Best chicken jokes?

[Smoggy67]

I'm very disappointed in you lot... I expected this to be 18 pages long by now..lol

The ones who have listed, well done.. cheered me up no end...

[RedThorn]

couple of pics for you... *gets coat...*

[RedThorn]

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

[RedThorn]

One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...how? I think I'm a chicken
since I was born..."

Doctor: "Woah! that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek
treatment now?"

Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."

[RedThorn]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see his flat mate.

[RedThorn]

Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

* sorry*

[RedThorn]

A parrot swallows a V* agra tablet, so his owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.

Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.

"how come you are sweating?" he asks.

The parrot replies "Do you know how ******** hard it is to open the legs of
a frozen chicken?"

*running close to the mark here* Mods delete if you feel it needs it

[RedThorn]

man went into a grocer's and saw a sign: 'Normal eggs 30p a dozen, square eggs 50p a dozen.' He asked the manager what the extra twenty pence was for.
'Ah,' came the reply, 'that's danger money for the chicken.'

[RedThorn]

KLEIN PIET comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have milk in my cereal?' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick the chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussycat as he's walking into the kitchen.

KLEIN PIET looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?

[RedThorn]

another picture

[RedThorn]

a political take on the chicken crossing the road

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
Chicken shall not **** while crossing the road. This is for a green environment..

[RedThorn]

Who was the person that looked at a chicken and said
"I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt." ?

[RedThorn]

Why did the chicken ever cross the road? Here are the responses of some well known people...

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:

To get to the other side.

PLATO:

For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:

It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY:

Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

JACK NICHOLSON:

'cause it f___ing wanted to. That's the f___ing reason.

RONALD REAGAN:

I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES:

Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTANT:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focussed, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:

The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.

MOSES:

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON:

The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:

I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

BILL CLINTON:

I'm going to say something important. And I'll say it again to make sure you understand. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. I did not.

OLIVER STONE:

The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA:

Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:

The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die. In the rain.

[RedThorn]

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
'Dammit.....
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

[RedThorn]

Last one that I can post here without getting banned!

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ".

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy ****! A talking chicken!"