Singing those Down Home Broken Down Cold Frame Blues

[BroadRipple]

Here's my sad story
I had an old sash window
And no DIY skills whatsoever
I said no DIY skills whatsoever
And no room for a greenhouse.

So I ended up paying
For ply and labour too
And ended up with the World's Most Expensive and Poorly Designed Cold Frame
Don't laugh...
And the rain it came a-pouring down

This morning I opened it
I opened it wide
To find a pool of water on the floor
Yes a pool of cold green water on the damn ply floor


Because the DAMN THING LEAKS
and it is FALLING APART
So I need to get me a noooo cold frame
And this time I'm thinkin' ready-made

[Interlude for instrumental, while I point out that it's very late but I still have NO IDEA why I'm writing this as a blues song. The anonymity of the internet makes it a dangerous place. But bear with me]

So...tell me O wise grapes,
My sisters, my brothers, tell me,
WHO is a reliable cold frame manufacturer,
and what else should I be lookin' for?
I said what else should I be lookin' for?

Hoo yes.
Thank you and Goodnight.

[taff]

why have you got a ply floor? why not just put it on the earth?
and silicone, it's your best friend
can I hear a yeah brothers?

[VirginVegGrower]

Oh you should have got your cold frame
In a box and shiny new
You should install direct to earth
You knew what you should do

But you had to make your own
In order to save the dosh
We've all been there before chap
But the rain it came a splosh

And now you've just got firewood
Soggy and oh so wet
So off to Wilko's sale now
Go on and be a pet!

I can't write blues...

[VirginVegGrower]

Just thought of an additional verse and this is on the fly so bear with me...

There is of course another way
Pop out, buy Grow Your Own
Cos' in there is an article
Oh no I hear you moan

No you lot just bear with me
It's not just fancy tricks
It's like the three pigs story
BUILD YOUR COLDFRAME FROM SECOND HAND BRICKS!

[chris]

Long day, peeps?

[VirginVegGrower]

No some of us were up early :-)

[VirginVegGrower]

Plus too much coffee = too many rhyming words. Although I am waiting for Mr VVG to finish his bank holiday drilling (no pizza oven yet), then we guzz tut Yorkshire.

[BroadRipple]

oh...thank you for you understanding, your patience and your good ol' down-home rhymin ways. VVG, EXACTLY it was to save money, which totally failed anyway due to my ignorance (oh the shame) and now it's...rank.

BUT...OK, leaving the medium of song for just a minute, not least b/c it's daylight and I can't believe I did it in Blues...
how many bricks do I need? could I really just pile them up and shove the window on top? Cos I suppose I don't really need a whole new one do I...and Taff, you're right I could do a bit of siliconing...
AND...haven't used ply on fire before but actually that's an idea! er, or is it too full of chemicals?
Next, how do I get my parsley to germinate, in Dubstep

[VirginVegGrower]

That's what they've done in the mag - can you view it online or go and buy/have a look? No mortar used just laid bricks. Hope this reaches you as I'm on some backwater lane with minimal reception.

[BroadRipple]

it did - thank you. will try to have a look online. BTW since we're chatting, is the GYO magazine good? I get Kitchen GArdener which I love because/despite the fact that it's INSANE, full of chickens and humanure and some truly terrifying self-sufficient vegans, but am wondering if it's time to change soon...and don't know which of the two is more popular/better...
Thanks for risking backwater mud to advise me

[VirginVegGrower]

I find it fab but others have stressed it reads same from year to year. But then that's the growing season isn't it. Buy one - new edition tomorrow.

[BroadRipple]

hello taff...just to say i tried siliconing with comic effects yesterday, but it might just work...will hope for best. yes, in retrospect i shouldn't have had a floor, but that's not one of those magic things a newish gardener just knows (well not me anyway) and I'm working it out for myself...grr.

and hello VVG, have looked online but can't access the coldframe section of this month's issue...will look out in newsagents but otherwise my new subscription won't be until the new year. back to the humanure (or this month's particularly extensive section on growing show-size vegetables. hmm)

[taff]

welcome to the world of mistakes to make. I've done lots, and too many to list in a post because it'll dent my self-gardening-esteem too much