Fuming!

[Bigmallly]

Ignore the p"rat"....................and his leaflet

[RedThorn]

Unfortunately, you cannot ignore said person(although his claim to be a person is in question)

The old adage "in God we trust, all else bring data" is helpful to you in this instance

Begin with a polite intro (whether you feel it or not, bigging up his work and how useful and needed it is)

Follow with : As a responsible citizen and chook keeper you would like to point out the following precautions that you are already doing(With photographic proof of course) and please esteemed sir, if there is anything that you could add to your regime in your unfailing fight againt the pest that blights your good and blessed village, then please advise and you where practicable will gladly and enthusiastically assist the good sir in his endeavours to reduce the the plague of vermin besetting you since the road works, blah de blah blah.... Also if the esteemed sir could provide you with a booklet on precautions, so that in your desire to be proactive in the assistance of reducing(cause as we all know that the eradication of said blight seems to be impossible as it has blighted our good and great nation for hundreds of years) the population by disseminating said booklet to all your fellow chook keepers in the environs.....followed by more waffle bigging him up and promoting his well placed self importance

Ended with a self-deprecating fellow soldier in the fight against the blight blah blah etc

However this is of no use unless you have proof of delivery, and as good measure ensure that your local councillor receives a copy too stating that although you feel singled out and victimised, you understand the man's position and desire to assist where practicable

[julesapple]

RT, that's excellent - very helpful.

What I actually want to say is something along the lines of 'WTF are you doing wasting (the ridiculously huge amount of) Council Tax we pay every year, swanning around NOT doing your job properly? You have picked on me because I'm an easy target, you haven't actually discovered the provenance of the pest or done anything to reduce/eradicate it/them'

This reply is percolating in my head at present. I haven't quite decided exactly what to say more, I've decided what I shouldn't say....

So whilst I'm percolating, I'm going to find my doughnut pan and make low carb fauxnuts.

[RedThorn]

sometimes honey works better than the stick and when one is dealing with an officious person, one needs to unfortunately partake in veiled agreement.

You could also ask him in same tone as above who else he has approached so as not to duplicate the good work when disseminating the above info - which results in an politely worded yet irrefutable reference to the fact that you feel singled out/finding out if there has been others he's been in communication with, without resorting to fighting talk

[julesapple]

I'd love to compose a reply in my best, and most wordy, Sir Humphry Applebyish English, but I fear that I would not be understood, or would, in some way be misinterpreted by the council numpties.

One of those letters that sounds like enormous flattery but is, in fact, a thinly veiled litany of insults.

[RedThorn]

He might not understand it and move on to a rather less eloquently verbose person....

However I fear you may be correct...

At the very least, I hope I made you smile


Sent from my iPhone using Grow Your Own Forum mobile app

[alldigging]

And def go through with forming a chicken keepers group.

You could look at bulk ordering supplies etc

[Bill HH]

We kept thousands of chickens all free range, rats were a very minor problem and we had 20 cats to sort those out. But after 40 years of doing this we had a plague of flies in the villiage, One of the newest members of the villiage wrote to our local news paper who printed his letter. "Poultry Farm causes plague of flies in Rowney green" My dad was furious and called in the ministry of agriculture who sent one of the scientists (Probably a flyoligist). He concluded in a report that the plague of flies was caused by the unusual weather and the long grass in the locality of the villiage which is where these flies breed.
We had a retraction printed in the paper with an apology. A few days later the man who reported us came down for his usual 6 double yolked eggs, My dad said "Oh Mr Sanders, "Frack OFF"
If you want reasons for rats then you dont have to look much further than the local councils policy of putting bins out the night before collection, people leaving food out for foxes, and as has been said, bird food.

Disgusted of Devon.

[julesapple]

Dear Disgusted of Devon,

Your Dad was a very wise chap,

Singled Out of Somerset.



Clive, down the road, has just said to me 'Well, my lover, strikes me as the rat man is more'n a pest than the rat!' So true, Clivey, so true.

And I was just looking out the window, whilst waiting for the coffee machine to do it's bit, when I realised that there are still apples on the gravel by the potted tree. I left them for the birds. We've been out to look, the BH, Clivey and I, and there are no signs of rats - no teeth marks, no droppings, not a thing around these apples. Maybe our village rat doesn't like fruit.....

[sam 51]

tell them to do one.
worlds going mad.
either stand up. or get pushed around.

[Bill HH]

OR

Dear Sirs,

I am in reciept of your letter dated......... and feel bound to point out that the rat in question does not reside at these premises. I suggest you write another letter directed to Mr. Rat at his home. Of course I presume you dont have him on your electoral register and I therfore advise you to distribute leaflets addressed to Mr Rat around the village.
However I feel I must point out that Mr. Rat has probably more right to be here than any of us and indeed his ancestors were here long before humans dragged themselves out of Africa.
If he is by any chance of eastern european desent you will of course be obliged to re-house him and supply any benefits to which he will be entitled.
I do realise you have a job to do but I suggest you change your job title to that of "Officer in charge of persecuting small poultry keepers"

Yours contemptuously...............

[Bill HH]

Or

Send him (Anonymously) a live rat in a cardboard box with a note saying "I think your looking for me.

That will certainly liven up all the parasites in the town hall.

[Dorothy rouse]

Oh Bill, how strange, that has just brought back a memory, when I was working, we turned up one morning, just about to open to our Drop In, for young people etc, and we notice a Cardboard box outside, we open to have a look! Guess what a very large, alive Rat! We stick lid back on quickly, ring council, stop young people from opening in, council dept arrive v quickly, but because it's still alive, they can't touch it, and have to ring another dept, so they sit outside watching this box, in case rat tries to run off. We never did find out who left it there or why. I had forgotton all about that

[Veggielot]

If you only have one rat in your village, then you probably have the countries lowest rat population.

I doubt you were picked on particularly, they have to be seen doing something and would probably have given the others a letter as well if he knew they were there, you just unfortunate to be on show. Out of interest do you know where the rat was seen?

[julesapple]

No, they haven't said. I do know who reported it though - not the most reliable person.