The kettles on, Take a seat and put up your feet.

[Sal]

Thanks Jaxom,

Well I feel welcome already and I'm one of the new grapes on the block you were talking about. Joined up and posted my first post tonight.

And incase anyone was wondering I'm female, 29, mousey, hump-backed, lispy, very hairy with an IQ of -2, smell of pond water aaaand wear big gold chav jewellery.

I don't really. Wear jewellery, that is. It would get in the way of the gardening!

[JennieAtkinson]

Hi Sal - sounds as though you will fit in fine with the rest of us !

[Sal]

Gold, gold and more gold plated lead...

Great! You mean no-one on this site wears chav jewellery either... right?

I've actually never ever posted on any web forum/chat room/message board before in my life. Never really had the time but whilst searching for a quick fix for my bleeding grapevine - see my post on the fruit page - I stumbled accross you lot. The 'chat rooms' I've found myself on before always seem a bit seedy and very boring - once you've had one conversation about the colour of your underwear you've had them all (dull off white/grey by the way).

This chat room is -of course- a different kind of seedy, geddit Grapevine seems like a really friendly site and with loads of useful information too, I think I may stay. Very addictive anyhow!

[Jaxom]

I think I may stay. Very addictive anyhow!

Sal. Welcome to the vine. The amount of Grapes getting into trouble with their OHs because of the time they spend on line is very large.
They accuse some of us of logging on to porn sites. GW and all the other Gardening programs are the type the porn they are referring to.
Why do dusting, ironing or washing the car when you can talk grapes, melons and cucumbers.
Jax

[Lesley Jay]

Welcome to the grapevine Sal. You don't have to be mad to post here but it certainly helps!

[Shortie]

The paper bag incident

We'll have to have a get together at one of the gardening events. We could all walk round with a plastic dafodill or better still plastic bunch of grapes in our lapels so we'd know we were Vine members

That sounds fun, but should we wear paper bags over our heads to keep the identity mistery going? You know, with two holes cut where our eyes are so we can see where we're going (it could be a bit of a walking disaster otherwise - quite literally! )

[nick the grief]

We can do Seedy as well if you want Sal. And as Jax say's some of us get accused of looking at dodgy sites, but then some of us do eh LJ

[Lesley Jay]

Nick! Think about my reputation!!

[nick the grief]

The affair of the "aenemic dick"

To set the record straight Sal.

The affair of the "aenemic dick" came about when we were discussing suet puddings ( a subject close to my waistline).

I had just drank a very strong cup of Earl Grey & being a bit befuddled, suffered a severe disfunction between Brain & Keyboard.

What I meant to type was Roly Poly, the other Bastion of Atora cookery, but typed the above.

LJ thinking she had finally stumbled across the world renound secret recipe of a previously unpublished Warwickshire delicacy went in search of enlightenment ... on Google.co.uk. Where upon she nervously typed the immortal phrase "aenemic dick"

Suffice it to say the large portion she happened across was not served with Birds custard (we don't think)

But being the inocent that she claims she then compounded things by recounting her exploits (or should that be eXXXploits) on this very forum.

We being the kind, considerate, thoughtfull, sensitive sons of milkmen that we are, we take every oppourtunity to remind her

[Lesley Jay]

Oh Nick!!!!!!! That post is the reason why I love this forum - I can't stop laughing - but did you really need to tell all the newcomers?? What will they think!!!!

[nick the grief]

It's no good hiding your thingy under a bushel LJ. The story had to be told.

I went for the 21st centrury Dr watson type narative, worked quite well I thought.

Time for another earl grey and maybe, just maybe a digestive biscuit or two.

[Alice]

This grapes female and chose the nick name from Alice in Wonderland. Where else could I be now that I'm retired and no more running about like a mad march hare. Wonderful.

[bramble]

LJ, I think this is a case of your reputation in tatters.

[JennieAtkinson]

Sorry LJ - its just so funny! OH wonders what the heck I'm laughing at!

NTG - go drink another Earl Gray - we need another journalled story! You are obviously wasted in gardening circles.

[pigletwillie]

Heaven help her if the old bill take her pc in for checking over.

"please Lesley explain to us these sites of adult content you have been visiting on a very regular basis".

Honestly sir I was looking up a recipe for anaemic dick. Really I was