You are a lovely kind helpful forum.

[JanieB]

I went out for a meal with my son today. It was really nice apart from him waving his arms about so that I wore my wine.

I went to my local after and sat with some friends which is where my request comes from.

I have a friend who has 4 daughters. The 1st 2 are now married, 1 with 1 child and the 2nd with 3, the last 2 being twins. They no longer live locally. She is a widow of their father. She has 2 other daughters. The older of the 2 is seriously disabled. Her problem is undiagnosed. 3 years ago she had letters from the Job Centre telling her that she had to take her there and that this daughter had to go for interviews every 3 weeks until she found a job. This daughter is totally incapable of reading or even understanding the written word. It only stopped when I contacted our MP.

This daughter was supported until recently as she was obliged by law to go to school. This support has now gone and my friend has 2 options. a) to put her in a home where her access to her daughter is restricted or 2) keep her at home where she has little support or respite.

When I saw the mum today I was gobsmacked. She's exhausted. She desperately needs a break. She looks 20 years older than she is.

Is there anyone on this site who knows anything about this sort of situation and can give me some advice? This is because as I was leaving she asked me for help.

[skeggijon]

The local authority has an obligation to provide day services and respite for carers, although they often do everything in their power to make it difficult for those in need to access.
She should be entitled to PIPs (personal independent payments)to fund any private services needed to help. Does she have a social worker? If not, then this is the first port of call.
If you need any more info, please PM me and I'll do what I can for you

My OH worked for over 20 years providing services for adults with learning disabilities and for the last two years has been co-running a private day service with three other disaffected ex local authority staff.

[SusieG]

Good luck Janie, can't offer any help or advice, but you're helping your friend by just being there, listening and posting your message.....

[muddled]

She is unlikely to have a named social worker. She can however call the council/social services and speak to the duty social worker.

She must get an assessment, either social or medical for her daughter to get that all important label 'disabled' or 'learning difficulties' in writing, from a professional.
Once her daughter is officially labelled (its awful, I know) your friend is entitled to a carers assessment as well.

Now all of this might come to nowt.
The respite services in my borough are so bad I wouldn't leave a DOG with them! But if your friend is assessed as needing respite she can have the money instead of the service and so long as she spends it on respite and keeps the receipts she can use it creatively.....A daytrip with a local club for the daughter and another relative perhaps?

In the meantime, could you help her?
You don't say what kind of disability the daughter has but if you could take her shopping in the morning and one of her sisters take her for the afternoon once a fortnight it would make the world of difference to her I'm sure.
My friend and I do something similar....I take my (disabled) daughter and hers out together one Tuesday, she does it the following week.

Don't expect much from the council. My daughters one remaining half day service is cancelled from next Thursday. Alternate Tuesdays between me and my friend will then be the only time off we get.

Your friend's best chance for respite is you.

[Finley]

Could the Citizens Advice Bureau help? They often manage to galvanise slow organisations into action

[Scarlet]

Don't expect much from the council. My daughters one remaining half day service is cancelled from next Thursday. Alternate Tuesdays between me and my friend will then be the only time off we get.

Your friend's best chance for respite is you.

Heartbraking to read this but so true. One of my best friends died a couple of years ago She had a Downs girl still in school. Her husband fortunately managed to get her a place in a college until she is 18. He works full time, school holidays are a nightmare being a single Dad. The only help he gets is from close family and friends.

I look forward to my day with her...but it is full on and I can't imagine how hard a full week is without help. My OH and son taught her to ride a bike scooter first...makes me laugh out loud thinking about it
Janie, arrange some time out with your friends girl, get a friend to help out if needed. Just a morning off occasionally would mean a lot.