Newbie:Thank you for a great forum

[Birk-in-side]

Hello all
Thank you for a great forum, I have read most posts and found some great advice and answers too many of my questions. Having just moved into our new house with a large back garden that is on a hill and just grass, I have a lot of work ahead of me if I am to try to grow vegetables this season. No doubt, I will have many questions, but firstly any advice on how to improve my claylike soil for this season?

Thanks once again to all the great advice

Steve

[Lesley Jay]

Hi there Steve! Welcome to the madhouse also known occassionally as the Grapevine!!

I'm really pleased you like the forum - you can come again!!!

[Alice]

Hello Birk, it's late, but welcome to the forum. The only way to improve clay is to dig in organic material. For more detailed ideas come back and talk to us in daylight hours. Night night.

[Lesley Jay]

Stick around. I will be here for another three hours!!

[nick the grief]

not working tonight then LJ

Hi Steve & welcome to the Vine, best way to improve your soil is loads of organic matter - well rotted manure, green manures, home made compost, spent mushroom compost, Spent hops from a brewery that sort of thing and dig it in. It won't change overnight but you'll get there in the end.

[vicki lorraine]

Hi and welcome to the forum.
I agree with Alice and the best advice is to dig in as much organic matter as possible. Can you access a large delivery of Manure? Contact a local farm and im sure they will be willing to deliver a load for you.
I suggest you do a bit at a time and if the manure is well rotted you could even get some potatoes in this year which will help to open up the soil for you too.
Dont get rid of the grass thought- when you have dug it up, stack it upside down and let it rot down and then dig it back into the ground later.

Hope this helps.

[Peter]

More detailed instructions.

Method One.
Find local farmer or riding school who can deliver to your garden well rotted manure. Be prepared for delivery to be so fresh you can hear it moo or neigh.
Buy a plastic sheet.
Arrange delivery for when you are in, arrange sheet on ground, observe either the tractor driver tipping manure so it spills off edge of sheet into gravel drive or the delivery arrive on a non-tipping vehicle with the expectation you will empty it while the driver has a fag.
Proffer cash to driver.
Use wheelbarrow and shovel to place manure in:

1/. heaps every six foot on previously dug veg patch.
Curse when heap is almost gone and plot barely half done, ring for second load.
Spread little heaps and rotovate or fork in.
2/. One big heap somewhere more convenient.
Take a barrowfull at a time to where you are doing your double digging and incorporate as appropriate during the digging.
Curse when barely halfway through digging and manure runs out, ring for second load.

Method two.
Find a riding school or person who has horse(s).
Ask if, as they do not have the means to move their rear-end byproduct more than ten yards from the stable, you may come and help yourself.
Find a person who has a large dog that they feed on dry dog food, beg/borrow/steal their empty sacks. (bin bags will NOT do for this, trust me).
Visit manure place.
Spend first half hour finding a wheelbarrow as the heap is across a field a Range-Rover would have trouble in, never mind your family car.
Fill bags and barrow to car.
Place in car.
Carefully pick up all the bits from the first bag, which fell over in the car while you were lifting the next one in.
Empty out when you get home.
Curse at the pitiful size of the heap you have and repeat process, till dark or horsey person gets annoyed, whichever comes first.
Use as per method one.
Have a bath and relax while considering buying a trailer.
Do not broach subject of trailer until after OH has driven the car and discovered all the bits you missed. That way OH may agree to buy one, either that or whip you soundly while you are cleaning car out out wi' tongue.

[vicki lorraine]

LOL Peter
You make everything sound so funny. (But sadly so true)!

[Lesley Jay]

Oh Peter!! What a cracker!!! Thanks for such a laugh!!

[carlseawolf]

hello and welcome

[Earthbabe]

Hi Steve and welcome. Good luck with the clay/organic matter.

Peter, again very funny but very well observed. You speak from experience I presume.

[JennieAtkinson]

Hello Steve and welcome to the Grapevine.

Good one Peter! Sadly I think I have done it all!

[Alice]

Hello Peter, you just had to see all that to write it. Thanks for the laugh.

[Birk-in-side]

Hello All
Thank you all for your replies
Peter, luckily where we moved to is in the country and right next to a farm, I have spoke to the farmer today and he has told me to help myself to the rather large manure heap that he has in his top field. I will probably do a variation of your method two.

Steve

[madderbat]

Hi there, and welcome. I think the others have more or less said it, except that Snadge (?) had a good idea on the joke post :

Somehow convince the police that someone burried some loot in the field. They come an dig it, you do the planting. (Well it might work if, as the joke says, you are inside for robbery!!! )