Annoying Neighbour

[mrbadexample]

Straight to the point, name, age, condition of back, snorer?
I'll fill you in when I whittle it down to a shortlist.

Name: mrbadexample
Marital status: single
Age: 42
Condition of back: knackered.
Snorer: How am I supposed to know that?

I can fish spiders out of the bath, and bake nice cakes.

Time to buy a hat, grapes?

[VirginVegGrower]

I am currently bidding on Princess Beatrice's effort on eBay ;-)

[Two_Sheds]

Snorer: How am I supposed to know that?

You're single, ergo you snore. Non-snorers get snapped up like that

[mrbadexample]

I am currently bidding on Princess Beatrice's effort on eBay ;-)

Sorry, you're not coming in with that shocker!

[VirginVegGrower]

I can stand outside and provide aerial reception for the screening!

[Angry Janice]

Well it all sounded so promising until we got to the back, I married one of those before. He couldn't carry the shopping, couldn't move wardrobes.. in the end I put a boulster down the centre of the bed because I was doing all the work there too. The day he died, I said the same thing I said when my cat died, no more pets. I mean they're amusing at the outset but they become a tie don't they? Don't get me wrong, I'll miss the disabled parking badge and his head but that's it.

Now, these cakes you bake, that could swing the vote, aside fromt he fact it followed on from "I can fish spiders out of baths", more information please.

[Angry Janice]

And another thing, despite me complaining, and gathering photographic evidence of her being worse than ever and wandering about taking just two or three things from each allotment and hiding it in a white carrier bag up her sleeve so no one noticed, the powers that be shrugged it off, since they are all friends and said "There's no harm in it and she's old."

Does anyone know of a battery powered camera triggered by movement? Because they might be fine with it up the other end but having her rush from my plot the moment I walk into the allotment is making me beyond furious.

[SarzWix]

I think I'd be tempted to make a really boggy patch, just where she usually walks onto your plot. Easy enough with a bit of pond liner, a bit of a trench, and plenty of water... Not deep enough to be classed as a man-trap though, obviously - I think that's illegal

[teamladd]

anymore update with this Angry Janice? ")

[Glutton4...]

I'd sit in wait with a cattle prod, and poke her sharply up the chuff with it, when she came near...

[theweescottishgrower]

Cattle prods are good, but I find if you douse the target in water first, the end result is far more effective; so have the hose on standby

[chris]

I've got an annoying next-door-but-two plot neighbour, constantly walks over my strawberry beds, not using my paths. Last time I was there I couldn't help it, just exploded in a wraith of fury pointing out the straws he crushed, along with flowers, etc.

I felt instant guilt afterwards, but seeing him jump in disbelief that someone would dare to speak to him like that was amusing (I giggle about it often during the day).

He's stayed away, and the one time he came back he used the paths. I pointed out to him that as he grows in rows, and if I walked on his plot like he did mine I'd cross most of 1/2 his rows trampling all his crops.

Don't want to make enemies, but damn after his cut the sloe bush down - that was the final straw!

[mrbadexample]

Well it all sounded so promising until we got to the back, I married one of those before. He couldn't carry the shopping, couldn't move wardrobes...

Err...well...I can carry shopping, and I can move wardrobes, but I'll grumble about it. A lot. Anyway, do we really need all that shopping? And that wardrobe looks great where it is, dear.

Now, these cakes you bake, that could swing the vote, aside from the fact it followed on from "I can fish spiders out of baths", more information please.

I make a particularly fine carrot cake, but can also make a decent chocolate yoghurt cake, victoria sponge, parkin, sticky rhubarb teabread with cinnamon icing...the list goes on. I think GN's a bit scared of me, because I got no reply after actually producing the goods.

[morverngirl]

Perhaps you could run CCTV to catch "light fingers" with hat acting as electrical source

[Angry Janice]

Sticky rhubarb teabread with cinnamon icing you say? Down on one knee, let's take a look at that ring.