The no dig method

[Jeanied]

Think of your blood pressure, smallfrog. Just let her know about the word that has been had in your ear. I think bullfighting is possibly two steps later!

[zazen999]

I agree; to give her the benefit of the doubt she could just be waiting until the last frosts....I know I am.

[maypril]

i don't like the idea of saying ship up or shift off. Nor do i did i want it to be me doing all the graft and her swaning in and picking the fruits of my labours.
.

Who's name is on the allotment contract? If it's yours then it's your responsibility. You have to keep the allotment up to scratch even if she doesn't. You really should have thought about this before signing.

[smallfrog]

Who's name is on the allotment contract? If it's yours then it's your responsibility. You have to keep the allotment up to scratch even if she doesn't. You really should have thought about this before signing.

Yep I understand that completely Aprilmay and with hindsight should have had both names put onto contract. At the time it didn't seem all that important.

Anyho,
Have spoken to her yesterday said that my OH and Brother would help her dig, build beds ect and get things under control again and was she sure she wanted to carry on with it. She didn't see that she'd done anything wrong in the 1st place by not doing anything. She maintains that she smothering the weeds with the view to adding layers and then planting but can't afford to buy compost top/ soil at this point.

Stayed calm and simply said as long as I don't lose my half of the plot and hers is tidish so we don't get moaned at. she can grow and do what she likes. So hopefully all will be well.

[zazen999]

Apart from these seed potatoes; has she got any seedlings ready to go into the plot?

[smallfrog]

:O) didn't dare mention the potatoes they must be somewhere. She asked if i'd got anything to go in. So listed everything i had in or going in soon and said she could have anything i'd got going spare etc. I think shes over streching herself she keeps taking new projects on and not seeing them through. Unitl she says she doesn't want we'll just muddle on.
I know she brought masses of seeds a couple of years ago and they've never gone into the ground maybe there with the pot's. Have a few good friends who'll donate bits as well. I just don't want to do it all for her.
We'll see off to get little bro and put him to work.

Oh and she also mentioned having chickens because then she'd have a reason to go there everyday. I love chickens but theres no way i'm commiting myself to working, baby's and chicken duty.

[zazen999]

I think you should give her one month [mid June] to get it planted up or you will have to take it back. At least then you could put about 10 squashes in and leave them to ramble all summer.

If you are supplying the plants then they are strictly speaking, your crops!!!

Otherwise you will be asking the same thing next season...and with chickens to deal with as well.

[wsarah]

I don't want to butt in on this on-going conversation, but wanted to add a little of my own experience. I was the same as your friend for many years - taking on projects that were way too much for me, because I was searching for something that i was good at. Everyone else's hobbies became my obsession as I struggled to fit in and become like them - instead of finding myself. I also did it all on a virtually non-existant budget, and although I never asked my friends for cast off's, I always cut corners. In my own experience, these fad's never lasted more than a month or two. I think, if you keep the communication channel open, she will eventually discover that this is not her 'thing' and ask you to take over. It is really hard to admit defeat when you have to though, its easy to put the latest craft materials in the attic or sell the exercise equiptment that you never used, but when you actually have to say that you made a mistake, its alot more difficult. You have been so kind to let her share your plot and to organise help for her, but in my experience, this may be the beginning of the end of her involvement. I really hope that this doesn't ruin your friendship, but that doesn't mean you should be a mat for her to walk over. Good luck x

[Snadger]

:O) didn't dare mention the potatoes they must be somewhere. She asked if i'd got anything to go in. So listed everything i had in or going in soon and said she could have anything i'd got going spare etc. I think shes over streching herself she keeps taking new projects on and not seeing them through. Unitl she says she doesn't want we'll just muddle on.
I know she brought masses of seeds a couple of years ago and they've never gone into the ground maybe there with the pot's. Have a few good friends who'll donate bits as well. I just don't want to do it all for her.
We'll see off to get little bro and put him to work.

Oh and she also mentioned having chickens because then she'd have a reason to go there everyday. I love chickens but theres no way i'm commiting myself to working, baby's and chicken duty.

Sounds a bit like me.........but luckily I've stuck with this gardening lark.

Chooks might not be such a bad idea as they will certainly clear the ground for her!

[smallfrog]

snadger no not the chooks iam always on the egde of saying yes to them. I have friends who are ready and will to give me some but so far i've resisted. :O) Although have tried to convince DS about how nice it would be to have some better than the gerbil he wants at the mo.

Had a productive day and manged to rehome the wendy house, tractor tyre sandpit thing and cast iron bath that should really be on ebay. To the end of plot with compost bin. OH half strimmed off the weeds again and me and bro and friend dug over some of it as well. I paced myself don't worry :O)

She said the ground was really hard so said just do what i did and start small the build up a bit at a time. Also pointed out its not the best time to dig as its not rained in ages.

The potatoes have made an appearance!!! Which shes planted out i've given her a pumbkin for her DD but told her she'll have to wait till it warms up a bit. Plot was busy so lots of people stopped to chat which might make her feel better about nipping up there on her own. One Old un gave her some sunflower seeds as well.

I'm more hopeful after today and left her planting her spuds with her DD. I still don't think i'd recommend sharing a plot. However things are looking better now lets hope she sticks to it.

[taff]

yup, it's really annoying when someone is either doing nothing or not doing things your way.

If it were me,I'd ignore her half completely, and wait and see what happens.It doesn't matter if people complain about the state of it, the committee has the final say.If they are making noises about her half, and they agreed for you to share it,then let them make the move of contacting her about it. COntact them and inform them what's going on.
You've done what you can do.

[zazen999]

Taff - problem is, her name isn't on the lease. It's smallfrog's lottie, all in her name.

[mogs]

I feel for you, as you sound like you are really trying to make the best of a bad job, and keep the peace. I always attempt this and try and be understanding and nice, and sometimes people just take advantage of your good nature - the trouble is I try and avoid stern words for so long that I end up saying far too much when I finally blow a gasket and then regret it immediately.

Is it not possible to have a quiet word with the committee member responsible and explain the situation, that you are keen to get things sorted, but don't want to cause problems with your friend? Mind that's just me a coward to the end when it comes to confrontation - until I blow of course!

[taff]

Taff - problem is, her name isn't on the lease. It's smallfrog's lottie, all in her name.

She says further up that they asked if she would share it with her friend,so it sounds like they know she's not doing it all herself, and they must have agreed to it.
If she had a chat,explained what was going on and her friends intentions,it would keep them off her back for a little bit until her friend realises that she's not going to cope. Or until the autumn when she could say she needs more space for her own stuff and being as her names on the lease,would you mind putting your name down again for another spot please.

[smallfrog]

Just wrote another email and then thought its a case of if and and at the mo great for letting off steam but not really going anywhere.

So for the time being i'll see what happens she's got some spuds in. If she fails to do anything over the next month then i'll tell her nicely its best for her to give it up as a bad job. That way i gain the whole plot.

Thanks for all the comments and the ears i've bent.