was made to feel I wasn't genuinely wanted. I also don't have an issue with going out and having a meal on my own, but I know depending on where you are - you do get a lot of looks and whispers and it is not nice. However if we were never meant to be on our own we would all be joined at the hip to someone

However if you do get lonely consider volunteering. Animal rescue centres, nursing homes, shelters all need help especially at christmad. Then you can relax at the end of the day with a tipple.

[veggiechicken]

I spent my first Christmas as an only at the beach, with the dog, with a flask of coffee and some cheese and pickle sarnies. We went for a long walk along the cliff tops, it was sunny and there were lots of people around, all grabbing breaths of fresh air and happy to have a chat. Then I came home, had beans on toast and thoroughly enjoyed my day.
In fact, it was so good, I did it all again for several years.

I'd had lots of invites from friends and family who didn't like to think of me on my own but it felt better to me to reinvent "Christmas" the way I wanted to spend it and do my own thing. I know we all deal with loss differently but for me, I couldn't bring my husband back, so I had to start writing another chapter in my life and not keep re-reading the earlier chapters. They're locked away in my memory - and that's where they'll stay.

There have been lots of surprises in the new chapters and I hope to keep on writing them for many years to come.

I won't be doing much this Christmas, apart from playing with puppies and poking my nose in on here. Plenty of virtual wine and beans on toast to share with anyone who wants to chat. You can even play with the puppies if you like

[Scarlet]

It's a very French thing to go over to someone else's house , have a drink and then go home to your own food.
Felt a bit strange when we first did it , espesh as their food was cooking away and smelled yummy.
Now it's normal , and I actually prefer it at times. Bit like nipping down to the pub/cafe for a quick drink to see friends, and then home again.

We do that with our neighbours that live opposite. It's a standing arrangement of fizz at 12! Anyone who's around, pop across the road to us. I love it! It's the only time of the year my front door gets used

I'm with NG, think outside the box and consider giving your time to others or invite someone to come to you instead.

[Jeanied]

I used to do the duty family visits but they were almost the most upsetting time of year for me as it really wasn't the same without my husband.

Now my Mum is no longer alive, I get my brother to come to me - he says he is staying a fortnight this time I am the cook this Christmas and I have just given myself the challenge of cooking something new each day from the plethora of cookbooks on the shelf. It is going pretty well so far I'm glad to have someone here to experiment on too. Otherwise I take dishes round to the neighbours or invite friends over for a meal!

And I have four legged company now- that is the best!

[WendyC]

Can't think of any other suggestions to add to the great ones which have already been posted but definitely don't go somewhere you aren't truly welcomed.

[Nicos]

I love the idea of volunteer work

I have an English friend here who goes and sits by the beds of terminally ill people who have to stay in hospital.
She doesn't speak much French but is clearly valued by everyone..mopping brows, sips of water, toileting, helping to feed people, holding hands etc
She's lost 3 husbands to cancer and is now on her own.
I think it's the time of the year the relatives and staff value her presence the most.

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

VC I like the term "an only", will be using it from now on.

Nicos your friend is a brave, kind hearted lady.

[Snadger]

I spent my first Christmas as an only at the beach, with the dog, with a flask of coffee and some cheese and pickle sarnies. We went for a long walk along the cliff tops, it was sunny and there were lots of people around, all grabbing breaths of fresh air and happy to have a chat. Then I came home, had beans on toast and thoroughly enjoyed my day.
In fact, it was so good, I did it all again for several years.

I'd had lots of invites from friends and family who didn't like to think of me on my own but it felt better to me to reinvent "Christmas" the way I wanted to spend it and do my own thing. I know we all deal with loss differently but for me, I couldn't bring my husband back, so I had to start writing another chapter in my life and not keep re-reading the earlier chapters. They're locked away in my memory - and that's where they'll stay.

There have been lots of surprises in the new chapters and I hope to keep on writing them for many years to come.

I won't be doing much this Christmas, apart from playing with puppies and poking my nose in on here. Plenty of virtual wine and beans on toast to share with anyone who wants to chat. You can even play with the puppies if you like

I've got an invite to the beach on Boxing day by my Daughter in law! Problem is I've got to jump into the bladdy North Sea at Whitley Bay clothed only in my Bermuda shorts as part of the deal!

[veggiechicken]

You did that before Snadge - i remember the topless photo
You're a braver man (or woman) than I'll ever be. Good luck 'cos I know you'll do it

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

Snadger we will need to see photos

[Glutton4...]

((((HUGS)))) It must be a particularly difficult time for you. I remember feeling very left out as the only single person in our social group. I threw myself into my work, and helped out in the pub whenever they wanted - including Christmas day, which was very busy, and took my mind off it.

I like VC's way of dealing with it. Be true to yourself, and don't involve yourself in something just for the sake of it.

We're going to my BiL's for lunch, because we've been invited, and my In-Laws like us to get together. Personally, we do it to keep the peace, and would much rather slob out at home!