The Gardeners Rest #12 (2017)

[Snoop Puss]

pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled, till Cadalot suddenly came flying through the air, leaving his boots behind in the Blob. But he was relieved he hadn't left his legs behind too, so didn't complain.

Snoop looked at VC and apologised for the misunderstanding. VC took it very well. And it all looked like things were starting to go everyone's way.

Lumpy took the controls of the Tardis, with VC giving discreet instructions about what to do.

The Tardis started to make its usual asthmatic breathing noise and suddenly they were spinning round.

"Who set the coordinates?" Cadalot asked...

[Deano's "Diggin It"]

Well I hope the Lord it was neither "Baldy" nor "Kelvin" said Deano, as most of the time neither of them seem to know what planet their on!

But with an hiss, bing, grind and a spinning motion, we were off! and within a matter of second re-materialised.....................

[veggiechicken]

............as a Red GPO Telephone Box with a press Button A or B and a slot for your small change!!
There was another problem - the Phone Box had relocated to a desert island, with swaying palm trees and..............

[JanieB]

....snow. How did that happen and by the way what are coordinates, we have a misunderstanding here or we don't know what the h..l we are doing. We seem to have arrived in an alternative universe. How do we get back to semi normality?

[veggiechicken]

I can explain co-ordinates, said Nicos - its having matching shoes, gloves and handbags. speaking of which, I've left the key to future in my handbag in the ladies' powder room at the GR.........If we don't get back there before New Year's Eve we may have to spend the rest of our lives on this desert island without........

[rary]

Where do you find semi normality? cant we just go back to the GR, I was going to buy a drink, I have been off the drink for the past three days

[rary]

are you saying Nicos, that if we dont get back I wont get that drink VC promised me?

[JanieB]

Ah. Now, it's Seminormality. It's a planet very similar to Earth in another galaxy. We now have to find our way back to Earth in our own galaxy which means working out how this bl@@dy machine works.

[rary]

Well its no use asking VC as she will be too busy planning some weird and wonderful veg trial, and anyway I dont think there is a qualified driver here, so I will have a bash at it, Janie jump out and give it a push, just to get it started

[JanieB]

Ah. We need a jump start. I'll get the jump leads out. I'm not going into the airless unknown without a jumpsuit. Here we go....

[veggiechicken]

.............and Janie donned a big woolly jumper that had been handknitted by Lottie Dollie from the fleece of a ...............

[Greenleaves]

Clanger belly button fluff, one of its many properties was the generation of breathable........

[JanieB]

air pockets. With that she braved the great unknown with the jump leads and headed off into....

[Lumpy]

the blazing sunlight....................

Stop stop screamed a very loud voice as the big bright light was turned off.

What the ell are you and your box doing on my film set? screamed the director down his megaphone.

Actors back to you start point, security get axes and start getting that box off my set...................how am I supposed to make a remake of a remake of a remake of the oscar winning film.............

[Snoop Puss]

"What film?", asked Deano. "And when was it made?"

"The remake of The Great Escape, made in late 2017", replied the director. "Great film but there are a few things I didn't think were fully resolved. So I'm..."

"Haha!!", Deano cried. "If you tell us where we are and when we are, we can take you back to 2017 and you can ask the remake director yourself."

"But can you get me back to my time here?" the director asked.

"Probably not", Deano replied. He thought honesty the better policy.

"But would you want to come back here anyway", Janie replied, looking about her.

"Good point", the director said.

So he told the Grapes where they were and when they were. Cadalot set the coordinates (with Nicos' help on matching the coloured switches), Janie jump-started the engine. Deano took over the steering. And they were off! Rary couldn't wait, he wanted a drink. And VC was looking forward to seeing what her seeds were doing. Cadalot's feet were getting cold, and he rather fancied putting some slippers on. All in all, it looked like things were improving, though all of them regretted not getting a taste of Thelma Saunders' panettone, which didn't seem quite so scary and Blob-like, now it was behind them